Breathe Me In
by sourxwolf
Summary: Two girls. Both want a new beginning. Somehow that involves each other. But it's never easy letting someone in when one's not who they say they are and the other is having trouble letting go.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Breathe Me In

**Author**: eFitch

**Pairing(s)**: _Emily/Quinn. _(Pretty Little Liars/Glee crossover.) Mentions of: Maya/Emily, Quinn/Puck, possibly Quinn/Finn and Toby/Emily. _Other pairings that will pop up or be mentioned_: Finn/Rachel, Mike/Tina, Artie/Brittany, and Brittany/Santana.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Glee or Pretty Little Liars, or any of their characters. Nor do I own any restaurants, food products, music, etc. that may be mentioned.

**Summary**: Two girls. Both want a new beginning. Somehow that involves each other. But it's never easy letting someone in when you're not even sure they are who they say they are.

* * *

Everything hurts - all those thoughts, they're still plaguing her. She wishes they wouldn't. She wants them to go away. _So much_. But, they won't. She can wish all she wants, but she never gets what she wishes for. She wished for a normal four years of high school with normal friends and a normal boyfriend, but nothing's normal anymore.

She smiles as she walks through the hallways. It's expected of her, isn't it? She's the head cheerleader. The girl everyone wants to be. She doesn't understand why, though. She's nothing special. Just another blonde girl with a pretty face, but they try to think of her as perfect. As the perfect girl they all love to hate.

"Quinn." She doesn't stop at the voice. She knows she should, but she can't. Looking at him hurts. His eyes -_ those eyes _- remind Quinn too much of Be- of _her_. She wants to be with him. She wants to love him, but she can't. Not when he has those eyes.

"_Quinn._" He says it more harshly this time and she stops.

She doesn't look at him. Doesn't turn around. She just stands and listens to what he has to say.

Puck thinks that's progress.

"Mr. Schue says you and Sam still have to sing at Nationals, okay? That's all I wanted to say."

"Okay," she whispers, and then she starts walking again.

She's not surprised that she and Sam still have to sing at Nationals. Break-ups don't get in the way of duets. Mr. Schue makes sure of it. He proved that with Finn and Rachel during the brief period they were broken up. Why did she ever think she and Sam would be the exception to the rule?

She didn't keep the promise ring Sam gave her. She gave it back. It doesn't belong to her anymore because she broke up with him. She hadn't wanted to, not really, but she was starting to fall. Too hard; too fast. That's what happened with Puck and she refuses to let it happen again.

* * *

This town is so small. It's not that her old town is big or anything, but this town is like a ghost town.

She can't complain, though. Moving was the right thing to do. It's too late for her to change her mind now.

William McKinley High School isn't that big, so it's easy for Emily to find her way around it without having to stop and ask too many questions. She wants this to be the fresh start she's intending for it to be. No more Alli. No more 'A'. No more Toby. No more Maya. This is a new town, a new school, a new life.

She has homeroom first. She think it's weird because they don't have homeroom in her old town. Well, they do, but she only ever attended it during special occasions - like, before a pep rally or during a big test like the SATs.

Her homeroom teacher's name is Mrs. Anderson. She's a young woman. Maybe thirty or a couple years younger, with bright blue eyes and blonde hair that looks like it's been dyed too many times. She tells Emily to take a seat beside some girl named Quinn Fabray. Emily just stares at her because she's new here and obviously has no clue who that is. Mrs. Anderson catches on quickly, though, and points at an empty seat in the middle of the classroom. Occupying the seat directly beside it is a blonde girl wearing a cheerleader uniform.

The blonde doesn't acknowledge Emily, not even after the brunette takes her seat. She's not sure why, but she stares at her for a few seconds, trying to get a better look at her, but Quinn's head is down, so all she really sees is that she has blonde hair and is obviously very pretty.

She looks away quickly, though, because she realizes staring is rude and kind of creepy, and she's neither rude nor creepy.

She isn't sure how much time passes before Mrs. Anderson is calling her name and telling her to stand and introduce herself to the class. She thinks it's stupid that she has to tell these people about herself. It's not like they care about her. They don't even know her. The majority of them will pretend to listen to her. Maybe one or two will listen - probably the ones who don't have many friends and jump at the opportunity to 'snag' the new girl before the 'popular' kids do.

"I'm Sadie. Sadie Field," she starts, even though it's a lie. Here, her name isn't Emily Fields - it's Sadie Field. Whoever 'A' is, is smart, and she knows 'A' is looking for her. So, she gave everyone here a false name to protect her identity. She's refuses to go as far as changing her appearance. She thinks the name change is enough. If 'A' shows up and ever asks for an Emily Fields, no one will know her. She's just a stranger in this town. Sadie is, too, but she won't be for long. "I like music, I used to swim, and I'm not really all that interesting."

She starts to sit, but Mrs. Anderson stops her and tells her to continue. She hates that she's being used to pass the time until the first bell rings.

"I moved here from a small town in Pennsylvania. It's a nice place. I didn't want to move, not really, but I had to, y'know?" They don't know. They can never know. "I thought it was time for a change. Change is good, isn't it? After all, everything changes." Quinn, the blonde cheerleader, is looking at her now and Emily thinks she's actually listening. She's even prettier than Emily originally thought. She thinks if perfection were real, this girl would be it. "Why bother trying to stop the inevitable?"

She shuts up then. She's thinking too much now - about Alli and Maya and 'A' and Toby. And about Spencer and Hanna and Aria. She left them behind. All of them.

Mrs. Anderson tells her to sit down after she finishes her 'introduction' and she does. This time, when she sits, Quinn is looking directly at her. She meets the blonde's gaze for a moment and finds herself getting lost in hazel eyes. Beautiful hazel eyes. Her heart does a flip and she quickly looks away because she knows that feeling and she _can't _feel it with anyone here. She loves Maya, and she can't let herself love anyone else. Not now. Just looking at Quinn, she knows she could fall, or at least develop a crush and she has to crush it before it ever even forms.

X

Emily thinks Mr. Schuester may just be the coolest teacher she's ever met. She's not in his class, which she thinks sucks, but at the beginning of lunch, she asked him which students were the 'safest' to sit with because he'd been the only person in sight at the time and he'd pointed her in the direction of a table occupied by a few cheerleaders, a few jocks, and some other teenagers that seemed strangely out of place at the table, but they all looked comfortable with each other, so she ended up approaching them.

That's where she is now, sitting with them. She's not eating, but they all are. It's just that she's not very hungry. Her day has been okay thus far. Her morning classes went nicely, but her thoughts are still revolving around the life she left behind in Pennsylvania. She can't count how many times she almost said 'Emily Fields' when some random students asked her what her name is.

"Do you sing?" a brunette asks. She vaguely remembers the girl saying that her name is Rachel. All the others groan after the girl speaks, but she continues on as if she hadn't noticed. "I'm aware that is a random question, but our Glee club is in dire need of a new member being that Regionals is vastly approaching, and-"

"Just tell the girl if you can sing or not, so she'll shut it," Quinn interrupts, resulting in Rachel scoffing and returning to eating her food in quiet. The others seem relieved at this, so Emily assumes that Rachel is always like that.

She'd been a little shocked to see Quinn at the table. She's even more shocked now to learn that all of these teenagers - all of these teenagers from different social circles - make up McKinley High's 'Glee Club'.

"I can't sing," Emily eventually replies, biting back a laugh when Rachel frowns. "Swimming is more my thing. Sports are more my thing. Not singing."

"My kind of girl," the Asian kid whose name she remembers is Mike says, earning himself a slap from the Asian girl seated next to him.

"I'm gay," she blurts. She decided upon moving here that she isn't going to hide who she really is. She refuses to let that be an issue here like it was back home. "Sort of, anyway. Boys are cute and some are sweet, but girls are sweeter."

"I totally agree," the other blonde one, Brittany, says. She's sitting on Artie's lap. He's looking at Brittany, but she's looking at the Latino cheerleader. Santana, Emily remembers. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there's some kind of triangle there, though Emily can't figure out why. Artie seems sweet. Santana just seems really bitchy, but maybe Brittany sees something that she doesn't see.

"That's offensive," the freakishly tall one mutters, bits of his sandwich flying out his mouth as he says it. Rachel smacks his arm and starts berating him. Emily assumes it's an every day thing because the others just ignore them and continue with their eating and separate conversations.

"Are they always like this?" Emily whispers to the Mohawked one. He's been abnormally quiet throughout lunch. At least, _she _thinks it's abnormal. She's used to jocks being loud and obnoxious, not quiet, but maybe 'Puck' is always like this. She doubts it, though.

"If you're talking about 'Finchel', the oh-so perfect and _disgustingly _cute couple, then yes, they are," he answers with a certain bite in his words that makes him sound extremely bitter and much older than he actually is. She wants to ask what that's all about, but she doesn't know him and it's not any of her business.

She sees Quinn glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes and thinks the pain in her eyes looks wrong on a face that beautiful. It doesn't take her very long to draw the conclusion that Puck and Quinn are somehow involved. Or were involved. There's something more to it, though, that much Emily knows. She knows that look. She's seen it before, and she has no doubts that she's worn it herself. The blonde cheerleader is hurting and she's hiding it because she's scared. And Emily knows exactly how that feels.

* * *

Lunch was boring. _Except_... Except for when Sadie spoke. Quinn's been thinking of the brunette a lot, ever since her mysterious descriptions of change in homeroom. She hadn't payed any attention to Sadie, not at first. She'd been indifferent. She is Queen Bee. Head Bitch in Charge. Whatever you want to call it. New students don't matter to her. Not even new females because they don't pose any threat to her status. If anything, she poses the biggest threat to herself. She proved that last year when she got knocked up by her boyfriend's best friend.

It wasn't until Sadie started speaking about change that Quinn started paying attention. There is something... _off _about that girl. It's obvious that she's hiding something. Obvious to Quinn, anyway, because Quinn is the queen of hiding things, of keeping secrets. But secrets have a way of coming out when you least expect them to. Especially in small towns such as Lima, Ohio.

She decided after lunch that she's going to take Sadie 'under her wing.' She can't say she's going to befriend her simply because she has a reputation to uphold. She's not nice. Everyone hates her, but pretends to love her. That's the way things are, the way things have to stay... no matter how much she hates it.

She approaches Sadie at her locker after the final bell. This school day went by just as all the others have - extremely long and extremely boring. And, for her, it's not even over yet. However, she has a few minutes to spare before Glee practice, so why not spend it feeding her curiosity towards the new girl?

"Hello," she greets, stopping the brunette in the midst of placing her math book in her locker.

Sadie starts at Quinn's voice, but she doesn't look up, which irks the blonde. "_Excuse me?_" She clears her throat, but Sadie continues to place her books in her locker. "I'm talking to you, new girl."

_That _gets Sadie to pause and she turns. It doesn't take Quinn long to realize the girl's smile is forced. Somehow, though, she knows it's not because of her or her attitude.

"I'm aware of that, yes," Sadie begins, her tone soft and a little too controlled, "but I don't cater to you, okay? I'm a little preoccupied, in case you can't already see that. Judging by the books _still _in my hand, it should be obvious."

This would normally be the part where the head Cheerio fires back with some bitchy retort and promises to the make the girl's life hell, but there's something about the look on Sadie's face that makes her not want to do that. Not this time, because Sadie's eyes are a little puffy and though she seems to be trying to hide it, it looks as though she could break at any moment. Quinn doesn't think anyone else can see it, but she knows the look too well not to recognize it. It's a mask and it's the same one Quinn wears every day.

She thinks it's that realization that makes her say what she says next. "Do you mind being my partner for Chem Lab? The partner I have now is kind of a tool," which isn't a total lie because Ethan really is a tool, "and all he does is drool over Santana. It's disgusting, actually." Sadie doesn't say anything; she's just staring at Quinn with this blank look on her face and it makes Quinn realize that she's rambling. "Anyway, I'm sure Cam won't mind working with Ethan instead of you because I have no doubts he can convince Ethan to do all the work for him, so whaddya say?"

"Sure, why not?" Sadie says with a casual shrug before turning away from Quinn and shoving her last couple of books into her locker. All except for her Honors English book and for whatever reason, that reminds Quinn that she's got somewhere to be, and she's late. Which isn't good because it's nearing Regionals and Mr. Schuester is a lot stricter about tardiness than usual.

"Hey, um, one more thing, could you, maybe, be my excuse?" She thinks it sounds even odder aloud than it does in her head. "For being late to Glee practice, I mean."

Sadie slams her locker shut, clutching her Honors English book in her right hand while slinging her purse over her shoulder, before looking at Quinn. "Sure. It's not like I have anything better to do."

* * *

Emily thinks Mr. Schuester is even cooler than she originally thought. He's dancing with the guys of the club right now, while the girls stand off to the side, singing their 'ba, ba, bas' and 'la-dee-dos.' She's seated at the piano, keeping Brad, their pianist, company. Being here, and watching them, is making her wish she actually could sing, but she can't, so she'll settle for watching.

She'd been mildly annoyed at Quinn's bitchy attitude after the blonde had approached her locker, but she knows it was a front - that it _is _a front. She'd only agreed to 'be her excuse' because she needs a distraction right now. A distraction from her thoughts. From life. She received a call, after lunch, from a payphone. She knew it had to have been one of the girls because no one else, aside from her parents, has her new number. It'd been Hanna, calling to tell her that 'A' had struck again, and this time, she'd hurt Maya.

Maya had been targeted. Her sweet, beautiful Maya who has absolutely nothing to do with this mess is hurt because of her. She's in the hospital and she's suffering. She'll be okay, is apparently what the doctors are saying, but she's still suffering and she'd be suffering more if it weren't for Aria. Emily owes Aria so much already, but she owes her more now. So much more.

Brad stops playing and she's torn from her thoughts as everyone starts clapping. The others take their seats after Mr. Schuester orders them to settle down and makes his way to the front of the classroom.

"Enjoy the show, cool chick?" Puck asks from behind her after she moves from the piano and takes the empty seat in front of him. She rolls her eyes because it's obvious he doesn't remember her name and then nods, letting him know that yes, she enjoyed the show.

"Her name is Sadie," Quinn says harshly without looking at Puck as she takes a seat beside Emily. She wants to tell Quinn her real name, but she can't and it bothers her, so instead of focusing on that, she decides instead to focus on how tense Quinn is around Puck. Not once has she seen Quinn look at Puck since she saw them both together at lunch. She didn't look at him during Chemistry and she's not looking at him now. Emily can't help but wonder why, but she knows better than to ask because it's so obviously not her business.

She wonders, though, if whatever is wrong with those two is exactly the reason why Quinn is the way she is, or if she's always been this way.

"All right, Quinn," Mr. Schuester starts, addressing the girl she can't seem to stop thinking about, "I think I'm going to give Rachel and Finn a break today," Emily tries not to laugh when she hears Rachel's scoff from somewhere behind her, "and allow you to show us all what you've got with the solo I told you to prepare last week."

"Mr. Schue, you're giving _her _a solo?" Rachel cuts in, disgust and annoyance lacing her tone.

"Oh, shut it, Berry," Quinn snaps before turning to Mr. Schue with a tight-lipped smile on her face. "I'd _love _to sing my solo, Mr. Schue, but I think I need more time."

Mr. Schue rolls his eyes. "Nonsense. I'm sure whatever you have prepared is good enough. Now, get up here." Quinn doesn't budge and he flashes her a stern look. "That's an order, Quinn."

Quinn sighs much louder than is necessary and pushes herself up out of her chair, making her way to the front of the room shortly after. Mr. Schue joins the rest of them and sits down as Quinn tells Brad and the rest of the band what to play.

She recognizes the song the second the band starts playing. 'Breathe Me' by Sia.

She's completely entranced once the words start leaving Quinn's mouth. There's something so vulnerable about her as she sings, and as Emily looks around, she knows the others are thinking the same thing. Puck is looking at Quinn like she's the only one in the room and that's when she realizes it - Puck is in love with Quinn. It goes much deeper than that, though. She can feel it, but she isn't given much time to dwell on it because Quinn's voice drags her in again and doesn't let her go until the very end. And even then, she's not completely there.

She's aware that the others are clapping, but she's just staring. Quinn is smiling, but it's forced, like all the ones Emily's seen the cheerleader give today. She looks like she could cry, but Emily knows she won't. She thinks that's when she decided - decided that she wants to know this girl, no matter the consequences. It's stupid, she knows, because one, she could fall for this girl and that's a problem in itself because Quinn is straight, and two, she's not who she says she is. She's not Sadie; she's Emily, but she can't tell anyone and that's a problem because she finds herself not wanting to lie. Not to Quinn, even though she doesn't know her and it might not matter. But, maybe it will. Maybe someday it will.

She has to lie, though. It's for the best.

Relationships, no matter what the kind, should not start, or be based, on lies, but knowing that isn't going to stop her from figuring Quinn out.

She wants to know her. And she will.

* * *

**author's note:** this goes without saying that this may be a little out of character. quinn and emily are in the same grade in this. i mention that simply because i'm not sure if they really are because i don't even know what grades either of them are in anyway, but for this story, they're in the same one. whichever one that is.

it also goes without saying that the following chapters will be longer. if there are following chapters. i've been playing around with the idea of quinn/emily for some time now. i've even edited a graphic for them on my tumblr. you can find it here if you'd like to see it: .com/post/2160997255/just-ignore-this-just-me-trying-to-be-organized

so, shall i continue? yes, no, maybe so? also, be constructive. not harsh. - i do believe that also goes without saying.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where are you from?" Rachel asks.

They're sitting in the choir room. No one else is there. They're early. Emily doesn't even know why she came today. Maybe it's because Quinn asked her to and she couldn't find it in herself to say no, or maybe it's because she really liked watching them yesterday and wanted to watch again. It's probably both.

Today went the same as the day before - she got up, got dressed, went to class, ate lunch, went to more classes, and then Quinn approached her to ask her to come to Glee practice again. She said something about stimulating conversation and not being able to find it anywhere else, but Emily hadn't really been listening. She'd been thinking about Maya. She's still thinking about her, about what happened to her, but she's trying so hard not to. It's not easy, though, because the guilt is becoming too much. It's starting to consume her and she's fighting not to let it.

"Pennsylvania," Emily answers, pulling herself from her thoughts. She needs to focus on the here and now. Not on the past.

"I've never been," Rachel says, "but it must be utterly awful being that your parents chose to move here, of all places. I, for one, never would have done such a thing. I cannot wait to leave here and move to The City. It is where I belong, after all."

Emily opens her mouth to reply, but is cut off by a familiar voice saying, "Out of my seat, Man hands." Her gaze immediately flickers to Rachel's hands. They don't look manly. Not in the least. They're small, actually. Tiny. She believes Rachel, in general, is just a very small person. She seems nice enough, though. A tad annoying, but nice, so what does Quinn have against her?

Maybe it's one of those popularity things - social hierarchy is the same in every high school, isn't it? And judging by the way Rachel manages to dress like a kindergartner _and _an old lady all at once makes it obvious that she's nowhere near the top. That could very likely be it, but something doesn't sit right with the way Quinn looks at Rachel. The look in her eyes is a mixture of hostility and sadness and something else that Emily can't quite place.

She's only known Quinn now for two school days and she's already more curious about her than she ever intended to be about anyone.

She's not given more time to contemplate her thoughts on the mystery that is Quinn Fabray because two seconds after that last thought crosses her mind, all the other members of the club pile into the room and take their seats. It's a cacophony of noise in here now and Emily doesn't like to think when she can't even hear her own thoughts.

Silence is non-existent until Mr. Schue enters the room and clears his throat.

"It seems we have ourselves a new permanent fixture here, guys," he says after immediately spotting Emily. All eyes are on her now and the heat rushes to her cheeks. She doesn't particularly enjoy being the center of attention anymore. "You're welcome to join us anytime you wish, Sadie. We could use someone else around, especially for when we need judges. And the best part about that is that you're not bias."

Emily merely laughs, unsure of how to respond. She just wishes someone else would take the spotlight.

As if reading Emily's mind, Rachel clears her throat and stands from her seat. _Thank you, Rachel_, Emily thinks, ignoring the groans that emit from each and every one of the member's throats - except for Finn - when Rachel opens her mouth and starts to speak.

"I've been working on a new solo now for weeks and being that everyone else has performed their solos, I deem it only fair that I perform mine today."

Mr. Schue sighs, but it's not dramatic nor heavy like everyone else's is when Rachel speaks. "Sure, Rachel. I guess that makes sense," he says before moving to sit with the club while Rachel takes her place at the front of the room.

Quinn leans over and whispers, "Prepare yourself for a long and boring speech," in her ear, and Emily tries hard to suppress her shiver as she feels the blonde cheerleader's warm breath tickling her ear.

"She can't be _that _bad," Emily comments, ignoring the way Quinn rolls her eyes at the words. Does she honestly hate Rachel that much?

"Brad," Rachel starts without looking at the aforementioned pianist, "you may begin playing. I'm going to refrain from giving my reasoning for choosing the song I'm about to sing."

Emily doesn't have to look around to know that everyone is surprised by this. She's already gathered that Rachel is a very talkative person and apparently, that inspires her to give elaborate speeches as to why she chooses the songs she sings. It _sounds _obnoxious, but Emily thinks if everyone hates her simply because of that, they're seriously overreacting.

When Rachel opens her mouth and starts singing, she recognizes the song as 'The Voice Within'. Her first thought when she first hears Rachel's voice is that she sounds like an Angel. It's so powerful and pure, and while she exaggerates her facial expressions, it's easy to see that she's relating to the song and connecting with it. Emily doesn't doubt that Rachel was born for this, and she has no doubts that the other brunette will have no trouble making it in The City. She's most definitely Broadway material.

She looks around the room and finds herself completely surprised that everyone else is just as entranced as her - maybe even more. Maybe she shouldn't have been surprised, but _still_, it doesn't take a genius to realize that none of the Glee kids are Rachel's biggest fan. Although, that may not be true when it comes to her singing. She smiles when she sees the way Finn is looking at his girlfriend. That's how Maya used to look at her. She finds herself missing it. Missing Maya and the way she just _got _her.

It's not safe to think of Maya, though. It's not safe to think of anyone from back home. It'll only complicate things; make being here harder.

* * *

Quinn is completely entranced - as she always is when Rachel sings. With the exceptions of the few times Rachel actually sucked, but that's beside the point - point is, the one time she forgets that she's supposed to hate Rachel is when the petite brunette is singing.

When the aforementioned girl reaches the last verse of the song, Quinn can feel the tears stinging at her eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. Threatening to break the strong facade she's worked so hard to protect because she can't be anything less than perfect and strong after being weak and imperfect all last year.

She silently curses Rachel for choosing a powerful song, and Puck for having _those eyes_, and her father for kicking her out, and her mother for making her feel guilty for choosing to keep living with Mercedes instead of live with her, and Sam for being so sweet and almost making her fall, and for that night that changed everything. The night when she felt fat and drank wine coolers and let herself be seduced by Noah Puckerman. The self-proclaimed 'sex shark' himself.

She silently curses herself for loving him. For_ having_ loved him. And she curses herself for not being able to love him anymore. For not being able to be happy because everything reminds her too much of _her_, the _her _she gave up because she's too young to be a _that_.

It's not until Rachel stops singing that she stops thinking. Just like that. All thoughts gone. For now.

"She's amazing," Quinn hears Sadie say from beside her and she can't stop the laugh that escapes her.

"Don't encourage her." Her tone is partly teasing. Only partly because she knows Rachel allows compliments regarding her talent to go to her head. And the girl is already cocky when it comes to her singing. No need to make that any worse.

"She's amazing," Sadie says again. "She deserves to know it. Regardless of how annoying she may be."

Again, this would be the part where Quinn plays the part of 'head bitch in charge', but she doesn't. Sadie's right, after all. Even Rachel - with her annoying habits - deserves to be complimented every now and then. Even if it is on her voice, which she already knows is amazing. Everyone deserves to feel good.

- X -

Quinn asks Sadie to hang out with her after practice. Sadie says yes, which surprises her, but at least she won't have to be alone for the evening.

They're seated in Quinn's car now. Quinn's driving and Sadie's looking out the window.

Normally, Quinn hates silence. Of any kind. But she doesn't mind it now. It's peaceful, almost.

So much so that she's disappointed when Sadie breaks it.

"I know it's none of my business, but-" She pauses then, almost as though she's unsure of whether or not she should ask what she wants to ask. Quinn has an idea of what that is. What she wants to ask. It turns out she's right. "What's with you and Puck?"

She can feel her muscles tensing and her hands tighten on the steering wheel. She doesn't want to talk about it. To talk about him and why she can't face him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Quinn lies unconvincingly after turning into the Wendy's parking lot. That's where she decides to go because they have Bacon and she's not pregnant anymore, but she still craves it.

She tries not to think of how she uses it to fill that space. That space where _she _used to be. She feels so empty without her.

She slams on the breaks after she finds her parking space. She doesn't mean to, but she does. She puts the car in park, but doesn't move to unbuckle her seat belt. She doesn't move at all; just stares out the window. She can feel Sadie watching her, but she doesn't care. She's thinking too much - about Puck and that night, and about _her_, and about Shelby, and about everything else she wants to avoid. To forget.

But she can't forget it. She can try to avoid it, but it's still there, all of it, in the back of her mind. Every memory, every thought, is threatening to consume her. And she can't let them.

"Let's go," she says abruptly, not looking at Sadie as she removes her seat belt and climbs out of the car.

She can feel Sadie's eyes on her as they walk and make their way into the restaurant. She doesn't look at her, though. She can't, because she's afraid of what she might see. Confusion. Curiosity. Pity. She doesn't know, nor does she want to.

They both approach the counter and one of the worker's, Mickey, takes their orders. He's cute. His eyes are a beautiful hazel. In the past, Quinn would have flirted, egged him on a bit, made him think he had a chance. She doesn't do that now. Sam was the first boy she'd taken an interest in since Puck. She feels a slight pang as she thinks of him. She misses him. She will for a while, undoubtedly, but she couldn't let things between them go any further. She would have ruined it. She would have hurt him. She hurts everybody.

She knows she's already hurt him, by dumping him, but he'll get over it. He'll move on. She thinks he deserves better than her. Every boy does.

* * *

Emily doesn't know why she agrees to go with Quinn. She just does.

She wants to get to know her, even though she shouldn't. But Quinn is pretty and she's broken. And Emily wants to know why.

They've already ordered their food. A junior bacon cheeseburger and medium coke for Quinn and a crispy chicken sandwich and medium Dr. Pepper for herself.

The sandwich is good, but she's barely touched it because she's too busy studying Quinn, who's sipping at her coke and seemingly doing everything she can to avoid the brunette's gaze. She's not mad, Emily doesn't think. She seems sad. Because she is sad, and Emily knows it's because of what she asked in the car.

She wants to ask it again, but she doesn't because she knows Quinn doesn't want to talk about it. Whatever it is must be bad. Or painful.

"So, how evil, exactly, is the Cheerios' coach?" she asks instead. She's yet to meet Sue. Thankfully. Because from what she hears, that's not an introduction she should be looking forward to.

Quinn laughs. A real laugh. And Emily finds that she likes the sound. It's soft. Pretty.

"Not _totally _evil," Quinn drawls, a smile on her face as she finally looks at Emily. "I'm sure she's got a heart inside of her somewhere."

"Everyone does, don't they?" She doesn't know for sure if that's true. Evil people have hearts, though, do they not? They just don't know how to use them. Or don't want to use them.

"I think so," the blonde replies before taking a bite of her sandwich. She chews and swallows before continuing. "Everyone's born with one. I just think, after a while, for some, it gets harder to use it. Because maybe it's been broken too many times. And maybe that makes it easier to just not use it at all."

Quinn is still smiling, but Emily can see the sadness in her eyes. It'd be so easy to miss if she were someone else. Someone who doesn't want to know Quinn. Who doesn't care if she's happy or sad. But Emily cares. That scares her because she's only known Quinn for two days. A little less than that, even.

"I think it's sad, for someone to not use their heart because they're afraid it may get broken," Emily admits. "It sounds lonely."

"I dated him," Quinn blurts. Emily has no idea where that came from. "Puck, I mean." Oh, she gets it now, but she already knew that. Well, she guessed it. "We weren't together long, but I loved him. Before we even started dating."

She doesn't say anymore. She goes back to eating, but Emily doesn't because she wants to know more. It's not that simple. She knows it. She felt it yesterday and she feels it again. She can't ask Quinn anymore questions, though. Not now. She knows she should just leave it alone. She has her own problems. She's avoiding things, too. She shouldn't take on someone else's problems, not on top of the ones she has now because hers are too big, but she knows that won't stop her. It should, but it won't, and there's not a thing she can do other than accept that.

So, she does, and she makes herself the same promise she did the day before. She'll figure Quinn Fabray out.

One way or another, she will.

- X -

"Have you ever jumped off a swing?" Emily asks, pumping her legs, swinging back and forth.

They're at the community park now. Quinn immediately ran towards the swing set and Emily followed her. Now they're both swinging.

"When I was younger, yeah," Quinn answers, still swinging and not looking away from the children running around with their parents.

"Gee, you make it sound like we're old and can't still do things kids do," Emily jokes, noting the way the blonde's expression morphs into a sad one whenever her eyes land upon a little blonde girl playing tag with her mother and father. She wonders if Quinn's thinking of her parents. Of her childhood. Maybe they're the reason she's so broken.

"We _can_, but why would we want to?"

Emily looks at Quinn as though she's crazy. "Because being a kid is so much easier. And ten times more fun."

The cheerleader shakes her head as if to protest, but Emily's not stupid - she knows that Quinn agrees.

"Too many rules," she says after a moment, her gaze still focused on the kids and their parents.

"There's more now," Emily says, and she knows that Quinn knows she's right. Everything _is _easier when you're a kid, and being a kid _is _more fun. Kids have more imagination, more creativity. They believe in the impossible, like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. And they believe in things like magic.

Age changes that. Age makes it harder to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Either parents tell their kids or the kids figure it out on their own. And magic? Teenagers don't believe in it, not unless they practice black magic and use voodoo dolls and feel they can curse the people they hate.

Maybe some of them feel they can use it for good, or practice it as a religion or whatever, but still, most teenagers don't believe in anything magical or wonderful anymore. Growing up will do that to a person.

Really, when one actually takes the time to think of it, it's seriously depressing.

"I wanted to be just like Scary Spice," Emily admits, only slightly embarrassed. It's true, though. She wanted to be just like her. She was fierce.

Quinn laughs. Again, it's the real one, the one she heard in the diner. Not the ones she's heard at lunch, or in the hallways, or in class. It's real and it's beautiful and Emily wants to always hear that one because it's _Quinn_. Not the icy, HBIC Quinn she met not even two days ago, but the real Quinn. At least who she believes is the real Quinn.

"I wanted to be Cinderella," Quinn says, her tone soft. "I know, cliché, right?" She laughs, but it's not the 'ha ha' kind of laugh. It's the sad kind. Emily feels as though a fist has just tightened around her heart. "It's true, though. I wanted everything she had. The fairy Godmothers, the beautiful gown, the glass slippers, the carriage, the fancy ball..." Her voice trails off at the end and she pauses for just a moment. The fist around Emily's heart tightens even more. "And Prince Charming himself," she says with a bitter laugh. "Crazy, huh?" she asks, finally tearing her gaze from the kids and looking at Emily for the first since they left Wendy's. "And totally naive. Because I learned the hard way that Prince Charming does not exist."

_Because I learned the hard way that Prince Charming does not exist. _Emily wants so badly to ask what she means by that. It's just another question on top of all the others she has, but she doesn't ask it. She can't. Not yet. But she will, in time, when Quinn knows her better. When she knows Quinn better.

* * *

Quinn doesn't know why she says what she says about Cinderella.

It's all true. Every word of it. She just doesn't know why she tells it to Sadie, to someone she barely even knows. She hasn't even told it to those she does know, those she calls _friends_. It's personal, a part of her that she locked away a long time ago. She doesn't believe in fairy tales anymore. Prince Charming doesn't exist.

Love exists, though. She knows that now. But love hurts. Too much.

"Whatever boy made you think that, it's definitely his loss."

Sadie's words make Quinn blush and she quickly looks away so she can hide it. She's used to people saying nice things to her, or complimenting her, but it's all halfhearted. They don't mean it; not really, but Quinn knows, just from the way Sadie was looking at her (or maybe still is looking at her), that she means it. Every word.

She also knows that her blush, and the way her heart is beating a little faster, means that she likes Sadie. Maybe a little more than she should. Especially because she doesn't know her. Not really, anyway. She knows a little about her, like she wanted to be Scary Spice (which Quinn thinks is adorable) and she's a swimmer and she likes chicken, but their entire homeroom knows that Sadie is a swimmer and she only knows that the brunette likes chicken because that's what she ordered at Wendy's. She doesn't know anything _real _about her. Anything personal. How can she? She just met her yesterday morning.

That's what scares her the most. She doesn't know Sadie, but she wants to. In more ways than one.

"Well, if Prince Charming doesn't come around, I could always go for Princess Charming," she jokes (she tries to ignore that she may be flirting), laughing when she takes note of the surprise on Sadie's face. There's a little confusion there, too, and curiosity. They're both looks that she's way too used to being on the receiving end of when it pertains to Sadie. And it's only after practically one day and a half.

"You're serious?" Sadie asks, and Quinn doesn't think she's even trying to hide her disbelief.

She's not surprised that Sadie's surprised, though. Very few know that Quinn Fabray is, indeed, bisexual. Santana and Brittany know, of course, because they're two of her best friends. Well, _were_ two of her best friends. Brittany still is, but Santana? It changes every day. Maybe they'll be best friends tomorrow. Who knows?

Anyway, Puck is the only other one who knows aside from Brittany and Santana.

She doesn't think about him much more, though. She can't. It hurts too much, and thoughts of Puck always lead to thoughts of _her_.

"It's not something I'd lie about," is her only response.

Sadie doesn't say anything. She just goes back to swinging, which irks Quinn, but she does the same despite herself.

She wants to know what Sadie's thinking. She wants Sadie to ask those questions that Quinn sees reflecting in her eyes whenever she looks at her, because she has no idea what they are and she wants to know. Maybe she shouldn't, but she does. She doesn't think Sadie will ever ask them. Not until they know each other better, at least.

It's when she realizes this that she takes back what she thought when she first met Sadie. She's not going to take her 'under her wing.' She's going to befriend her. And maybe learn how to read her in the process.

* * *

**author's note: **again, they're out of character. quinn is bisexual. so, please don't scream at me for these things. i've already mentioned them.

moving on, this was meant to be longer. i wanted it to be longer, but it's not going to be because i've hit another wall. me and creativity, we didn't get along in 2010. we still aren't getting along. we probably won't get along much this year either. nor will me and inspiration get along. so, bear with me for the sake of the story, yeah?

in my opinion, this chapter was terrible. there wasn't much progress, but it's only been two days. i'm skipping ahead by about a week next chapter, so i can move this along a bit. and make the crushes seem more believable. also, there will be more puck. and more of the other characters... in time, that is.

again, be constructive, not harsh. thanks. i appreciate the reviews. i really do. peace. oh, and happy new year.


	3. Chapter 3

"Maya's out of the hospital."

Emily's standing in her living room, talking to Aria on her cell. She knows her friend said something, but she doesn't hear her because she's too busy thinking about Quinn and the discovery she made involving said blonde before Aria called.

"_I said_, Maya's out of the hospital," Aria snaps when Emily still hasn't said anything.

Noting the impatience in her friend's voice, Emily snaps out of her trance and decides to respond. It takes a moment for her to register what's been said, but when she does, a wave of relief washes over her and a small smile graces her lips. "Thank God," she breathes. She's been so worried about Maya since she heard the news last Tuesday about her being in the hospital, and it's such a relief to know that she's okay. That she's out of the hospital and safe, and that, for the moment, she doesn't need to worry.

"We miss you, Em," Aria says after a moment of silence passes between them. "Maya, especially."

Those last words make her feel guilty. So very guilty. And it's all because of what she was thinking before Aria called. Or rather, what she discovered. She likes Quinn, and not in a strictly platonic way. She really, truly likes Quinn. A lot. She swore to herself on the first day she saw her that she would not allow herself to develop a crush on Quinn, and at first, she was able to keep the promise, but the tables turned at the park last Tuesday, exactly one week ago. When Quinn told her she's bisexual. Now, Emily likes her, but she still loves Maya, and Maya misses her and still loves her, too, but they're not together anymore. Still, that doesn't change anything. It doesn't change that she loves Maya and probably always will, and it doesn't change that she likes Quinn and feels awful for it.

"I miss you, too," she eventually says, partly because it's the truth and partly because she's desperate to distract herself from her thoughts. "All of you," she adds, her tone firm because she feels like maybe they don't know it. Like maybe they won't believe it. "I'm so sorry I ran, it's just-"

Aria interrupts her before she can finish. "Hey, don't do that. Don't apologize. You only did what all of us want to do, but can't."

Somehow, her friend's words make her feel better. She doesn't know how Aria does it, really; how she manages to make her feel better when she thinks doing so is nearly impossible. But Aria's always been different. She's always managed to make things better for Emily when she doesn't feel like it's possible. That's just who Aria is, who she's always been. Who she always will be.

The thought makes her miss home all the more. She misses her friends. All three of them.

Part of her even wants to return to Rosewood, but she can't. She can't go back because 'A' is still out there, and running from whoever 'A' is, is what's best for Emily. What's easiest for Emily. It's not fair to the ones she loves and maybe it makes her a coward, but it's the truth. And the truth hurts, doesn't it?

"I know," Emily says eventually, "it's just, I hate that I wasn't there for her. I hate that she was hurt and there wasn't anything I could do about it, and the idea that the same thing can happen to any of you, it just..." She pauses, her chest constricting painfully at the thoughts racing through her mind. Thoughts of her friends being hurt. Of her friends _dying_, and her not being able to prevent it because she's not there. Because she left them behind. She ran away. "Be safe, okay?" Her words are choked. She can feel tears pooling in her eyes, but she's fighting to keep them at bay because she knows it's ridiculous to cry now. Aria is okay. Hanna is okay. Spencer is okay. _Maya _is okay. They're alive. But somehow that thought alone isn't enough to keep a few rebellious tears from falling and sliding down her cheeks.

"Em, are you okay?" Aria asks, concern evident in her voice.

She nods, even though it's pointless because Aria can't see it. "I'm fine," she lies, very well knowing that Aria won't buy it. "Look, Ari, I'm sorry, but I have to go," she says quickly after glancing at the clock. She has about twenty minutes before school starts and it's the perfect excuse to end their conversation. "I'll call you soon. I promise."

"Bye, Em," Aria says, though Emily knows she wants to say more, to ask her if she truly is fine. Emily's glad she doesn't, though. She hates lying to Aria, and to Hanna and Spencer.

She says her own goodbye before pressing the 'end' button on her cell and shoving the device into her purse, which is slung over her shoulder.

"Bye mom, bye dad!" she yells before practically bolting out the door, anxious to get to school.

She tries to ignore that there's only one reason she's so anxious, but the thought invades her mind before she can stop it. She wants to see Quinn, the girl she hasn't stopped thinking about since last Tuesday, the girl that she's yet to figure out. The girl that she really, really likes.

- X -

"Do you think she does anything _other _than clean her desk when she's not teaching?" Quinn asks.

Quinn is sitting directly beside Emily, and Emily's trying desperately to ignore how close they are. She's the one who suggested they move their desks closer together in homeroom so that they won't have to whisper-shout at each other, but she's beginning to think this was - _is _- a terrible idea.

"I'm sure she does," Emily says, a small laugh escaping her as she shoves her previous thoughts aside. "Her name is _Mrs. _Anderson after all. That means she's married. She could talk to her husband during her free period. Or her kids, if she has any."

"It's so weird to think of teachers as being _normal_," Quinn jokes, her tone only sounding partly teasing. It really is weird to think of teachers as having lives, but they do. They're human, too.

"Mr. Schue is normal." Actually, he's unlike any teacher she's ever had. He's also the youngest teacher she's ever had. Not counting Mr. Fitz, who Aria still loves, though she's always denying it whenever she brings him up in their phone conversations. _"I'm with Noel," _is what Aria always says, but Emily just rolls her eyes because that doesn't mean a damn thing, and Ari knows it, too.

"That may be true, but give it a few more weeks," Quinn says, interrupting Emily's thoughts.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks, genuinely curious, as she always is when it comes to Quinn and the things she says. She still doesn't know much about her. She knows the basics, sure, but she doesn't know anything real. Not including the very little information she shared about Puck and what she said about Cinderella, that is, because that information is real. _Especially _the part about Cinderella and Prince Charming and learning the hard way that Prince Charming doesn't exist. At this point, she thinks she knows more about Quinn than Quinn will ever know about her.

She hates how guilty that makes her feel, but the guilt's there and it's not going away because she does want to tell Quinn the truth. She wants to tell her that her name isn't really Sadie and that an anonymous person is torturing her and the people that she loves the most. She wants to tell her all about Maya. Even more than that, she wants to tell her all about Allison and how _she's _the reason that she knows she's gay, and how her murder is what changed everything, what started this terrible nightmare that she and her friends are living in. The terrible nightmare that she's trying to run from, but knows she may never escape.

Emily wants to tell her these things so badly, but she can't. She can't because telling Quinn would put her in danger and she refuses to allow anything bad to happen to anyone else she cares about.

"He may seem completely normal," Quinn says, dragging Emily out of her thoughts, "and that may be true part of the time, but sometimes he can be so _boring_." Emily flashes her a look of disbelief, not quite believing her. "He has this thing about making us sing songs from _his _generation. They're so old and boring, and if I have to sing one more Journey song, I will purposely damage my vocal chords so I have the perfect excuse to quit."

Emily rolls her eyes. "Okay, _Rachel_," she teases, knowing the moment she speaks the words that they'll hit a nerve. "Don't give me that look," she continues when Quinn's expression turns incredulous, "you _know _she would say something like that. I've noticed she's a drama queen, and you've known her longer, so don't tell me _you_, total 'Rachel hater', haven't noticed it."

"I'm not a total Rachel hater," is her only response.

"No?" Emily can't keep the disbelief out of her voice. "Could've fooled me, and about the majority of McKinley High School students."

"I just resent her, is all." There's a brief pause before Quinn continues. "Besides, I'm not capable of hate."

The brunette starts laughing. She can't help it. She thinks that's one of the most absurd things she's ever heard. Her laughter continues for a moment before Mrs. Anderson shushes her. She lets out one more soft laugh before speaking. "Everyone is capable of hate. Even you, Princess."

Quinn opens her mouth to, no doubt, protest, but she's interrupted by the bell.

"Saved by the bell," Emily jokes, earning herself an eye roll from Quinn before both girls grab their belongings and make their way out of Mrs. Anderson's classroom.

"See you at lunch?" Quinn asks, turning to face Emily.

They're standing outside of Emily's first class of the day. Civics. It's boring, but she doesn't mind it.

"Of course," she says, fighting not to show just how much she can't wait until lunch. She misses Quinn when they're not together. The feeling wouldn't scare her if she didn't know that it's bad to feel this way. Very bad, because she can't act on her feelings. Ever. Because she can never be completely honest with Quinn.

"Great," the blonde says, flashing Emily a brilliant smile before heading off in the direction of her own class.

Emily's gaze follows Quinn for a moment before she forces herself to snap out of it and enters her civics class, knowing from the moment she enters that she will never, _ever_ be able to concentrate.

* * *

"Quinn."

Quinn tenses. She knows that voice. She knows who is standing behind her. And she knows she has to get away from him quick.

"_Don't_," he snaps just as she starts to walk away, grabbing her wrist to make sure she can't do so.

She starts at his touch, shocked by the spark of electricity it causes. His touch used to do that to her all the time, but it was stronger then. Time has changed things. Time has changed them.

"Please let go," she chokes out, having a hard time finding her voice.

Puck doesn't listen. "I'll only let go on one condition."

Despite how she feels, Quinn finds herself scoffing in response. "And what, exactly, is that condition?" she eventually asks.

"What you did just then," he answers, and the answer confuses her. "I want you to talk to me," he elaborates.

"Oh." She sighs, knowing that he's being serious. He won't release her wrist until she talks to him. She _could _just remove his hand from her wrist, but she knows that if she runs, it'll only be a matter of time before he tries to talk to her again. Puck doesn't give up, not when he wants something this badly. She knows that from experience. "Okay, I'll talk," she says, relieved when he releases her wrist and steps away from her.

She hesitates before turning around so that she's facing him, purposely avoiding his gaze after she does so.

"Why do you do that?" Puck asks. The pain in his voice confuses her, but also makes her heart ache. "Why can't you look me in the eyes?" She hates that she's hurting him. She cares about him, more than he'll ever know, but she _can't _look into those eyes, and she's terrified of telling him why. Of talking about _her_. She's afraid she can't handle it. She's not strong enough.

"She has your eyes," Quinn whispers softly. So softly that she's not even sure Puck hears her.

The expression on Puck's face changes instantly, from one of confusion and hurt to complete understanding.

"I miss her, too, Q."

Quinn tenses at the words. She's not ready for this. She's not ready to talk about her. Maybe that's not fair to Puck, but she just _can't_.

"I have to go," she blurts. She doesn't give him a chance to say anything as she makes her way into the cafeteria. She feels bad, but she knows that he'll understand. Still, knowing that he understands doesn't make her feel any less guilty. If anything, him understanding makes her feel so much worse.

- X -

"So, guys, guess what?" Rachel quips as she takes her seat beside Finn. Her boyfriend gives her a quick kiss on the cheek before she continues. "I was conversing with Mr. Schue earlier this morning and I convinced him to share this week's set list with me."

"And?" Quinn eventually starts when none of the others express any interest in what she's saying. Normally, she wouldn't be, either, but she needs a distraction. And Rachel makes for a good one because she rarely ever keeps her mouth shut. "What's the set list?"

"Each of us will be performing a Mariah Carey song," Rachel replies, beaming at Quinn after she finishes.

The five boys at the table drop their forks (today's spaghetti day) onto their trays and share looks of disbelief with one another before focusing that same look on Rachel.

"Just one question, Rach," Finn starts, smiling warily at his girlfriend, "how does a guy sing a Mariah Carey song?"

"I believe you can do anything, Finn," is her response.

Quinn inwardly groans. She hates their mushiness. She knows it's because she's envious of the relationship they share, but she pretends she hates it because she finds it disgusting. She doesn't, actually. They're a cute couple in their own strange way. Even the height difference works in their favor and makes them somewhat cuter, though she'd rather move in with Sue Sylvester before she ever testified to that thought aloud.

"You two disgust me," Puck mutters before going back to eating. His tone isn't harsh. Just bitter. She knows that's her fault, but she ignores him. She tries telling herself it's better this way, but deep down, she knows that's a lie.

"You guys could do the rap in 'Heartbreaker'," Sadie says, no doubt sensing the tension after Puck had spoken. "Jay-Z rapped in that. It's most likely the only song you guys can do if Mr. Schue decides to go with her older music."

"Perhaps Quinn and Sam could sing 'Want You'," Rachel pipes up, once again tearing her attention away from her boyfriend. "'Glitter' may not have been a very successful film, but I have watched it plenty of times solely for the music and Eric Benet and Mariah Carey do a terrific job on 'Want You.' The arrangement will, undoubtedly, need to be tweaked, but I do believe Quinn and Sam can pull it off."

"Thanks, I think," Sam says, looking at Quinn for the first since she 'dumped' him a couple of weeks earlier. She's surprised to see him send a smile her way, but the moment he does, she returns it because she thinks maybe that's his way of telling her he doesn't hate her. And though she knows that thought - the thought of him hating her - has always been irrational, it's a relief to know for sure that he doesn't.

"You're welcome," Rachel quips before, once again, focusing her attention on Finn.

Quinn rolls her eyes at the two of them before looking at Sadie. "I think you should join in on at least one of the performances."

Sadie looks at her as if she's grown another head. "Funny," the brunette remarks dryly while twisting the cap off her bottle of water. "There's just one problem," she continues after taking a sip and setting the water aside, "I don't sing."

"I didn't say you had to sing," Quinn says pointedly. "You can dance, can't you?"

"I can, but I don't want to. I'm more of an observer."

"You're such a liar," Quinn accuses, laughing softly when Sadie glares at her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she can see Puck watching them. He's never been very good at feigning nonchalance. She ignores him. It's what she does best, after all. "Those who participate in sports are not observers. You swim, ergo, you're not an observer."

"Ergo schmergo," Sadie mutters. "And I can't believe you just said ergo."

"Shhhh." Brittany's shush grabs everyone's attention and everyone raises their eyebrows at her, which isn't unusual because Brittany is just one of those people humans raise their eyebrows at a lot. "I'm trying to think, and I can't think when it's noisy. It makes my head hurt."

"I think it's just the thinking that makes your head hurt," Puck says. The other guys at the table laugh, but they immediately stop when Santana glares at them.

"Leave Brit alone," the Latina growls, scaring the boys into silence.

Brittany sends a brilliant smile Santana's way, which the Latina Cheerio returns with a sweet, tender smile of her own. Sweet and tender don't normally go in the same sentence as Santana, but the cheerleader is different with Brittany. She's protective and kind and _loving_. Quinn's not stupid, she knows how Santana feels about Brittany. The two may no longer be on the best of terms, but they've been best friends since they were kids, and she knows Santana. Her once best friend is in love with the sweet, dimwitted blonde known as Brittany Pierce. She'll never admit it - that is, not unless someone forces her to, and even then, she may not admit it because Santana isn't easily swayed. She's like Quinn in more than one way. They're both determined and they're both guarded, and both of them would rather subject themselves to hours upon hours of training with Sue Sylvester rather than admit that to themselves or to anyone else.

Perhaps that's their biggest weakness, even if the both of them like to think of it as the only way to stay strong. And as the only way to stay on top.

"Yeah, what she said," Artie says, sticking up for his girlfriend a little too late. Quinn actually feels bad for him, because he's with someone who, essentially, is trying to fill a void that maybe she doesn't even know she's trying to fill. That void will always be there, no matter what Brittany does to wish it away. Quinn knows this because she, too, is trying to fill a void, but it can never be filled. She can avoid it, try and fill it with other things, but in the end, that void will always be there.

"Okay, okay, sorry," Puck mutters before returning to finishing off the last of his spaghetti.

A few minutes pass before some of the table's occupants stand up and walk to the opposite end of the cafeteria to dump their trays.

Quinn and Sadie finish up at about the same time and get up to dump their trays together.

"Did Brittany and Santana have a thing or whatever?" Sadie asks after she and Quinn dump their trays and start heading back over to their table. There's at least five or so minutes before the bell is set to ring.

Quinn isn't surprised by this question. Sadie isn't the first to ask, and she probably won't be the last. She normally tells those who ask that it's none of their business, and while that's true, she doesn't want to be rude to Sadie. She doesn't want to be the Quinn she's expected to be. She wants to be herself, and though it's extremely difficult, she tries to avoid admitting to herself why, exactly, she feels this way.

"They _do _have a thing," Quinn answers, keeping pace with Sadie so that they'll reach the table simultaneously. "They pretend they don't, but they do."

"I figured," Sadie says. "I've been there before. With Maya."

"Maya?" Quinn inquires, hating how jealous she feels after hearing Sadie mention another girl. She's not supposed to feel this way. Avoid, avoid, avoid is her motto, but after their evening in the park, Quinn realizes that following that motto when it pertains to Sadie will be next to impossible.

"My ex," Sadie responds.

Hearing her say 'ex' is a relief to Quinn, though she feels awful for feeling such a way when she sees the expression on Sadie's face. It's clear that she misses her ex. Quinn can understand that, in a way. She misses Sam. She misses Puck, too. She even missed Finn for a long period of time after they broke up because of her indiscretions, but he's back in her life now as a friend and that's exactly how she wants it. After today, she realizes that she's slowly starting to get Sam back in her life, too, but she doesn't think she can ever be friends with Puck. She wants to be, terribly, but she can't be. At least not right now.

Maybe someday, she thinks._ Hopefully_ someday.

"Did you love her?" Quinn doesn't want an answer. She doesn't even know why she asks it, but a big part of her, the part of her that isn't afraid to admit that she has a crush on Sadie, does want to know. That part wants to know if she has a shot, even though she's trying to make herself believe it won't matter. It won't matter because she won't act on her feelings. She can't be in another relationship, but maybe being with a girl will be different. Certain aspects will be, she knows that, but for the most part, she thinks it will be the same. Real feelings are still involved, and there's still the chance of one or both of them getting hurt. And the thought of hurting Sadie is not a thought that appeals to her.

"I did," Sadie says. "I do," she adds just as they reach the table.

Quinn doesn't know what she means by 'I do', but hearing it hurts anyway. She could mean that she's still in love with Maya, or she could mean that she feels for Maya the kind of the love that Quinn feels for Puck. She loves Puck and she always will. It's kind of impossible not to because they're bound together forever, whether they want to be or not. Even though she's not here anymore, even though they gave her up, she's still a part of them. She links them forever.

She shoves those thoughts aside as quickly as possible. She thinks about her a lot, but never for too long. She's always there, though, at the back of Quinn's mind, and the blonde wishes more than anything that she could tell her that, let her know that she loves her. She can't, however, and that's why thinking of her hurts so much.

"Quinn," Rachel's voice startles the blonde out of her thoughts after she and Sadie take their seats, "what do you make of Mercedes wishing to perform 'Fly Like A Bird?'"

She has no idea why Rachel is asking her this question, but she's not up to being a bitch, so she answers as civilly as possible. "I don't know, Berry. Mercedes could probably belt it out, and you already know that." She realizes that was sort of bitchy and not as civil as she had wanted it to be, but old habits do die hard.

"You're correct, I suppose," Rachel says just as the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. It takes mere seconds for everyone to jump out of their seats and race out of the cafeteria behind all the other students. Quinn and Sadie stay behind for a moment and let a majority of the students file out before following the rest of the freshmen and sophomores out of the cafeteria.

Quinn stops at Sadie's locker with her and waits quietly while she grabs her books before the two head off in the direction of Quinn's locker. Both girls remain silent up until Quinn opens her locker and starts grabbing the books she'll need for the afternoon.

"So, do you have any plans after school?" Quinn blurts before she can change her mind.

If Sadie's surprised by her question, she hides it well. "Nope. Not yet, at least. We might be assigned Chemistry homework, but I can always do that at lunch tomorrow."

"So, that's a no then?" Quinn asks with a chuckle.

Sadie grins. "Yes, that would be a no. Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking we could hang out," Quinn says, and she registers how awkward she sounds. Or at least, she thinks she sounds awkward. She hopes Sadie doesn't think so. "We could go to the park again or we could go somewhere else. Doesn't matter."

"How about my house?" Sadie suggests. The thought of going to her house makes Quinn nervous, but she does her best to conceal it. "My parents won't be home, but I'm sure they won't mind. They'll just be glad I'm actually making friends like I promised."

The mention of her parents not being home manages to make Quinn feel even more like a nervous wreck. She recognizes this feeling - the churning of the stomach, the butterflies. She has a crush. The thought makes her feel like a child, but it's the truth. She likes Sadie, and while she already knew that, she's now allowing herself to accept it. Besides, the only way to ignore it would be to completely write Sadie off and she's not so sure she can do that. Actually, she's positive she can't do that, so she won't.

"Sure, that sounds great," Quinn says, shutting her locker once she has everything she needs in her hands.

"Great," Sadie replies. "See you in chemistry," she adds with a smile before taking off in the direction of whatever class she has for sixth period.

"Yeah, see you in chemistry," Quinn whispers before going to her own class.

* * *

Emily's first thought while observing Glee rehearsal is that Santana and Brittany are far from boring when performing together. And even when they're not performing. The same can be said for Puck, Finn, Mike, and Artie, who are currently performing 'Heartbreaker' with Santana and Brittany.

Artie, Puck, and Finn are actually okay at rapping, but she'd rather listen to them sing. Partly because she hates rap and partly because this song is annoying. The only thing even remotely good about the performance is Mike's dancing - he's crazy talented.

From beside her, Quinn is trying, but failing, to contain her laughter, but instead of coming out boisterous, her laughs are coming out in the form of soft giggles that Emily's pretty sure only she and a few of the others can hear. Even Mr. Schue, who's seated beside Rachel and in front of Sam, looks amused.

"That was great, you guys," Mr. Schue says unconvincingly after the six of them finish, "but I think it's safe to say that 'Heartbreaker' won't be making the cut."

The five of them roll their eyes before returning to their seats and Mr. Schue moves to the seat beside Sam so that Finn can sit beside his girlfriend.

"All right, Santana and Tina," he starts, gesturing for the two girls to get up and take their places at the front of the room, "I want to hear you two sing 'Shake It Off.'"

Santana doesn't seem all too pleased to be getting up again, but she goes to the front without protest, as does Tina.

Emily thinks Santana and Tina are both talented. All the Glee members are, but their voices are uniquely different. She thinks that's a good thing, though, because if they were all the same, it'd be boring. They all bring something different to the table. If anyone had ever asked her if she thought a bunch of students from different social circles could be in a club together, let alone Glee, she would have thought they were insane, but now if anyone asked her, the question wouldn't seem so crazy. She'd say that yes, it's totally possible.

She snaps out of her thoughts when the band starts playing and the two girls start singing. They sound good together, surprisingly. Tina's voice is softer than Santana's, but it works, and their performance is significantly better than the one before it. The others seem to be enjoying it, so she has no doubts that they made the cut. Whatever that means, because she has no idea what exactly it is they're working towards. She knows it's not Regionals or Nationals or whatever comes next for them because they wouldn't perform all Mariah Carey songs for that. At least, she doesn't think they would. She's not exactly an expert on all things Glee, though, but she's pretty sure she's right.

She'd ask one of the others, but it's obvious they have no clue what Mr. Schue is referring to, either.

Everyone claps when the two girls finish, including herself. Santana looks pleased. Tina does, too, but Santana, especially. Emily doesn't necessarily like the Latina, but she's trying to be fair and see the good in her. She _has _seen it, but only ever when Brittany's around. She thinks maybe Brittany is the good in Santana, or at the very least, the only person that knows how to bring it out.

Mercedes goes next and her performance of 'Fly Like A Bird' is spectacular. It's the first Emily's heard her sing and Mercedes is as amazing as Quinn says she is. More than amazing. Emily finds herself near tears by the time Mercedes finishes and she's relieved to see she's not the only one. Even the boys and Mr. Schue are teary-eyed. Except for Puck, but she can see that he's affected, even if he doesn't want to show it. She's good at reading people when she wants to be.

"Quinn and Sam, you're up," Mr. Schue says after Mercedes takes her seat. The aforementioned teenagers hesitate before taking their places at the front of the room. The band begins playing about a minute after they do so and Quinn begins the song, both of them seemingly allowing themselves to forget for a moment that they've broken up so they can fully throw themselves into the performance. Which is exactly what they do.

Emily's jealous. She's not going to bother lying to herself. She's jealous of the way Sam is touching Quinn and the way Quinn is dancing so close to him. She wants to be the one touching Quinn and she wants to be the one that Quinn is dancing so close to.

She forgets all about her jealousy, however, when Quinn smirks at her and sings, "_I've waited and I've waited now and it's time for me to tell you 'bout the way... It's just the way I want you, baby. Oh so bad, every night and day,_" before focusing her attention on Sam again and throwing herself back into the performance.

She's not sure what that little moment meant, or even if it meant anything, but she does know that she wants to find out. So she will.

Everyone applauds Sam and Quinn when they finish, even her, and she smiles at Quinn the moment the blonde returns to her seat. Quinn returns the smile before focusing her attention on Rachel, who, not surprisingly, is the last to go and is singing probably the most depressing and challenging song on the set list.

The moment Rachel opens her mouth and starts singing 'Reflections(Care Enough)', Emily is entranced. She's sure the others are, too, because Rachel clearly has a way of shutting everyone up, but there's something different about this performance. Something raw. It's like she knows exactly what Billie was singing about when she wrote this song in the movie. It's like she, herself, wrote the song. Emily's amazed, once again, at how such a big voice can come out of someone as small as Rachel. This performance is the best Emily's heard from the petite brunette - maybe it's not the best the others have heard, but they've obviously been here longer than she has. Still, even they aren't looking at Rachel the way they usually do. They almost look sympathetic, like they know exactly why she's singing this song, and maybe they do.

They may not be her friends, but over the past week, she's come to see that this club is more like a family than anything else and no one has to be friends with their family. They just have to care about them and love them, and it's clear from the looks on their faces that they care about Rachel. And maybe even love her. Finn, especially, but she already knew that.

Emily's moved almost to tears by her performance and once again, she can see that she's not the only one. By the time Rachel has finished, Emily can spot tears in Quinn's eyes and she knows that the blonde is fighting to keep them inside. She doesn't know why it affects Quinn more than the others. It's just another question on the long list of questions she's yet to ask her new friend.

After Rachel returns to her seat, Mr. Schue stands and makes his way to the front of the room. "Principal Figgins wants you guys to perform Mariah Carey songs at the assembly this Friday. Only a few of you can, though, and your songs will need to be cut short, so I'd like for you to work on arrangements during your free time the rest of the week, got it?" He pauses for a moment before continuing. "Rachel, I want you to sing 'Never Too Far' instead of 'Reflections', okay?" Emily sees the brunette nod and she doesn't miss her brief expression of relief. "Quinn and Sam will perform 'Want You' and Tina and Santana will perform 'Shake It Off.' And Mercedes, I want you to sing 'Can't Take That Away' instead of 'Fly Like A Bird.'"

"Sure, Mr. Schue," Mercedes replies. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah, yeah," Mr. Schue says. "Go ahead. Just remember to rehearse whenever you can on your own time. I have something else planned for tomorrow."

Everyone yells "we will" before practically racing out of the choir room.

"Gosh, they act like there's a fire," Emily teases as she and Quinn make their way out the door.

"I know, right?" Quinn laughs as she and Emily exit the school building. "So, your house?" she asks after they reach her car.

Emily nods. She's nervous about having Quinn over, but it's not like it's a big deal. They're just two friends hanging out after school. It's completely normal. Only, she knows nothing is normal about this because she's not who she says she is.

Still, she doesn't let that stop her from getting in Quinn's car and allowing the blonde to come over to her house for a bit. She thinks a little one on one with Quinn is just what she needs to get to know her better. Not that she_ should_ get to know her better, but it's not like she's been doing anything she should be doing since she arrived in Lima, Ohio. Why change that now?

* * *

**author's note: **this came out longer than i intended for it to. so, i apologize. i left it like that there at the end because it's going to continue into the next chapter. it was getting way too long, and since the other chapters are a lot shorter, i thought maybe making this too long would throw it out of whack or something, lol. anyway, i'm not happy with this. it's kind of all over the place, but it's good enough, i think. not much progress on the quinn/emily relationship, but at least quinn is sort of, kind of starting to speak to puck. thank you guys for the reviews. i appreciate it. and well, hope you like it.

on another note, i was so proud of emily in tuesday's episode of pretty little liars. i wanted to jump through the screen and shake her mother, though, but that's another rant for an entirely different time. i still hate noel. and i will always love aria and fitz together. oh, and the previews... i mean, gosh. lucas is supposed to be sweet. he's not supposed to yell bitch! i'm still holding out for him and hanna to get together. it has to happen. seriously.


	4. Chapter 4

"She's so blunt."

"You make it sound like that's a bad thing."

"He's clearly uncomfortable. She's talking about _sex_."

"What guy is ever uncomfortable when talking about sex?"

"How stereotypical of you, Q."

Quinn laughs at that remark, never moving her gaze from the television screen. She's been at Sadie's for forty-five or so minutes and all they've done thus far is watch an episode of 'Bones' Sadie had saved on her digital video recorder. They're still watching said episode, but for the past couple minutes, they've been talking about Temperance Brennan and how blunt she is.

Quinn thinks she's blunt, at least. Terribly blunt.

"Maybe just a little stereotypical," she starts, "but I've yet to meet a guy that doesn't jump at the chance to talk about sex. With the exception of Finn, but he has issues." She's joking about Finn. Sort of. There _is _that whole mail man issue and she's still not forgiven him for giving that idea to every other guy at that school. And Tina.

"You can't say they're not all thinking about it, though," she adds after a moment.

"You do have a point," Sadie agrees, "but name one girl that isn't thinking about it, too."

She groans, reflecting back on when Rachel said something similar during a celibacy club meeting. She knows it's true - girls want sex just as much as guys do. However, it's not something she ever feels comfortable talking about. It's especially not something she wants to talk about with Sadie because she's attracted to the brunette and she knows better than to talk about sex with someone she's attracted to.

"Okay, I give. You win," Quinn relents, desperate for a topic change.

"So, what now then?" Sadie asks once the episode has ended. "We could continue to talk about sex and blunt people, but that _clearly _makes you uncomfortable, so something new is in order, yes?"

Quinn laughs, but, despite herself, it comes out sounding sort of choked and she can feel herself blushing. "Yes, Dr. Brennan," she teases.

"Fine, fine, but no more television," Sadie says. She grabs the remote and turns off the television before looking at Quinn. "So, I know you're my guest, but I'm a terrible host, so you tell _me _what we're going to do because I'm all out of ideas."

Quinn hesitates. She knows what _she _wants to do. She wants to ask Sadie about Maya, for the same reason that she wanted to know more at lunch - she wants to know if she has a shot. She's never been the one to make the first move. She doesn't even know if she's going to make a move on Sadie, because she's still not sure she's ready, and for more than just one reason. The obvious reason is that she doesn't know Sadie. Santana and Brittany - hell, even Puck - would tell her that it doesn't matter, that she should just make her move before someone else does, but luckily for her, she's not them. She wants to know who she's with and she doesn't know Sadie. Not entirely.

The less obvious reason for her not being ready is that she's afraid she'll hurt Sadie. She's afraid she'll screw it up and once again be forced to live with the consequences of breaking someone's heart. It happened with Finn, it happened with Puck, and it happened with Sam. She's terrified that she's doomed in terms of being in a relationship. Maybe she's not fit for a relationship; maybe she's one of those girls who destroy every life they touch.

It's irrational, completely irrational, to think such a way, but unfortunately, she's not Dr. Temperance Brennan and she can't compartmentalize her feelings. She can't rationalize everything. It's unfortunate, but that's life. Hers, anyway.

"Uh, Quinn, you okay?"

Sadie's question snaps Quinn out of her thoughts and she looks at her, taken aback by the concern she sees. The fact that Sadie seems to care about her makes Quinn like her even more.

"I'm fine," she lies. She thinks she's far from it. "I just... I actually wanted to, uh, ask you about Maya," she says after a moment, praying that she hasn't overstepped a boundary by asking about Sadie's ex. She wants to know more about Sadie and her relationships back in Pennsylvania, but not if it's at the expense of their friendship.

"Oh," Sadie breathes, showing no signs that she's even a little angry with Quinn. "Okay. What do you want to know?"

Quinn's surprised that she's willing to talk about her ex, but she's grateful she's not mad. And if she's being honest, she's grateful that Sadie is willing to talk about her because Quinn knows if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't be. She thinks Sadie knows that, too, because the brunette's asked her about Puck more than once and Quinn always avoids the subject. Maybe Sadie's just stronger than her.

"This may seem like a weird question, and trust me, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she starts awkwardly, mentally slapping herself for sounding so nervous, "but what you did mean at lunch? You know, when you said that you love her?"

"I meant that I love her," Sadie replies, seemingly confused by her question. "I probably always will." Quinn tries desperately hard not to show how much those words affect her, how much they make her heart ache. She's surprised how much of an impact they have on her, but they call it a crush for a reason, don't they?

As if sensing Quinn's disappointment, Sadie continues by saying, "That doesn't mean we'll get back together, because we won't, and that doesn't mean I can't love someone else, because I can. It just means that I care about her and I can't stop caring about her. She's the first girl I've ever truly loved. She was my first gay relationship. She'll always have a special place in my heart, but we're done."

Quinn fights not to let out a sigh of relief. One, she doesn't want to look stupid, and two, she'll feel bad if she shows how relieved she is that Maya and Sadie are really over. She's sure Maya still loves Sadie and she knows their break up is probably just as recent as Quinn's break up with Sam, so, yes, she feels bad for feeling as good as she does right now.

Still, at least now she knows if she decides to make a move, she can.

"I still love Puck," she admits, feeling as though she should share something, too. "I'm not in love with him anymore," she's not willing to go into why, "but I do care about him a lot and I miss him. I miss Sam, too, but we got together when I still wasn't over Puck, and not just that... Sam and I just don't fit. We're what's expected and I'm sick of doing what's expected of me."

She's never told anyone that before. Not even herself. She's thought it, of course, but she's never admitted to herself that another reason she broke up with Sam is because she's tired of doing what's expected of her. She's sick of dating football players just because she's the head cheerleader.

"You don't always have to do what's expected of you, Quinn," Sadie says.

She wishes that were true, but she doesn't think it's that easy. Reputation is everything in high school. She has to stay on top and that means doing everything that's expected of her.

"I do if I don't want to leave high school a joke," she retaliates, knowing how stupid the words are before they even leave her mouth.

"And what about being happy?" Sadie asks. "I don't know about you, but I'd rather leave high school happy and as a so-called joke, rather than leave it and have to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't do what _I _wanted in high school. That's why I'm not hiding who I am here. I want to be happy."

"You're right," Quinn says because it's the truth. Sadie is right. It's better to be happy than to do what's expected of you. "I think I may just have to take it one step at a time, though. Maybe I should start with not dating footballers," she jokes as an attempt to lighten the mood because she's already had enough of being serious. She's sure if they continue their current line of conversation, she'll break and she's not ready to break yet.

"Maybe," Sadie laughs. Quinn's relieved that she's going along with the change of subject. "But, it's not like swearing them off will keep them from chasing after you," she adds, her tone teasing. "I can't blame them, though. There's something sexy about a cheerleader."

"I think for the guys it's the skirts," she jokes, though it's probably the truth.

"Well, they _are_ sexy," Sadie says, and Quinn has to fight to keep herself from blushing. She's not sure what Sadie meant by that, but she's almost positive it wasn't an innocent remark. "I, for one, wouldn't mind dating a cheerleader."

Quinn bites her lip. It's a habit, one she does a lot when she's flirting. And that's exactly what she's about to start doing. "I'm sure a cheerleader wouldn't mind dating you."

She grins when Sadie blushes. It's incredibly cute, she thinks. "Any particular cheerleader in mind? I'd love to get her number."

Now, it's her turn to blush. "I can think of one or two," she says as casually as possible.

"I like brunettes," Sadie says, and Quinn can't stop herself from frowning. "Maybe you could give me Santana's number. She's hot."

"Santana's a slut," Quinn blurts. Even though it's somewhat true, she feels bad for saying it. She opens her mouth to correct herself, but shuts it when she takes note of how amused Sadie looks. She can't believe she fell for that. She was joking. "I hate you," she mumbles.

Sadie laughs. "No, you don't. Sounds like you hate Santana, though." Quinn's not sure if she's joking or not.

"I don't," she says just in case Sadie isn't joking and really does think she hates Santana. "We've been friends forever. I may not like her right now, but that has nothing to do with her. Not really, anyway. It has more to do with social hierarchy. She wants to be on top and right now I am. Ergo, our friendship is on the rocks."

"What is with you and 'ergo?'" Sadie jokes. "Seriously, though, that sounds like a pretty dumb reason for ruining a friendship. The friendship should come first. Not cheerleading."

"You obviously don't know Santana," is all Quinn says before deciding it's time for another subject change. "So, what's it like in Pennsylvania?"

"Where I'm from, it's boring," Sadie says, and judging by look on her face, Quinn's pretty sure that's the only answer she's going to get. "Want to watch another episode of 'Bones?'"

"No, because then you'll want to talk about sex again," Quinn teases, feeling embarrassed after she speaks the words. It's like she doesn't have a filter when she's talking to Sadie.

Sadie smirks and scoots closer to Quinn. The blonde tenses as she feels the girl's fingers playing over her forearm. "You were in celibacy club, right?" The Cheerio just nods. "You should be used to talking about sex, then," she says, smirk still in place.

Quinn's relieved when Sadie stops touching her forearm, but she's still acutely aware of how close they are now. "In celibacy club, we talked about abstaining from sex, not _having _it." She really doesn't want to talk about this. "Let's just change the subject, okay?"

"As you wish, Princess," Sadie says, scooting back over to her original spot on the couch. "You just want to study then?" she asks.

_No, _is what Quinn wants to say. What she wants to do is kiss Sadie. Badly, but she won't.

"Yeah, let's study," she says, and she hopes she sounds convincing to Sadie because she sure as hell doesn't sound convincing to herself.

* * *

This is pure _torture_, Emily thinks. A beautiful - no, gorgeous - blonde is in her living room, curled up with a blanket on her couch and _twice_, they've talked about sex.

Quinn Fabray is going to be the death of her.

Said girl's attention is currently focused on the television screen... again. They studied for their upcoming Chemistry quiz for about twenty minutes before deciding they'd rather watch more television and talk rather than study.

They're watching 'That 70s Show.' Quinn is, anyway. Emily's distracted. She has many questions for Quinn. Number one, as of the moment, being why she wants to know so much about Maya. They're friends, but the way Quinn's acting, like she _wants _Emily to be over Maya, is far from how a normal friend would act.

Emily likes her. She's admitted it to herself once, there's truly no harm in admitting it to herself again. Not once, however, has she entertained the idea that Quinn may feel the same. Still, she didn't have to say what she said about Puck. She could have dropped the subject after she got the answer to her question, but she didn't. She told Emily that she's over Puck, and that she's over Sam, and she didn't have to tell her that.

It could mean something, or it could mean nothing. Maybe she wanted to open a little more because Emily did, but still...

"Why'd you ask me how I feel about Maya?"

She doesn't regret asking that, even if it is random. She wants to know.

Quinn doesn't answer right away - just stares at the tv as if she hasn't heard anything. Emily knows she has; she doesn't know why she's hesitating, why it's taking her so long to respond. She tries not to think too much of it. She doesn't want to make herself believe it's anything more than what it is. If it's anything at all, that is.

Maybe it's nothing. Maybe Quinn just didn't hear her, but again, Emily knows she did.

"Just curious," Quinn says, but she doesn't look away from the television.

Emily knows she's lying - she's lied enough to know when someone else is doing it. She doesn't call her out on it. She'll let her get away with it... for now.

"Curiosity killed the cat," she jokes, wanting Quinn to look at her. She does.

"But satisfaction brought it back," she says with a smile.

"I'd prefer a blonde, just so you know," she blurts, unsure why she says it but knowing how the thought formed in her mind. She saw Quinn's disappointment earlier - she hopes it was disappointment - when she joked about preferring brunettes. She doesn't have a preference when it comes to hair color, but right now, she wants a blonde. A specific blonde with hazel eyes and a smile that knocks the breath out of her when it's real and not the fake one she wears for the world.

One blonde that is currently blushing and turning her head as if to hide it. Emily doesn't know how it's possible, but she thinks Quinn looks even more perfect now than she did when she first laid eyes on her. And though she's not completely over Maya and she knows it could potentially put her in danger, Emily really, _really _wants to kiss her...

... which is why she says, "I, uhm, let's go for a walk."

Quinn blinks, as if coming out of her own little world, and looks at her. "What?"

"Let's go for a walk," she repeats, less awkward this time.

"Are you crazy?" Quinn asks, but the word 'crazy' doesn't sound harsh... more like a term of endearment. "It's freezing outside," Quinn goes on to say when Emily still hasn't spoken.

"We don't _have _to walk." She pauses. "We could just go eat... or uh, go for a drive..." she suggests, both suggestions trailing off at the end.

"I promised 'Cedes I'd actually show up at dinner tonight, so..." Quinn says, eying Emily suspiciously.

"So... you have to go?" She's not sure if she should feel disappointed or relieved. She thinks she's both.

"No." Quinn chuckles. "They don't eat until like, seven, so I'm good."

She feels disappointed and relieved at that, too. It's not really Quinn's fault that she wants her to leave... it's just, she's having a really hard time _not _kissing her. She needs a distraction. She needs _Hanna_, because Hanna would tell her what to do. Hanna's part of the reason she accepted her feelings for Maya, part of the reason she accepted herself for who she is.

"You want a snack, or a drink?" Emily asks, searching for any excuse to go to the kitchen.

"Sure. I'll take a water," Quinn says, and Emily finds herself jumping up and making her way into the kitchen mere seconds later.

She reaches into the fridge and pulls out two bottles of water. She places them on the counter after she shuts the fridge and then she grabs her cell, shoving the device into the pocket of her jeans before grabbing the waters and taking them back into the living room. She hands one to Quinn before setting hers on the stand beside the couch.

"I have to make a call real quick," she says, not wanting to lie to Quinn and come up with some lame excuse to leave the room. "I'll be right back, though. Honest."

"Well, go then," Quinn says with a laugh, making a show of dismissing Emily from her own living room with a wave of her hand.

Once she's in her bedroom, Emily takes her phone out of her pocket and dials Hanna's number.

"Em, hi!" Hanna exclaims from the other end of the line after she picks up.

"Hey, Hanna," Emily replies, her tone not as enthusiastic as Hanna's, but that doesn't change how happy Emily is to finally be speaking to her. She hasn't spoken to her since last Thursday and she misses her. She misses all three girls. They're practically family, after all.

"What's her name?" Hanna asks without missing a beat.

Emily sometimes thinks the blonde is psychic. Or at least very good at reading people, even if those people aren't anywhere near her.

"Quinn," the brunette answers, throwing herself onto her bed and lying on her back. "She's blonde and beautiful and smart, and I think kind of damaged, too." She's not sure about the last part, of course. She can't be sure because Quinn hardly ever opens up to her. She wants to change that. She will change that.

"And you want to know if you should make your move, right?"

See, _psychic. _"I _would _make a move," Emily starts, "but she doesn't even know my name."

Hanna sighs. "Em, you can't let that stop you from forming relationships. Wherever you are," the girls don't know where she is because if they knew, 'A' would, too, "your name _is_ Sadie. They don't know who Emily Fields is. They don't even know who Sadie Field is, but they'll get to know her. And 'they' includes this girl that you like. So, if her not knowing your real name is the only reason you're scared to make your move, then forget it, let it go. Make a move before someone else does."

That's not the only reason. It's something else. It's not that she's scared of being in another same sex relationship, because she accepts who she is. She _knows _who she is - she's Emily Fields and she is a gay woman. Still, the idea of making the first move... That's something she's never done before, not without help. She's not sure she knows how, and then there's that whole thing about Quinn never having been with a girl before; not to mention, they hardly know each other. _But _relationships are about getting to know your partner, right?

"I'm starting to think too far ahead," she blurts without really meaning to.

"That's normal, and completely ridiculous," Hanna says with a laugh. "Take a chance, okay? You did with Maya, and now you can do it with this Quinn girl."

"How is she?" Emily asks while thinking over Hanna's previous statement.

"I don't understand why you don't just ask her yourself," Hanna says instead of answering her question.

Emily scoffs, deciding not to roll her eyes because she knows Hanna won't see it. "You know why."

"I do not, so explain it to me." Emily knows she's lying, but she humors her, anyway.

"I don't want to hurt her anymore, okay?" she answers, and she thinks she sounds too quiet when she speaks. "We're over because I left, and she was hurt because of my mistakes, my lies, my secrets. I don't want to make this any harder for her than it has to be. I need to give her time."

"Em, hon," Hanna says, her tone softer than before, "she doesn't need time. She needs closure, even if it is just over the phone."

She wants to say that Hanna's wrong, but she's not. What Maya needs is closure, and though she doesn't think it's right to give her that over the phone, she knows it's the best she can do because she can't go back. Someday, she can, whenever whatever game 'A' is playing has ended, but until then, she's stuck here.

"Okay, you're right," she grumbles, a sigh escaping her lips after she speaks.

"I know," Hanna chirps, and Emily just rolls her eyes.

"Okay, Big Head, I have to go." She's teasing about the 'big head' part, of course. Sort of. "Thank you, though, and I miss you."

"Anytime, Em, and I miss you, too," Hanna says.

Emily hangs up after they say their goodbyes and places her phone back on her dresser before making her way back into the living room and reclaiming her spot on the couch beside Quinn.

"Fez gives me the creeps," is the first thing Quinn says after Emily sits down, and the brunette finds herself laughing.

"Yeah, he'll do that," she jokes, a small smile on her face as she watches Quinn watching 'That 70s Show.' She knows it's creepy to stare at someone when they're watching television. Staring at someone, in general, is creepy, but she finds herself unable to look away. She thinks it's cute, the way Quinn will make a disgusted face when Fez says something disgusting and laugh whenever one of the characters says something funny.

Quinn is cute. She's more than that, though - she's beautiful, and not just outside. There's something about the way she talks, the way she acts when they're alone, that makes her even more beautiful. She gets it, why Puck is in love with Quinn. If he sees what she sees, and she's sure he does, then she definitely gets it.

"I have a camera, y'know." Quinn's voice drags Emily out of her thoughts and she glances at the blonde, momentarily confused. "You could use it, if you want," she adds after tearing her gaze from the television and focusing it on Emily.

She sees amusement in Quinn's eyes, but has no clue what's so funny.

"I don't get-" she starts, only to stop herself when she realizes why the camera Quinn mentioned is relevant. "Oh," she says, realizing Quinn caught her staring and was making a joke about pictures lasting longer. "Sorry." Only, she's not sorry. Not really.

"Are you doing anything Friday?"

The question surprises her, but she doesn't hesitate before saying, "No." She thinks that's all the answer Quinn needs, even though she's not exactly sure what's happening.

"Do you want to do something Friday?" Quinn asks after a moment's hesitation. "With me?"

"Sure," she replies, hoping that she sounds a lot more casual than she feels.

"Dinner and a movie?"

"Like a date?" she asks, and the question is like deja vu, only the last time, she was the one doing the asking.

A smile - her real smile - graces Quinn's lips. "Yeah, like a date. Exactly like a date."

* * *

**author's note**: things will start moving along for these two next chapter, honest. there will be more interaction between quinn and puck... just not yet. the way i've written quinn, she's kind of like one of those girls that just avoid everything that's going to make them seem weak. pretty little liars was good monday. lucas... wow. at least hanna understands why he did what he did. he acted kind of like an asshole, but _still_, i get why he acted the way he did. i can understand why he's so upset. as for noel, i hate him more with every episode. i truly don't believe he's 'A', though (no, i have not read the books, so i don't really know who 'A' is). i actually think it's mona. and now that they're talking about 'A' and Ali's murderer not being the same person, i think ian murdered her. oh, and emily's mom... i do not feel sorry for her, not in the least. calling your daughter sick is so wrong in so many ways. i have no tolerance for people like her.

moving on, thanks for the reviews. i truly appreciate it. :) i'm glad i'm not alone in liking the idea of emily/quinn.


	5. Chapter 5

"I have a date," Quinn blurts, practically barging into Santana's room.

Santana doesn't move from her spot on her bed; she just looks up with a blasé expression on her face. "So?"

She rolls her eyes, not bothering to ask for permission as she plops down onto the edge of Santana's bed.

"Look, I know we hate each other right now," cue Santana rolling her eyes, "but I need you, San."

Santana sighs and sits up, scooting a little closer to Quinn after doing so. "Well, what do you need?" she mumbles and Quinn knows that's her way of saying she's listening without actually having to outright say so. It's not like Santana to be a softy.

She doesn't even know why she came to Santana - it's just that Brittany and Puck are the only other two who know she's bisexual and she can't very well go to either of them. Brittany, bless her heart, is easily distracted, and she can't go to Puck because... well, she just can't go to Puck. That leaves Santana, and while she's not exactly ecstatic to be here, she knows the Latina is the only one who can help.

"I have a date."

"Yeah, you said that already," Santana remarks dryly. "What's your point?"

"With a girl," she adds, knowing that will grab Santana's attention.

"Congrats, Q. Is she hot?" That's Santana's lovely way of saying she's proud of Quinn. "It's the newbie, isn't it?" It's more of a statement than a question.

"Her name is _Sadie_," Quinn starts, mildly annoyed, "and yes, she's the one."

"Aw, Quinny, that's so sweet. Should I send out the wedding invitations?" She's not smiling, but Quinn knows she's joking. She's known Santana long enough to know when she's not being serious, and as much as she hates to admit it, she misses her.

"Absolutely, and while you're at it, send out the invitations for yours and Brit's wedding, too. We can double up!" she jokes with a smile, but her smile fades when she looks at Santana and realizes she's gone too far. Making a romantic joke to Santana about Brittany is a low blow and Quinn never would have said it if she'd thought before she spoke.

"Sorry, San," she apologizes and she means it. Santana may never apologize for anything hurtful she ever says to Quinn, but the difference between the two is that she's not Santana.

"Whatever," Santana mumbles. Despite the short reply, Quinn knows she's forgiven. "And y'know, me too. For everything," Santana adds after a pause.

Quinn smiles, knowing that's as close to an apology she's ever going to get out of the brunette, so she may as well accept it.

A moment of comfortable silence passes between the two before Santana breaks it, saying, "You should wear something hot," in typical Santana fashion.

"I'm not you, San," Quinn jokes, though it's true. She's not trying to _seduce_ Sadie - it's just a date.

"Your point?" Santana asks. "You got to look hot if you want to impress. Flaunt what you've got."

"I'm not going to flaunt what I've got," Quinn states matter-of-factly. "We're not going to a club. It's dinner and a movie, that's it."

"Yeah, right." She doesn't sound convinced.

"I'm not you, San," Quinn says, emphasizing the 'you'.

Santana rolls her eyes. "Yeah, you've said that already. Twice."

"Obviously, I have to say it again because you don't seem to understand," Quinn sort of snaps, slowly losing her patience with Santana.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch," Santana fires back, her tone clipped. "You should know better than to ever take me seriously, or has us hating each other made you forget that I'm a bitch?"

She's thankful that they're back to joking around. She honestly doesn't want to argue with Santana anymore. Their 'feud' has always seemed pointless to her, so maybe it's time they just let it go and move on. Sadie was right earlier, anyway, cheerleading _is _a stupid reason to throw away a friendship.

"No, it's just further proved that you're a bitch," Quinn jokes.

"Whatever," Santana mumbles, but Quinn can see the small smile that forms on her lips before she goes back to looking bored again. "So, what _do _you need help with, because, as much as I'd _love _to chat all night, I actually have more important things to do."

_Like Brittany_, is on the tip of her tongue, but she refrains from voicing the thought aloud and instead says, "I just want to know what to wear and how to act. We won't be hanging out in private like we normally are and everyone in Lima thinks I'm straight. I'm freaking out a little here."

"Just act casual," Santana responds. "I mean, honestly, girls are seen chilling with their girl friends at the movies every day, and as far as the dinner goes, don't try and be all fancy schmancy and you should be fine. No need to freak out, trust me."

Quinn thinks her words through for a moment before deciding that what she said makes sense. If she acts casual and doesn't take Sadie anywhere fancy, then she has nothing to worry about.

"Thanks, San," she says after standing up. "I'll get out of your hair now."

"Don't mention it, and appreciate it," Santana says, not bothering to look up at Quinn as she resumes the position she was in earlier and reaches for her English textbook.

"Whatever," Quinn mumbles, mimicking Santana's disinterested tone. "See ya!" she exclaims as she makes her way out of Santana's room. She hears a 'whatever' just as she reaches the Lopez's front door and laughs softly before making her way outside, intent on heading home so she can start preparing for her date.

X

"I was thinking 'Country Strong' for the movie. What about you?" Quinn hears Sadie ask.

She has her on speaker phone so that she can finish getting ready for their date. They've already discussed where they're going to eat - Quinn decided on Wendy's because it's the first restaurant they ever went to together. She's glad Sadie likes the idea because Wendy's isn't a fancy restaurant and so long as she acts casual, no one will know that they're on a date. She feels like maybe it's a little unfair to Sadie because she's already out, but they've talked about it and Sadie says she understands completely. Quinn likes her even more for that.

"Absolutely!" Quinn replies enthusiastically as she finishes applying her eyeliner. "I've been wanting to see that movie," she adds after she places her makeup back in the makeup bag that sits on her dresser.

"Sure you're okay with Wendy's, though?" she asks after seating herself at the edge of her bed.

It hadn't taken her very long to get ready, being that she chose to go as casual as possible for tonight. She still dressed up a little for Sadie, though. She's wearing a pink baby doll top that she bought a couple of weeks ago, along with tight, but not too tight, jeans that flair out a little at the bottom.

"Positive," Sadie replies. "It's Wendy's, how could I not want to go?"

Quinn chuckles, glad that, so far, things are going great, but she can't help but to think that's only because the date has yet to actually start. It's been a while since she's been on a date. She hasn't been on a date since she was with Sam, and this time's different because she's the one who did the asking. She's the one who has to make sure everything's perfect so that Sadie is happy because she doesn't want to lose the friendship they have.

She almost wishes she'd kept her mouth shut. _Almost_.

Her asking Sadie out did bring a lot of good things. For instance, the time between Tuesday, when she asked her out, and today, Friday, consisted of constant, shameless flirting in between classes and after school. Quinn thinks it's nice, to be able to flirt again and to not feel any pressure to be anyone other than herself.

Sadie likes who for who she is. Granted, she doesn't know everything, but Quinn doesn't think it would make a difference if she did. Sadie's reaction is not the reason the blonde refuses to tell her everything about her relationship with Puck - it's because she's not ready.

"You have a point," Quinn says, though she rarely ever goes out to eat. On the rare occasions that she does, though, she makes sure to go to Wendy's, if not Breadstix, because well, everyone in Lima loves Breadstix. "Next time, though, I'm taking you to Breadstix."

"Next time?" she hears Sadie ask with a laugh. She still has her on speaker phone.

"Oh, I, uh, I just meant..." she stammers, cutting herself off before she sounds even more like a mumbling idiot.

She hears a chuckle before Sadie says, "It's okay, Quinn. I know what you were trying to say."

Sadie sounds so sure that Quinn doesn't even bother asking her if that's true or not. "Okay, then," she starts, still feeling a little awkward and more than a little nervous, "I guess I'll see you at seven." The movie starts at eight, so Quinn decided she'll meet Sadie at Wendy's at seven, giving them enough time to catch up and eat before they head to the theater.

"Yeah, at seven," Sadie says before hanging up and Quinn feels a rush of excitement and nervousness when she glances at her alarm clock and realizes seven is less than twenty-five minutes away.

* * *

Emily's nervous. She hasn't been this nervous about a date since her first _official _date with Maya. She tries to find comfort in how well that date went, but then she reminds herself that Quinn is nothing like Maya and not all first dates are as wonderful as her first date with Maya.

And she feels really guilty thinking about Maya when she's about to go out with someone else.

She tries not to think too much on that as she checks herself out in the mirror one last time. She wasn't sure what to wear for this date, because she knows Quinn wants them to look as casual as possible so no one will suspect that they're on a date and not just two friends at the movies, but she eventually decided on something she deems cute and casual.

She just hopes Quinn feels the same because her opinion means a lot. Maybe a little more than it should after so little time.

Despite herself, she glances at the mirror once more before grabbing her small clutch and making her way down the stairs of her new home. It's taken her awhile to get used to this place, but it's not so bad - yes, she misses her house back in Rosewood, but Lima is home now and she has to force herself to remember that or else memories will hurt more than they already do.

X

"You look... wow," Emily says as she seats herself across from Quinn. She arrived seconds before and saw that the blonde had already beaten her there.

"Thanks," Quinn whispers, blushing.

All Emily can do is whisper back, "I meant it," because she did mean it. She _does _mean it. Quinn always looks beautiful, but it's very rare that Emily ever sees her in anything other than her Cheerio uniform because she mostly sees her at school. When she sees her outside of school, Quinn always manages to take her breath away, even if that is totally cliché.

"You look wow, too," Quinn says after a moment. Now it's Emily's turn to blush, which she does, though she tries her best to conceal it.

"Thanks," is all she says before asking, "So, are we going to order or...?" She lets the question trail off, not sure exactly what else she's supposed to say.

"Oh, yeah, of course," Quinn replies, sounding like she hadn't even thought of that. It makes Emily wonder if she's just as nervous as her, and the thought makes her feel a little better. "Chicken sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, right?" she asks, glancing down at Emily after she stands.

Emily grins, surprised that Quinn remembers her order from last time, and a little less embarrassed that she remembers Quinn's order, too.

"You don't have to-"

Quinn interrupts her before she can finish. "Yes, I do. I did the asking. I do the ordering. I figure it's the least I can do since I can't take you somewhere better."

Emily rolls her eyes, but she smiles before saying, "This place is fine. I told you I completely understand and I do."

"I'm still ordering for you," is all Quinn says before making her way over to the counter, not allowing Emily another chance to protest.

X

"I do not!" Emily shouts, a laugh escaping her when she sees a few heads turn her way.

Quinn shushes her before saying, "Yes, you do. You hum. Like, constantly."

"I do not!" Emily repeats, using her 'inside voice' this time.

They've already finished eating and are just passing the time talking before they have to leave for the movie theater.

"I sit beside you," Quinn states pointedly. "Trust me, you hum."

Emily huffs, feigning offense at the continued accusation that she hums after watching the Glee Club perform.

She knows she does. Not all the time, but some of the songs they sing are so _catchy_...

"I do not hum," she says. "End of discussion."

"Whatever," Quinn scoffs, rolling her eyes playfully before glancing at her watch. "Oh, time to go!" she exclaims happily after focusing her gaze on Emily again.

"I can't believe you still wear a watch," Emily jokes as they make their way out the door and towards Quinn's car.

"Shut up!" Quinn throws over her shoulder and Emily just laughs before climbing in the car after her.

X

"Crunch bars and Kit-Kats? What are you? A chocoholic?" Quinn teases in a whisper as she and Emily take their seats near the back of theater two. Emily tries not to think of how entirely too familiar this feels.

"Says the girl with the large popcorn she doesn't want to share," Emily mutters jokingly, a smile dancing on her lips.

"No, you have it all wrong," Quinn starts, her tone teasing, "it's not that I don't want to share. It's that I refuse to. Entirely different."

"Right," Emily drawls mockingly, earning her a playful smack on the arm just as the lights go down.

"I hate previews," Quinn whispers, earning her a few shushes from the people in front of them. Emily laughs when all the blonde does is glare at the back of their heads before saying, "Anyway, I don't see the point in them. Previews are what tv breaks are for."

Emily finds herself thoroughly amused by this new piece of information. "I like the previews," she admits. "Some are funny."

"And some are downright terrifying," Quinn argues in a whisper. "And then there's the ones that are absolutely ridiculous."

"Okay, okay, you win," Emily relents, even though, technically, they aren't playing a game. "Now, shush, the movie's starting."

X

She doesn't know how or when, but sometime during the movie, Quinn grabs her hand and the gesture causes a stupid grin to break out onto her face, one that the blonde probably can't see because it's dark. But, it's there regardless and Emily thinks it's going to stay there through the rest of the movie because she hasn't been this happy in a very long time.

* * *

Quinn's grinning like an idiot. She's walking out of the theater with Sadie, hand in hand, and she thinks this is the best date she's ever been on. She doesn't even care that they're holding hands and people can see - she doesn't care because she's happy. For the first time in what feels like too long, she's genuinely happy.

And it's all because of this wonderful, beautiful, intelligent brunette that, for whatever reason, likes her.

"I had fun," Quinn says after they reach her car, reluctantly slipping her hand out of Sadie's. She's reluctant because she wants to hold her hand forever, but she doesn't know how Sadie feels - about this date, about her, about anything. She's too nervous to ask.

Sadie smiles. "Likewise."

Neither of the girls say anything for a few minutes - they just stand there, smiling at each other until Quinn decides to break the silence.

"So, I guess I should take you home, then." She thinks it sounds more like a question rather than a statement.

"You don't have to," Sadie starts. "Tonight doesn't have to end. Not here. Not if you don't want it to."

"I don't," she blurts a little too quickly, but it's true. She doesn't want the night to end. Not already.

She knows they should end it here. She should take Sadie home and then go home herself. It's late, but it's the weekend and normal teenagers stay out past ten 'o' clock. Quinn hasn't felt like a normal teenager since she got knocked up. Maybe it's time to change that.

"Let's go, then," Sadie says, dragging Quinn out of her own little world.

"To where, exactly?" she asks, wanting nothing more than to stay out with Sadie, but having no idea where they can possibly go at this time of night.

"Wherever that car of yours takes us," is Sadie's only answer as she walks past Quinn and climbs into the blonde's car.

Quinn huffs, hating that she has no destination in mind, but at the same time, it's exciting. It's exciting to not know where she's going, to not have to plan for how the rest of their night will be. And it's even more exciting to not have to feel guilty for it.

With that thought in mind, she climbs in the car and takes off the second she puts the car in drive.

X

They end up at the park - she thinks it's the perfect place to end their night. It's the first place where they connected, the first place she got to know Sadie as more than the new girl.

"You believe in fate?" Sadie asks as they start swinging.

She thinks the question's random, but answers, anyway. "Not really," she says, and she means it. She doesn't believe in fate. She used to, but now she thinks all that stuff about fate and destiny and whatever else is a bunch of bull.

Sadie doesn't seem surprised by her answer. "So, you think us ending up at the park is just a coincidence?"

"Well, yeah," Quinn answers, a little baffled by this conversation.

"You used to believe in fate." It's not a question. Quinn doesn't say anything. "Why don't you anymore?"

Quinn has an answer, but she doesn't want to say it aloud. She knows why she doesn't believe in fate anymore - it's because of all that happened with Finn, Puck, and _her_. She can't believe in fate anymore because fate is part of fairy tales and fairy tales aren't real. Fairy tales are fiction. Ergo, fate is fiction.

"It's simple, really," she starts, even though it's a lie because the truth is that it's anything _but _simple. "Fairy tales are fiction. Fairy tales talk about fate. Therefore, fate is fiction." That's not the whole story, though. She really did used to believe, just like every other little girl, but she doesn't anymore because she's not a little girl anymore and this is the real world, not some fairy tale world where dreams come true and Prince Charming sweeps the Princess off her feet. Real life, it doesn't work like that.

Although, she's beginning to think that maybe she never needed a prince. Maybe she should have gone for a princess long ago. It sure would have saved her a lot of emotional turmoil.

She erases that thought, though, because it makes her feel guilty. _She _is not a mistake. Quinn hopes she can tell her that. Someday.

"You're depressing," Sadie jokes, dragging Quinn out of her thoughts. Quinn is thankful for that.

She laughs. "Am not." _Are, too_.

"Are, too," Sadie teases, unknowingly echoing Quinn's previous thought.

The two swing in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. It amazes Quinn how comfortable she feels around Sadie after so little time. She's never taken to someone this easily, this quickly - not Finn, not Sam, not even Puck. She's always known - or at least, thought - that being with a girl would be different, maybe even easier. Of course, relationships are never easy. They'll always require work. It's just, she thinks, maybe, if she and Sadie decide to see where this goes, it won't be like any of her previous relationships, and not just because Sadie's a girl.

It will be different because they'll be taking it slow. There won't be any too quick declarations of love, no promise rings, no child binding them for life.

Quinn knows there are secrets involved. She knows Sadie's hiding something, but so is she. That doesn't have to be an issue. She won't let it because that's something they can change, with time. Everything changes with time.

X

"I'm glad we did this."

Quinn smiles at Sadie's words and leans against the driver's side of her car. She's not sure what time it is - she thinks it's almost midnight, or maybe a little after midnight. Sadie suggested that they leave because it was getting late - she hadn't wanted to leave, but Sadie's right, it is late. She just isn't sure she's ready to say goodnight.

They spent their time at the park swinging, laughing, and talking about important and non-important things. If one got too serious,_ too _personal, the other changed the subject. She knows they can't always do that. If they want this to work, they can't avoid the serious conversations, avoid whatever it is they're both running from, but she doesn't want to worry about that now. Worrying about it is just thinking too far ahead and she doesn't want to do that. Not anymore. She's going to let this play out. She won't push Sadie so long as Sadie doesn't push her.

"Me, too," is her reply, and she means it. She's more than glad. She's ecstatic. "So... Breadstix or no?"

Sadie grins and Quinn swears that her heart skips a beat as the gorgeous brunette leans in a little closer.

"Breadstix," she replies with a nod and Quinn takes that as a yes. She resists the urge to squeal with joy because that's so not like her, and not only that, Sadie's standing a lot closer to her than she was before and all Quinn wants to do right now is _kiss her_. All she has to do is lean in and their lips will touch, but she's scared. That will make whatever is going on between them official, make it _real_, and while that thrills her, it also scares her. Terrifies her.

Before she can even contemplate pulling away, Sadie leans in a little closer and their lips touch. The kiss is chaste, just a slight brush of the lips, but it's enough to ignite something within Quinn, something she hasn't felt in what feels like ages, and before she knows it, she's pressing her lips harder against Sadie's, swiping her tongue along the brunette's bottom lip. Asking permission to taste her.

Sadie grants said permission without hesitation, and before she knows it, their tongues are dancing. Sadie tastes like the chocolate she ate at the theater and the Spearmint gum she chewed at the park, and Quinn finds it so delicious that she doesn't want to pull away, but she does because _slow _is what she promised herself. They're taking this slow.

Even if all she wants to do is kiss her again.

"Wow," is all she says. They're both smiling and Quinn leans in to kiss her again despite her promise to take this slow, but a familiar voice saying, "_Quinn? Sadie?_" causes her to jump back and wince when her back slams a little hard against her car.

Both girls turn at the voice, and Quinn has no doubts that Sadie is as shocked as her to see _Rachel Berry _walking towards them.

Quinn's heart drops as the brunette approaches them, a quizzical look on her face. She expects the question that comes next.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but did I just witness the two of you kissing?"

Sadie looks as though she doesn't know what to say and Quinn's right there with her because neither does she. All she knows is that this was so _not _on the agenda for tonight.

* * *

**author's note: **This was really short. I wanted to write more for their date, but I got so stuck and _ugh_, I truly dislike this chapter. However, I feel bad for having not yet updated, so here you go. Thanks for the reviews, again, and thanks to those of you that have been patient with me. I'm trying to continue with this weekly updating streak, but it's not easy.

That whole thing with Rachel at the end is not random. That's one thing I've had planned since the beginning. So, stick around if you want to see what happens there.

Also, I'm not good with kissing scenes, just a warning. I'm sure it's obvious.


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you a homosexual?"

Quinn scoffs, but doesn't answer. Just leads the brunette into McDonald's, which, thankfully, allows costumers to eat inside until one. She would have taken her to Mercedes' place, but Rachel's loud and talkative and there's no way she's letting Mercedes find out about her date. Still, though she'll never admit it aloud, she feels bad about forcing Rachel into this restaurant - the brunette's clearly resistant and wants to go somewhere else because she's a Vegan, but Quinn refuses to go elsewhere. Maybe, if Rachel keeps her mouth shut, Quinn will make it up to her one day.

"It's perfectly fine if you are," Rachel continues once the two seat themselves at a table in the far corner, away from the few other customers inside the restaurant. Hopefully, out of earshot. "You should be aware by now that I, of all persons, will no-"

"_Please _shut up," Quinn practically begs.

Rachel immediately snaps her mouth shut, to the blonde's surprise.

"What are you even doing out this late?" she asks, even though that's not the question she really wants to ask. What she wants to ask is if Rachel is planning on keeping quiet about her secret or if she has to worry about her, once again, poking her nose where it doesn't belong.

She's long since forgiven Rachel for telling Finn the truth about _her_. If she's being completely honest, she was never mad to begin with. Still, that doesn't mean she trusts Rachel to keep secrets. It's been proven that secret-keeping is not a skill she possesses and Quinn doesn't want to take anymore chances. No one can know about her and Sadie, and not just because she's terrified of her sexual orientation getting back to her parents, but because she knows Puck isn't over her.

He can't hear about Sadie from anyone else. When she's ready to tell him, when she's sure that it's going somewhere, _she_ has to be the one he hears it from. Not Rachel.

"Myself and Finn were on a date," Rachel starts, answering Quinn's question, "and Finn noticed it was getting late. He offered to drive me home, but my home is only a short walk from Finn's, so I assured him I'd be fine on my own."

Leave it to Finn to allow a girl to walk home on her own in the middle of the night. Quinn knows he didn't drive Rachel home because Rachel assured him she's fine, but he should know better than that. She means this with all the affection in her heart, but he can truly be a moron sometimes.

"That's dumb, Berry," Quinn comments, a laugh in her words.

Rachel looks genuinely offended. "I'll have you know that my IQ-"

"It was a joke, Man Hands. Chill," she cuts in with a roll of her eyes. "Do you _always _have to be a drama queen?"

"I refuse to dignify that with an answer," is Rachel's only reply. "Besides, I do believe you're avoiding the true reason we have found ourselves in this atrocious restaurant at this time of night."

"Oh, really? And what's that?" Quinn asks, maintaining that bitchy exterior she always has around Rachel. She knows now is probably the time to drop it, but it's a habit. A bad one, as are most habits, and one that she hates, but a habit nonetheless.

"I'm aware that a previous incident may have proven otherwise, but I _am_ capable of keeping a secret, Quinn," Rachel says, and the blonde's a little surprised by the annoyed tone of her voice. She would have expected it from anyone else, but not from Rachel.

"Okay," is her only reply because she doesn't really know what else to say.

Rachel sighs, clearly exasperated. It makes Quinn feel a little guilty. She's used to that - Rachel always makes her feel a little guilty.

"You were on a date with Sadie, weren't you?"

"Precisely," Quinn mutters, because while she trusts that Rachel will keep this secret, she doesn't want her getting any ideas that this makes them friends. So, she has to be good 'ol HBIC Quinn.

Even if she does feel bad about it because she truly doesn't hate Rachel.

"Does anyone else know you're a homosexual?" Rachel inquires after a moment.

"I'm not a homosexual." She thinks she doesn't _mean _to sound so defensive. "I'm bisexual."

"I apologize," Rachel starts, "but that wasn't my actual question. I asked if any others are aware of your sexuality."

"Yes," she answers, her tone less bitchy than before. "Santana knows. Brittany, too, and Puck."

It feels weird, saying Puck's name aloud. She hasn't spoken it much since they split. She knows it's stupid, but whenever she says his name, her heart hurts just slightly more than it does when she thinks of him, and that ache in her chest worsens. Again, it's stupid, but regardless, she prefers not to talk about him. Ever.

"I've noticed the two of you don't speak often," Rachel states hesitantly. Quinn's surprised at just how hesitant she is to speak - it's not like Rachel to question what she's about to say. She normally talks without caring how her words may affect someone - then again, she thinks maybe those who get unintended insults from Rachel deserve it, especially herself. "I apologize if I'm overstepping, but why is that?"

Quinn doesn't have to ask what, or rather, who, she's referring to. It's clear she's talking about Puck. She doesn't want to talk about him, she really doesn't, but for a moment, she's tempted to tell Rachel everything. Everything about how she never wanted to give _her _away, and how she misses Puck, and how she feels like she can't let anyone else get close because, in the end, all she'll do is hurt them.

She doesn't tell her any of that, however, because she's Quinn Fabray and Quinn Fabray does not break.

"You're right, you are overstepping," she snaps, but she thinks she doesn't sound half as annoyed or angry as she wants to. She just sounds tired because she _is _tired. Not just physically, but emotionally, too.

"Well," Rachel starts and it's obvious she knows Quinn isn't half as angry as she's pretending to be, "I may not be your first choice of person to turn to, but should you ever decide you need to talk, all you must do is ask and I won't hesitate to listen."

"Thanks, Berry." She's too tired to be mean.

Rachel beams at her, but doesn't say anything, for which Quinn is grateful.

"It's getting late, Quinn," Rachel says, breaking the silence that has bestowed itself upon them once again. "My fathers will be worried if I don't arrive home soon," she adds after standing up. "I promise your secret is safe with me, and I wish yourself and Sadie the best. Goodnight, Quinn."

Rachel starts to walk away, but Quinn stops her, saying, "Wait, Berry."

She hopes she doesn't regret what she's about to do when she wakes in the morning.

"Yes?" the brunette queries, turning her head to glimpse at Quinn.

Quinn stands and walks to where Rachel is standing. "Let me give you a ride home."

"That's not necessary."

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, it is, so just let me because it's a one time offer, Berry. And it's late."

Rachel eyes her suspiciously and suddenly Quinn realizes why the girl is so hesitant to get in a car with her.

"It's just a ride, Berry. No tricks, I promise."

She feels guilty that Rachel can't even get in a car with her without worrying whether or not it's just a trick to humiliate her.

"All right, then," Rachel says, smiling now, "thank you. A ride would be nice."

* * *

Emily's nervous. Only, she's not sure that's the right word. Maybe anxious, or something like it.

She doesn't know why she agreed to this; she doesn't even like Santana.

Okay, so she knows why she agreed to this. She agreed to this because Quinn asked her to at least _try _and get along with her best friend. And besides, Emily doesn't even really know Santana... maybe she's not as bad as she seems.

She highly doubts that.

Still, this is the least she can do for Quinn after Friday. Quinn called her yesterday afternoon and told her all about the conversation she had with Rachel at McDonald's after the girl caught them kissing.

She smiles at the thought - not at the thought of Rachel catching them kissing, but the actual thought of kissing Quinn. It felt nice, _really nice_, and she no longer feels as though she can't feel anything for anyone else because at the moment, she feels _a lot _for Quinn. Maybe a little too much.

"Get your skinny ass inside already." The impatient, familiar voice of Mercedes startles her and she jumps a little, completely caught off guard when the girl grabs her by the arm and practically drags her into her house before slamming the door shut behind her.

"Nice to see you, too, Mercedes," she mumbles after the girl releases her arm. She looks around the Jones' living room and smiles when she spots Quinn seated on the right couch cushion; however, her smile fades when she spots Santana seated on the opposite side of the couch, a seemingly permanent scowl etched into her features. Emily can't help but wonder if the girl _ever_ smiles.

She stands awkwardly in the middle of the living room, not sure where to sit. Mercedes is sitting in the chair, so there's another spot on the couch, but she's not so sure she wants to sit anywhere near Santana. All the Latina does is scowl or glare or make snarky comments whenever she's around. She's been told not to take it personally, but frankly, it's annoying.

"Are you going to sit or what?" Santana snaps, resulting in a glare from Quinn.

_Speak of the devil... _She lets the thought trail off and tries not to seem reluctant as she seats herself in between Santana and Quinn. She scoots as close as possible to the aforementioned blonde.

"I should probably sit in the middle," Santana starts suggestively. "Wouldn't want anyone to get any ideas."

Quinn flashes her a warning look. "_Shut up_, San."

Emily watches as Mercedes eyes the two suspiciously. It's obvious she has no clue what the two are going on about, which is why Emily isn't surprised when she excuses herself from the room and announces that she's leaving to go shopping with Tina and Brittany.

She doesn't miss how Santana's scowl falters a bit at the mention of Brittany.

"Later, Crazies," Mercedes teases before leaving the house.

No one speaks until after they hear Mercedes' car leave the driveway.

Santana breaks the silence. "You two can make out, if you wish. I won't mind. Honest."

"San!" Quinn cries indignantly. Emily thinks it's cute that she's trying to hide her blush.

"So, you're a perv, too, huh?" It's just a joke, but Emily realizes too late that she shouldn't have said that. At least, not the 'too' part.

"_Too_?" Santana snaps just as Quinn opens her mouth to no doubt try and change the subject.

"Yeah, I said, _too_."

"_Sadie_." Though she feels bad about it, Emily ignores her.

"I know the perv thing was just your lame ass attempt at a joke, but what am I, _really_?"

"I think you're a bitch."

"_Sadie_," Quinn hisses, louder this time. Both Santana and Emily ignore her.

To Emily's complete surprise, a smile breaks out onto Santana's face. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Quinn is as surprised as her. Maybe even more so.

"Spicy, I like that," Santana comments as her smile morphs into a sly grin. She turns said grin on Quinn and says, "You've done good, Q. I like her."

"But I just called you a bitch," Emily says, not understanding how that comment can make Santana like her. Not that she's complaining. She has enough enemies - she doesn't need to add another one to her list.

"I _am _a bitch," Santana says, like it doesn't even bother her. Emily's beginning to think maybe it doesn't. "I'm harmless, though." Emily doesn't think that's all she has to say. "But mess with Q, break her heart, do _anything _to hurt her, and I won't be so harmless anymore."

"Understood," Emily says after a moment, no longer finding herself intimidated by the Latina... not that she was ever intimidated before.

"Is she a good kisser?" Santana teases, waggling her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

That's when Quinn makes her presence known again. "_Hello_, I'm still here, y'know." She looks at Emily. "Please refrain from answering that question."

Smirking, Emily says, "I happen to think you're an excellent kisser."

Quinn blushes. "Okay, that'll be enough of that. Let's change the subject. _Now_." She adds the last part while sending Santana a warning glance. Said girl merely rolls her eyes before grabbing the remote and un-muting the television.

X

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Quinn asks as she scoots closer to Emily, laying her head on the brunette's shoulder.

Emily aims a smile at her. "Not so bad," she admits.

"So, still prefer that blonde?" Her tone is teasing.

Emily grins. "Oh, trust me, I won't be making any switches over to a brunette anytime soon."

Their faces are closer now, only an inch apart. Quinn's breath is intoxicating. _Quinn _is intoxicating.

"No more talking?" she says, a little breathier than usual.

Quinn nods. "No more talking."

Seconds later, her lips her on Quinn's - that was enough answer for her.

* * *

"I really don't want you leave."

Quinn winces when she realizes that she's whining, or at least, she thinks she _sounds _like she's whining.

It's just that today's been a very wonderful day and she's not positive she's ready for it to end. Even the part of the day that involved Santana was good - the girls had watched an 80s movie and eaten popcorn and various other snacks that they'd probably regret eating the next day, but they hadn't cared at the time. After the movie had finished, they'd given each other makeovers - not actual makeovers, but goofy ones. For the first time in what had felt like forever, Quinn had felt like a _normal_ teenage girl.

After Santana had left, she and Sadie had spent a good amount of time making out on the couch. Whenever they ran out of breath or felt like they needed to take a break, one or the other un-muted the television and they watched some tv before going back to making out.

They're moving fast - maybe not _too _fast, but faster than Quinn is used to moving. Thing is, though, she doesn't mind it. Not really, because she trusts Sadie. She knows she won't be hurt if she lets herself get serious, but she's still scared. Not because of Sadie, but because of herself. The fear she has is the same fear she's had since Finn, and that's that she's _terrified _she'll end up hurting Sadie. She doesn't want to - God knows she doesn't want to, but she hadn't wanted to hurt Finn, either, or Puck. Or Sam.

She did, though. She hurt them badly and she knows it. She hates herself for it. And she doesn't think she can take it if she ends up hurting Sadie, too.

"I really don't want to leave," Sadie says, leaning against the inside of the front door, "but I have to. I'll be late for dinner."

"Have dinner here, with us," Quinn suggests, even though she knows Sadie can't. Quinn's aware of how Sadie's mom feels about her daughter being gay. Mrs. Field knows about them and she's not fond of Quinn, but she tolerates her. Quinn can't stand Mrs. Field, but she tolerates her for Sadie's sake.

Anyway, Mrs. Field doesn't like it when Sadie spends too long with Quinn indoors, whether they're at Sadie's or at Mercedes'. That rule has been enforced from the moment Mrs. Field met Quinn, which was before the two girls even made their romantic interest in each other known. She, apparently, saw it coming and felt it was safer if she enforced the rule sooner rather than later.

Quinn hates the rule. Now more than before.

"Momzilla might not like that," Sadie teases. The bitterness in her tone does not go unnoticed.

"Momzilla can get over it," Quinn coaxes, trying to convince Sadie to stay for at least a few more minutes, though she's perfectly aware it's useless.

She's not used to being alone much anymore, not since she met Sadie, and when Sadie leaves, she _will _be alone. In every sense of the word.

Of course, the Jones' will be home soon, but not soon enough.

"If only it were that easy."

"I don't understand why it can't be." She really doesn't - understand, that is. She doesn't understand why some parents find it difficult to accept their children for who they are. A person's sexuality does not define them. A parent should know that better than anyone.

"That's life, and life just isn't fair," Sadie says with a wry chuckle. "Why dwell on it? It's depressing."

Quinn takes a step closer to Sadie and leans in, pressing her lips to the brunette's in a chaste kiss.

"That goodbye is good enough for me," Sadie says when Quinn pulls away.

Quinn smiles. "See you Monday?"

"Definitely," is all she says before leaving.

And once again, Quinn's alone.

* * *

**author's note: **this is just a filler. no real plot to this chapter. i'm out of practice. i'm still a little sick. i hope to pick back up on weekly updates, but i don't know if i can. i'm not even really sure if i'll be capable of completing this story like i had wanted to. i promise to try.

thanks to those who have stuck around.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hi, Princess."

Santana makes a gagging noise as Emily takes the seat beside Quinn at the lunch table, earning her a few confused glances from the glee club members and a glare from Mercedes.

"I told you to stop calling me that," Quinn mock-reprimands her, sending her a grin when no one else is looking.

The two have been officially dating for a few weeks now. They made it officially _official _the Monday following that Saturday they spent with Santana. Emily asked because she sensed that if she didn't, Quinn wouldn't, and then they would have just been friends who made out on occasion and she hadn't liked that idea very much.

"May I have everyone's attention, please?"

Everyone stops eating. Emily knows it's not because they want to, but because they know if they don't, Rachel won't shut up until they do. Though the others find it annoying, Emily admires it about the girl. Yes, it's a _tad_ annoying, but Emily thinks Rachel will do well out there in the real world.

"What is it, Crazy?" Mercedes asks.

"I don't want to sleep again," Brittany says with a pout. Emily doesn't miss the loving look Santana sends the blonde's way when her attention is elsewhere.

"Well, I-" Rachel starts, but Sam cuts her off, saying, "_Please_ make it quick. No speeches."

"No offense, Rachel, but I second that," Tina pipes up, and Mike and Artie murmur their agreement.

"Hey," Finn snaps, glaring at the three of them as he grabs his girlfriend's hand under the table.

"If all of you would shut up and just let her talk, maybe she _would _get to her point faster," Quinn pipes up, rolling her eyes at her friends. Emily mimics Finn's action and takes _her _girlfriend's hand under the table.

"Thank you, Quinn. I appreciate the support," Rachel says.

"No problem, Rach," Quinn replies. "Now, give your speech before everyone gets antsy."

Rachel chuckles before launching into a speech about the set list for Regionals. A few weeks ago, Emily, as well as the rest of Quinn's friends and even not-so-friends, would have thought Quinn sticking up for Rachel was extremely weird, but she's seen first hand how close the two are becoming, not that Quinn will ever admit it. A couple of weeks ago, the girls were forced to work on a glee assignment together and Quinn asked Emily to help them - she ended up sitting on the sidelines, watching as the two other girls goofed off and danced around the room to silly songs. They ended up going downstairs for a bit while Emily stayed upstairs and she assumes that they had a heart to heart because when they came back upstairs, they were all smiles and treating one another as though they'd been best friends since childhood.

"I'm all for some more MJ," Mercedes says when Rachel finishes speaking. Rachel beams at her.

"I can show off more of my killer dance moves," Mike says.

"That would be wonderful, Mike," Rachel says before focusing her attention on Tina. "I've been meaning to speak to Mr. Schue about you receiving a new solo, or, at the very least, you performing a duet with one of our_ remarkable _leading men. Would you be willing to perform? I wouldn't want to waste any of Mr. Schuester's time if you would not be willing."

Tina nods. "Of course, I'm willing! Thanks, Rachel."

"Of course," Rachel says. "Anything I can do to help our team's chances, I will do, and I believe each of us deserve a fair chance to showcase our talents."

"Puck," Emily starts, attempting to grab the boy's attention - he's the only one who isn't paying attention to Rachel anymore. He doesn't look up. "I think you should sing 'Dirty Diana'. It's badass."

Santana, no doubt catching on to what Emily is attempting to do, says, "It's totally badass, Puck. Like you. It'd be hot. You should _so_ do it."

"I believe Noah would do a wonderful job should he perform 'Dirty Diana'," Rachel says, and Puck finally drops his spoon and looks up.

"Whatever," he mutters. "I'll talk to Schue about it."

"You should," Quinn says without looking at him. "You pelvic thrust enough that the performance should be effortless for you."

Emily grins, glad that Quinn talked to Puck, even if she didn't necessarily look at him whilst doing so. It's a start. She's determined to fix whatever is broken between those two. She's tried asking Quinn about it, but the blonde always avoids the subject, claiming that it's nothing and that the past should stay where it belongs. She'd guilt trip Quinn into opening up, but that would make her a hypocrite because whatever Quinn is hiding can't be half as bad as what _she's_ hiding.

"I said I'd talk to Mr. Schue about it. Don't get your panties in a twist," Puck snaps, though his voice lacks it's usual bitterness.

"I'm assuming there are no objections to my ideas, then?" Rachel asks after sitting once again.

"None whatsoever, Ru Paul," Santana mutters. "Now, can we eat in peace or are you not done annoying me?"

"I'm choosing to ignore you," Rachel snaps before turning to Finn and going back to speaking with only him.

"Thank you, for what you did for him," Quinn whispers once everyone has resumed eating and talking within their little groups.

"No need to thank me," Emily says honestly. "He's too quiet sometimes. It's weird."

Quinn laughs, but doesn't smile. "He never used to be like this. He used to be the most obnoxious guy at the table. This probably sounds stupid, but I kind of miss that guy - y'know, minus all the sexual remarks and whatnot."

"Yeah, minus those," Emily jokes before getting serious again. "I know you don't like to talk of what happened between the two of you, but whenever you're ready - _if _you're ever ready, you know I'm here, right? I promise that I'll listen."

Quinn smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes - the sight of such a sad smile on such a pretty face makes Emily's heart ache.

"There's nothing to talk about," she says, but Emily knows she's lying, "but thank you," she adds, giving the brunette's hand a small squeeze.

Emily decides to drop it (for now, at least) and jumps into the conversation Tina and Mercedes are having about Johnny Depp and his new movie. She's instantly reminded of Hanna - the girl used to talk about Johnny Depp _constantly _and she probably still could talk about him all day if someone let her. She smiles at the thought - she really does miss her. She misses Spencer and Aria, too, but the Glee Club, they help her forget for a while all the people she left behind.

This is her new life and the Glee Club kids, they're her friends now, and she can't let them inside her head. They can't know about her old life. They can't know Emily Fields, the girl from Rosewood, Pennsylvania who loves to swim and has so many secrets that everyone she loves is in danger because of her. No, the girl they have to know is Sadie Field. Sadie likes to swim, but Sadie doesn't have secrets that put everyone in danger. Sadie doesn't hide her sexuality.

She misses being Emily, but she has to let that life go, because being Emily isn't safe anymore.

* * *

"He's kinda broken up over everything, y'know," Finn says.

Quinn nods as she leans against someone's locker. She and Finn are just outside the choir room. She wanted to talk to him about Puck, so she waited for him outside his last class of the day.

She's starting to regret her decision to talk with him, however. Deep down, she had always known that Puck wasn't doing so great, but hearing it from someone who knows him as well as Finn does makes it more real somehow.

"Is it really that bad?" she asks. She doesn't know why she asks, because Finn wouldn't lie to her. He really is a gigantic teddy bear. Yeah, he's made some mistakes, but his heart is too big for him to lie about something as serious as this.

"Yeah," he says, but, no doubt realizing that he's not helping Quinn feel any better, he adds, "but Puck's tough. Really tough, and you know that. I'm sure he'll be fine, Quinn."

He places a reassuring hand on her shoulder and smiles at her, but the gestures make her feel worse, not better. She forces herself to smile, however, and hopes that it's convincing because she knows Finn means well and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

"I hope so," she says, but before Finn can say anything else, she adds, "Thanks, Finn. Sometimes I forget how sweet you are. Rachel's very lucky." She only speaks those last words in hopes of steering the conversation away from her, but that doesn't change how true they are. She does forget sometimes how sweet Finn can be - his sweet personality is one of the reasons she fell for him before, and Rachel _is _lucky to have him. Very lucky. She's sure the brunette knows that.

He beams at her. "Thanks, Quinn. You're sweet, too, y'know? When you want to be."

She chuckles at that last part. "Yeah, exactly. When I want to be."

X

"The girls want some of this sexy, Mr. Schue. They demand it."

"Shut it, Puckerman. I can assure you the girls do not desire-"

"- I desire."

"San, you _always _desire."

"Look who's talking, Q."

"_I'll_ desire if Mike dances shirtless."

"Anything for you."

"Gag me."

"Oh, _whatever_, Santana. You talk like a porn star."

"Why is _Kelly Rowland _talking to me?"

"Oh, no, you didn't. I will cu-"

"Mercedes!"

"Who's Kelly Rowland?"

"Certainly not me. I'm Beyonce."

"That's _enough_!" Mr. Schue shouts. Everyone shuts up.

"Thank you, Mr. Schue," Quinn says, glad that he's finally convinced the others to stop talking.

She hears Sadie chuckle. Her girlfriend is seated beside her, as usual.

_Girlfriend_. She loves the sound of that word and Sadie's name in the same sentence. She's falling hard for the brunette. There's no denying that, not that she even wants to deny it. She wants to tell everyone, but she can't. She can tell the club, of course, because they would never say anything to anyone else, but she can't tell her friends in the glee club until she tells Puck. It's just that she can't bring herself to speak to him - every single time she tries, she accidentally meets his gaze and is reminded of _her_. It's too painful.

She knows it's not fair to Puck because it's _not _his fault, but she needs more time. Just a little more time.

"Each of you have thought up some very brilliant song choices," Mr. Schue starts, successfully dragging Quinn out of her thoughts, "and I don't have any objections to any of them." Everyone starts cheering, but Mr. Schue shushes them, adding, "_However_, I'm not guaranteeing any of these songs will be added to the set list. Starting tomorrow, I want each of you to perform the songs you have chosen and convince me that adding your choice to the list is what's best for the club."

"The Puckerone is always what's best for the club, Mr. Schue," Puck says, flexing his biceps.

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Says you," she says without really thinking about _who _she's speaking to.

Puck smirks, but doesn't look at her, for which she's thankful.

She's glad, though, that Puck is acting more like... well, more like Puck.

"Mr. Schuester, I can assure you that my performance will be so utterly _spectacular _that you will not find it in yourself to refuse me another opportunity to shine as I did at Sectionals the previous year," Rachel says so quickly that Quinn only half understands her. She's positive she's not alone in that.

"Don't _even_, San," Quinn snaps when Santana opens her mouth to, no doubt, insult Rachel. "I'll have you moved back to the bottom of the pyramid."

Santana huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. "Whatever," she mutters with a roll of her eyes.

Rachel sends a smile the blonde's way before focusing her attention on Mr. Schuester again. "I'm also fully convinced that Quinn's song choice making the set list _is _what's best for the glee club. I hope you take my expertise into consideration when deciphering whether or not her choice will, as you always say, 'make the cut'."

"Well, then," Mr. Schue starts, focusing his attention on Quinn - she hates the look on his face and she just _knows _what he's going to say next, "Quinn, why don't you perform your choice now? That is, if you already have an arrangement prepared, of course."

Quinn opens her mouth to lie, but Rachel cuts in, saying, "Mr. Schuester, before Quinn feeds you a lie, I'll have you know that she is fully prepared to perform. The two of us completed her arrangement a few nights ago. My fathers and Sadie can vouch for that."

Quinn glares at the brunette, but she merely smiles before returning to her seat.

"You can do this," Sadie whispers from beside her, and that's all the convincing she needs.

"I'm ready," she says before standing and making her way over to the piano.

"Do you guys know 'Slipped Away'?" she asks the band.

The band answers by grabbing their instruments.

"The song's a little slower than usual," she explains. "Santana and Rachel, could I get the two of you to sing the 'na, na, nas?"

The two girls answer by standing and making their way behind Quinn.

Once each girl is ready and situated, the band starts to play.

After Santana and Rachel open the song, Quinn opens her mouth and sings, "_I miss you, miss you so bad_."

The song isn't easy for her to sing. Halfway through the song, she finds herself meeting Puck's gaze for the first time in a very long time. He knows. She can see it in those eyes of his that he knows why she chose this particular song. She doesn't have to look at the others to know that they, too, know her reasoning for choosing 'Slipped Away.'

The only one who doesn't know is Sadie. She can't bring herself to look at her girlfriend, so as she continues to sing, she keeps her gaze on Puck, but after a few more words leave her lips, looking into his eyes becomes painful and she looks away, focusing her attention on no person in particular.

She can feel tears pooling in her eyes, but she fights them and prays that her voice won't crack before she's finished. If Sadie isn't suspicious already, which Quinn is sure she is, then she will be if the blonde randomly bursts into tears before she's even finished the song. She'll be worried and she'll ask the same questions she's been asking since day one, and if that happens, Quinn isn't so sure she can keep lying. She's sick of lying to Sadie - the guilt is eating away at her and she hates that because it reminds her so much of when she was keeping the truth about _her_.

She doesn't want to lie anymore, but she has to.

* * *

Emily knows something is wrong before Quinn even finishes the song. Her girlfriend is avoiding her gaze and it only takes her seconds to realize why. She's crying, or on the verge of crying. The latter is most likely, because no one else, aside from Puck, looks worrisome.

Whatever is wrong, it has to do with Puck and the song she chose to sing. Those two things are obvious because Quinn looked directly at Puck and she doesn't do that. _Ever_.

Quinn doesn't look at her when she reclaims the seat beside her, forcing Sam to return to his seat beside Santana. That gesture is another dead giveaway that she was fighting back tears, or that she still is fighting back tears.

Emily tries to get Quinn to look at her, but the efforts are futile and after a few minutes, she's forced to give up and focus her attention on Mr. Schuester.

Mr. Schue tells Quinn that she did a fantastic job, but that her song choice can't be added to the set list because it doesn't fit with what he had in mind for this year's competition. Quinn doesn't look too disappointed that she can't perform the song again, but despite her seemingly not being upset, Mr. Schue informs her that she will be performing 'Slipped Away' again very soon.

The remainder of practice consists of Puck and Mike's performance of 'Dirty Diana' being approved for the set list, Rachel's solo being approved for an upcoming pep rally and for the set list, and Finn, Rachel, and Mr. Schue arguing over whether or not one of Finn and Rachel's duet suggestions will be added to the set list.

Thankfully, before their discussion gets too heated, the bell rings.

It takes all of five seconds for about half of the club to gather their things and exit the choir room. Mercedes and Santana stay behind with Quinn and Emily, but they leave after the four girls agree to meet for a late dinner at Breadstix around eight 'o' clock.

"Alone at last," Emily jokes after the two girls have left, trying to coax Quinn out of the trance she seems to be in. She knows the blonde's not okay, even if that _is_ what she'll say whenever Emily asks, and it bothers Emily that she doesn't know what's wrong.

Yes, she knows that it's related to Puck and whatever happened between the two, but that's the thing, she has no idea what happened between the two.

"Are you all right?" she asks despite her earlier thought that Quinn will deny being anything but all right.

"I'm fine," Quinn says without missing a beat, as though she wasn't just in her own little world.

Emily fights the urge to call her out on that lie.

"I want to tell Mercedes about us," Quinn blurts after a moment, turning so that she's facing Emily. "She's practically my family now. She deserves to know."

She knows what Quinn's trying to do, and she's going to let her do it... for now. She can always bring up her trance-like state later.

"I like that idea," Emily says with a smile. She means it. She wants Quinn to feel like she can tell people about them. She wants her to feel more comfortable with who she is. "My mom's coming around, y'know?" she says while taking Quinn's hands in her own. "She doesn't understand, but - I don't know, it's a start."

Quinn smiles. "That's great, Sadie. I'm glad."

"You know, the only reason I brought it up is because..." She pauses, not sure if Quinn will agree with what she's about to say, not sure if maybe it's too soon in their relationship for Quinn to be meeting her parents. "I brought it up because my mom wants to have you over for dinner. She wants to make an effort," she eventually continues, "but you don't have to-"

"I'd love to," Quinn interrupts her. "I don't think it'd look so good on my part if I didn't agree to join your family for dinner."

"They'll love you," Emily assures Quinn after she adopts a worried look. "It's impossible not to fall for your charm."

X

"Mr. Schue is frustrating. I don't even want to sing 'Slipped Away' again. Why can't I sing something fun? Everything I sing has to be serious. I'm _not _uptight - a bit of a bitch, maybe, but not uptight."

Emily watches with half-amusement, half-worry as Quinn paces in front of her. They're in Quinn's room, where they've been for about ten minutes. After they left school, they stopped at the park for about an hour and ate the sixlets leftover from Quinn's lunch while doing what they always do at the park: swinging. Quinn started stressing about her song, however, and Emily suggested they go to the Jones' because Quinn could work on her song there, but instead of doing so, Quinn launched into a speech about how unreasonable, unfair, and frustrating Mr. Schue is. Emily keeps trying to convince her to stop pacing and sit down, but she isn't exactly succeeding.

"Why did you want to cry when you were singing that song?"

She thinks that will get Quinn to stop pacing. She's right.

"What?" Quinn asks, taking a seat on the side of her bed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

All Emily wanted was for Quinn to stop pacing, but now that she has her attention, she wants to approach this subject again. The subject being Puck and whatever happened between him and her girlfriend, because she's tired of letting Quinn avoid the subject.

It's not fair, she knows that, because she's keeping secrets, too, but she wants to be there for Quinn and she can't be if she doesn't know what's wrong.

Emily sends her a disbelieving look. "Right. Of course."

Quinn glares, but it's weak. "Laying the sarcasm on a bit too thick, don't you think?"

Emily's lips twitch. "Nice try, Princess."

Emily isn't stupid. She knows Quinn's trying to change the subject by attempting to start a playful argument. She's done it before and she's succeeded, but not this time.

"What happened between you and Puck, Quinn?" she asks, her expression serious again.

The blonde's expression falls - there's a sadness in her eyes that wasn't there before. There's something else there, though. Something Emily can't quite identify. Regret, maybe. Or guilt.

"Why don't you ever talk about Rosewood?"

The question is unexpected. So unexpected that it catches Emily off guard and she forgets for a moment that they're supposed to be talking about Quinn and Puck.

"Nothing to tell," Emily lies. "The town was boring. The people were nice." Not all of them, she thinks. Definitely not all of them.

"I really like you, Sadie," Quinn starts; Emily wishes she knew her real name, "and I trust you. I wouldn't be taking a chance on you, a chance on _us_, if I didn't."

She knows there's a but in there somewhere. Even the sweetest of sentences have buts in them. "But?"

Quinn sighs. "_But_, I'm not ready to talk about him or what happened between us. I know secrets are bad - trust me, I know they are because I destroyed a relationship with a very sweet guy because of secrets and lies, but I also know I'm not the only one in this relationship keeping a secret, or _secrets_. You never talk to me, either."

Emily doesn't say anything. She doesn't know what to say because Quinn's right.

"I understand why you don't, okay? I'm not mad." This would normally be the part where Emily calls the person who says they're not mad a liar (because, really, what person who says they're not mad is ever really _not _mad?), but this time's different because she knows Quinn's being honest. She's not mad. "I'm not mad because I see how whatever you're hiding is eating away at you. I wish you would talk to me, but I know it wouldn't be fair if I pushed you because I won't talk to you, not about what's eating away at me."

Emily wants to tell her everything. She wants to tell Quinn about Allison and 'A' and about _everything _that happened in Rosewood, but keeping her in the dark is what's best. It's safer.

Neither girl says anything for a few minutes. They just sit, looking at each other. She wants to know what Quinn's thinking, what this talk means for them. They've never talked about their secrets before, not like this. Both girls have hinted at what they want to know in the past, but they've never been this blunt, nor this serious about it.

Emily knows it's stupid to think such a thing, but she doesn't want this to ruin what they have. She doesn't want it to be true that secrets ruin relationships, but they do. She knows they do because it's happened to her before and Quinn says it's happened to her before... so, what now?

"Santana wants us all to wear something cute to Breadstix," Quinn eventually blurts, her serious expression gone. "Apparently, she has a surprise for us after we eat," she adds with a smile that has Emily growing confused.

"I-huh?"

"We should probably go half-casual, half-formal because I have no doubts that we'll be going to a party because partying is what Santana does best," Quinn continues on as if she doesn't even notice how confused her girlfriend is.

It takes a few more seconds, but Emily eventually catches on. Quinn's saying, without actually having to say it, that they should avoid their previous conversation. Pretend it never happened.

Doing so won't be so easy this time, but she's okay with that. For now.

"Don't wear anything too sexy. I don't want anyone getting any ideas. You're mine."

Quinn grins and the two continue their playful banter, which eventually leads to making out.

Their previous conversation is still playing in Emily's mind, but she won't let it bother her; not now. She's in her girlfriend's room, making out with said girlfriend, and she's happy. She's truly happy despite everything and it's been a while since she's felt this way. She won't ruin it, not over this.

She'll be patient with Quinn, just like Quinn will be patient with her, because after all, patience is a virtue.

* * *

**author's note**: hi! i'm not giving up on this story yet. i don't know if maybe some of you thought i was because of my last author's note, but trust me, i'm definitely not. things will be a little more serious from this point - that's what their conversation at the end was for, to kind of give the readers an idea of what's ahead for emily and quinn. i didn't want them to get too serious at the end because i'm not ready for them to be completely honest with each other. quinn needs to deal with a certain someone before she can completely open up to emily.

while this story is a romance story and focuses on the relationship forming between quinn and emily, it is also a story about two girls who need to quit running, but are not so sure they can.

anywho, i'll try not to be so critical of myself in these notes and leave the criticism or not-so-criticism to the reviewers, because i'll admit, i have the tendency to be, as one reviewer pointed out, self-deprecating. it's a flaw that i've been working on since i was six.

they do say "you are your own worst critic", do they not? you know, whoever _they _is because they say a lot of things. lol.

okay, i'm through ranting now. thanks for the reviews, again. i really do appreciate them.

-kara.


	8. Chapter 8

"I don't like purple," Quinn mutters.

"I can't comprehend why not. Purple is a beautiful color."

Quinn glares at Rachel, but the glare is half-hearted. She's not irritated, just exhausted. She was right about Santana's surprise the previous night being a party. The party had been all right, nothing too wild or too boring, but she hadn't done much partying; she just sat and watched as her friends and girlfriend partied until one in the morning, when Quinn decided she'd had enough and needed to return home. Santana had been upset about having to leave so 'early', so Quinn has no doubts she'll be receiving the cold shoulder from the Latina for a few days.

Quinn had driven Sadie home, but the two girls hadn't said much to one another the whole ride. She doesn't like to think it, but she knows their conversation about secrets changed things between them. She doesn't know how, exactly, but they did and she spent most of the night thinking of how to keep this relationship from failing like all her others before it.

She's thought of nothing - her relationship with Sadie will fail or it will survive, and she realizes the only thing she can do, the thing she _should do_, is let it play out.

"I am aware that it's fairly early in the morning," Rachel starts, "but I'm not convinced your exhaustion is related to the time." The two girls are at the school. They have been since about six-thirty. They should be in their first class of the day now, but they've been excused so they can finish their poster for an upcoming English presentation. "I get the impression you failed to receive a sufficient amount of sleep last night."

"I did go to a party, y'know," Quinn says, part of her wanting to talk about what's bothering her, but the other part, a much smaller part, telling her to just let it be. "It's no big deal, Rach. Honest," she adds when Rachel doesn't look convinced. "My sleep schedule is fine."

"Something's not quite right here, Quinn," Rachel says instead of dropping the subject like Quinn wishes she would. "There's something bothering you. You can be honest with me, and I like to think that's a fact you already know."

"I do, Rach. I know. It's just, I don't want to-"

"If you say you do not wish to talk about it, you'll be making a liar of yourself," Rachel interrupts her, a knowing look on her face.

Quinn's unsure of how the brunette reads her so well. She realizes maybe it's because Rachel knows her, the real her, even though they haven't been friends for long. Rachel's always made an effort to be Quinn's friend and Quinn has always rejected her - she realizes now how big of a mistake she made in doing so.

"Okay, I'll talk," she eventually relents, placing her pen on the poster they've been working on. "Sadie's curious... about Puck. Puck and me, actually."

"I assume it's not easy for you to speak of Puck and not think of..." Her sentence trails off, for which Quinn is thankful.

"Exactly," Quinn says, not in the least bit surprised that Rachel caught on so easily. "I feel bad about keeping something this big from her, because I care about her so much, but I _can't _talk about him and I definitely can't talk about _her._"

She doesn't miss the way her voice cracks at the end. The look on her friend's face says she's not the only one who heard it.

"I know you probably won't want to hear this, but it hasn't been easy for Noah, either."

The way she says it isn't mean, just honest. Quinn's not mad at her for it. She's not even the first to point that out and Quinn has no doubts that she won't be the last.

"I know," she whispers, unable to speak any louder for fear of her voice breaking.

"Again, I don't want to overstep any boundaries, but- don't you believe it would be in your best interest to speak with him?"

"You're not overstepping any boundaries, Rach," Quinn tells her friend, her tone once again normal. "I appreciate what you're trying to do by asking that, and yeah, it probably is best for me to speak to him, but I don't know if I can."

"I don't believe that. You and Noah are very strong people. The two of you can, and will, overcome this. Someday."

Quinn smiles - it's a small one, but at least it's real. She wants to believe that what Rachel is saying is true. She wants to believe that she, as well as Puck, can overcome this. That they can move on and let go of the past and all the mistakes they've made.

She knows Puck can, but she's not sure if _she _can. Puck's stronger than her. And if she's being honest with herself, he's a better person than she is right now. He's changing - he stands up for the people he used to put down; she doesn't. She still plays the part of the girl she was before they made that mistake that changed everything. Inside, she's not that girl anymore - she's not sure she ever really was that girl, but outside, she always has been that girl and she doesn't know if she can stop being her. She doesn't think she knows _how _to stop being that girl.

"You're right," she says, because she thinks _maybe_, just maybe, she can overcome this. Maybe she can move on.

It's only after they go back to work on their poster that, in a whisper she's not even sure Rachel hears, she adds, "I hope."

X

Her morning classes pass by even slower than usual, so she's more than happy when it's time for lunch.

Lunch starts out a little different than usual; the most unusual thing being that Quinn does not seat herself directly beside Sadie. Instead, she takes the seat across from her girlfriend, the seat that Puck usually occupies.

She can see the questioning look in Sadie's eyes when their gazes lock momentarily, but she ignores it. She feels guilty for doing so, but she can't talk to Sadie right now. Yes, things were fine after their conversation and they acted as though nothing was wrong, but Quinn knows better, despite being the one who had suggested they pretend nothing is wrong.

That conversation is looming over the both of them, and nothing they say or do can make it go away. No matter how hard they try to pretend it never happened, it _did _happen and now, everything is different.

They're both hiding something, and now, that fact is out in the open. Before, they could avoid it because neither girl had ever outright said they were hiding something, neither girl had acknowledged that they weren't being one hundred percent honest with one another.

The previous night had changed that and Quinn doesn't know how to pretend it never happened. Pretending used to be easy for her - not easy in the sense that it didn't make her feel like a terrible person, but easy in the sense that she could bury the guilt like she buried everything else, but this is different somehow. This time, she can't bury the guilt.

"Guess I'm sitting by cool chick today."

Puck's words drag Quinn out of her thoughts. She's thankful for the distraction.

It doesn't take long for the others to arrive and in just a few minutes, the silence is no more.

"It seems to me that you're continuing to avoid it," Rachel whispers. The brunette is sitting to her left because she and Finn switched seats with Sam and Santana. Finn is too engrossed in a conversation with Artie and Mike to pay much attention to his girlfriend.

"I'm not avoiding anything," Quinn mutters, taking another bite of her sandwich so she has an excuse not to say anything more for a few seconds.

"You're not a very convincing liar," Rachel replies.

"Your boyfriend would say otherwise."

Her words surprise even her. She doesn't know why she said that. Only, that's not the whole truth because she sort of does know why. She said it because she wants Rachel to drop the subject and she knows that Finn can sometimes be a sore subject between them. He's not a sore subject because Quinn's still in love with him or because Rachel still feels threatened by Quinn. He's a sore subject sometimes because of all the drama behind everything that happened. And even though Rachel wasn't dating Finn at the time, she was still a very big part of 'baby gate.' She's the reason everyone knows the truth about _her_, because, as much as the thought makes her feel guilty, if Rachel had never said anything, Quinn would have continued to lie.

There was a time when Quinn resented Rachel. She wasn't lying when she said that to Sadie. She doesn't resent her anymore, not in the least, but sometimes, she thinks maybe Rachel doesn't believe that. She can't blame her for not fully trusting her because Quinn hasn't always treated Rachel that great, and they may be friends now, but it'll take a little longer for the past to stay completely in the past.

"He's forgiven you," Rachel says, "and you're aware of that. It's time you forgive yourself... for everything."

She knows what Rachel means by 'for everything', but she pretends she doesn't.

"Thanks, Rach. I'll take that into consideration," is her only reply. She excuses herself from the table after speaking, ignoring the questioning looks she receives from Puck and Sadie. She heads to the opposite side of the cafeteria and dumps her tray, not sure of where she's going to spend the rest of lunch, but knowing that she can't stay in the cafeteria.

* * *

Emily's not excited for Chemistry - she wasn't all that excited for her previous class, either, but at least it wasn't awkward; just boring. Chemistry _will _be awkward. It will be awkward because Quinn's in the class with her and apparently, her girlfriend's decided to ignore her, so...

She knows why Quinn avoided her at lunch; she does, and she gets it. What she doesn't get is why Quinn is the one doing the avoiding when _Quinn _is the one who suggested they forget the conversation ever happened and go back to how things were before it took place.

She knew it was a bad idea, she _knew _it, but she hadn't said anything because she'd seen how _pained _Quinn had looked and if continuing to keep their secrets to themselves is the only way to keep that look off her girlfriend's face, then keeping her secret to herself is exactly what Emily will do.

She wishes she had never asked Quinn about Puck. Maybe then things would be okay and not awkward, but there's no such thing as a time machine, unfortunately.

"Hey, cool chick."

The familiar male voice startles her out of her thoughts, and she forces a smile onto her face after turning so she can face Puck. He hasn't stopped calling her 'cool chick' since the day Quinn corrected him the first time he said it because at the time, he actually hadn't remembered her name.

"I told you to stop calling me that," she jokes with a small laugh, but the smile the laugh leaves behind quickly fades when she sees his expression change from amused to serious. "Why so serious?"

"You and Quinn didn't sit together at lunch," he points out.

She _really _doesn't want to get into this with him. "Thank you, Captain Obvious." Maybe if she keeps joking around, he won't ask questions. Although, it's not like it matters - the final warning bell for seventh period will ring in a few minutes and they'll both have to enter the Chem room, so they won't be able to talk, anyway.

"Captain Obvious wants to know why," he says instead of dropping the subject. She huffs, but doesn't say anything. "Look, you and Quinn seem really close and I just..." He pauses and she can see that he's conflicted, though she hasn't a single clue what he's thinking. "She's seemed really damn happy lately, is all, and I don't know why, but it's because of you. And now... well, now the two of you aren't speaking and that needs to change 'cause I feel better when I know she's okay."

She can see how hard it is for him to admit that, to admit that his happiness depends on someone else's. She can also see that he means it. He wants Quinn to be okay because apparently, she hasn't been okay for a really long time. Emily guessed that, of course, but she never realized, until now, just how bad it is.

"What isn't she telling me, Puck?" She knows she won't have to elaborate. That's obvious from the look she receives after she asks the question.

"That's between you and Q," Puck says, his voice a little strained.

"What's between you and Q?" Quinn asks after appearing beside Emily.

Emily had thought Quinn was in the Chem room already, but she was, obviously, mistaken.

Puck doesn't say anything to either girl as he enters the Chem room. Emily glares at his retreating figure before facing her girlfriend. She can see the questions in the girl's eyes, so she's not surprised when Quinn asks, "What was that all about?"

She guesses this means that they're no longer avoiding each other, but still avoiding their conversation from the previous night. Not that she was actually avoiding Quinn to begin with. More like Quinn was the one avoiding her. Until now.

"Nothing," Emily lies. Quinn doesn't look convinced. "We should go to class. The bell's about to ring and I know how you hate being late."

Quinn still doesn't look entirely convinced that Emily and Puck's conversation was about nothing, but she doesn't press the matter further and agrees that she and Emily should enter the classroom before the warning bell.

"Sorry about lunch," are the last words that either of the girls speak to each other before class starts, and Quinn's the one who says them.

X

"Are you okay? Is Ari okay? What about Hanna? Everyone's okay, right? You, Aria, Hanna, Toby, and that one new guy whose name I can't-"

"We're _fine_," Spencer insists from the other end of the line, a hint of impatience in her tone. "And his name is Caleb," she adds with a chuckle.

Emily heaves a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank _God_," she breathes. "You need to be more specific when you say 'something happened with A' or I'm always going to assume the worst."

There's a brief pause before Spencer says, "Well, that's the thing-"

"_What's _the thing?" Emily interrupts her.

"We're all okay, Emily," Spencer reassures her, "but Aria had a close call last night. That's all."

"What do you mean _close call_?"

She doesn't like the sound of that. Especially when it pertains to 'A'.

"'A' was trying to ruin Aria and Mr. Fi-Ezra again and Aria decided to follow A's trail, against her better judgment and my input."

"So, what happened? How bad is it?" she asks, impatient now.

"I told you everything's fine. I wouldn't lie to you," Spencer starts. "And it was nothing too serious," she continues. "'A' almost got her with a car, but Aria rolled out of the way before he or she could." Emily breathes another sigh of relief at that. "She has a few nasty scrapes and cuts, but nothing life threatening, so you can stop your worrying now."

"I won't ever stop worrying," she says and she means it. "Not until this is over." She's not sure it ever will be. It can't be, not until they catch 'A'.

"This can't last forever, Em." Spencer sounds so sure of her own words that Emily has a hard time not believing them.

Deep down, she knows Spencer is right. Eventually, they'll catch 'A' or 'A' will get bored and this nightmare will end, but until then she's going to worry and the words 'something happened with A' will always have a negative effect on her.

"You're right," she relents. "You always are, actually."

"Not always," Spencer counters, "but mostly."

"How very modest you are, Spence," Emily jokes.

"Definitely modest." Spencer laughs. After her laughter fades, she says, "I wish I could talk more, but-"

"-you have to go," Emily finishes for her. "I understand."

"It's an 'emergency'. Hanna's having a dilemma."

Emily chuckles, but the sound's a little sad. She wishes she could be there, helping with that 'dilemma' that probably isn't much of a dilemma, but she can't be. The thought pains her more than she'll ever say because she doesn't want to burden her friends more than they are already burdened.

"Did she finally give into Lucas?"

"Not exactly. More like, she gave into Caleb."

"The bad boy?" Emily honestly isn't surprised that Hanna would choose a bad boy over nice guy Lucas.

"He honestly doesn't seem so horrible," Spencer admits. "I haven't exactly warmed up to him, nor has Aria, but Hanna really likes him and he treats her well, so..."

"... you'll keep trying to warm up to him because Hanna's happy," Emily finishes for her.

"You need to quit finishing my sentences, Em. It's weird," Spencer jokes before adding, "We'll talk more later, okay? I seriously need to go, though, because I have to wring Hanna's neck."

Emily chuckles before saying, "Okay, I get it. Bye, Spence. Love you and miss you."

"I love and miss you, too, Em. Bye," Spencer says. After a few seconds, the line goes dead, signaling that Spencer hung up. Emily hits the end button on her cell and shoves it back into the pocket of her jeans, but only after checking the time. She's a little late for Glee practice, but it's not a big deal because she's not actually part of the club, so...

"Ah, Sadie, perfect timing," Mr. Schue says after she enters the room.

"For what, Mr. Schue?" she asks, half-feigning curiosity as she takes her usual seat beside Quinn.

"To see Puck perform," Mr. Schue answers, earning a groan of protest from Puck, who looks more exhausted than usual. She guesses that has to do with his complete lack of sleep the previous night because he, too, attended the party Santana had dragged Mercedes, Quinn, and Emily, too.

"Where were you?" Quinn whispers as Puck grabs his guitar and the band helps him set up for his performance.

"On the phone," Emily says, not fully looking at her girlfriend. "Hanna was having a 'dilemma' and Spencer needed my help to calm her down." It's only a half-lie, but it still makes her feel guilty. She's already told Quinn about Hanna, Spencer, and Aria, but of course, she's never once mentioned 'A' and she doesn't plan to. Not anytime soon, that is.

What almost happened to Aria the previous night is the perfect example of _why _she can't say anything. She knows it's irrational to think such a way, but she feels like telling Quinn about 'A' will somehow put her in danger, even though 'A' is in Rosewood and not Lima, Ohio.

She tries to ignore that she may be using that as an excuse to make herself feel less guilty about lying.

"All right, guys, Puck has to sing at a wedding soon, and he's asked to perform his song for us as practice," Mr. Schue starts, taking the seat behind Emily that Puck previously occupied. "And once he's finished, you can all leave," he adds. In response, everyone claps, but the applause fades as the music starts.

Once Puck opens his mouth and starts singing, all the girls are focused on him and only him. She's not surprised, not really. His voice is deep, but not too deep. It's sexy, actually, and she thinks 'I'll Be' is a perfect song to perform at a wedding.

She turns her head and studies Quinn for a moment. Her girlfriend is just as entranced as the others, but there's something different in her eyes. She recognizes the emotion in those hazel orbs immediately - it's love. Not love _love_, but still love.

Emily's not jealous. She has no right to be, not even as Quinn's girlfriend, and she knows she has no reason to be. Quinn's not in love with Puck anymore. Oh, she was, once upon a time. Emily can see that. She saw that even before Quinn told her, but they're a little more than friends. There's something _more _between them; she just doesn't know what.

There's a couple rounds of applause after Puck finishes and once it dies down, everyone, remembering Mr. Schue's promise that they can leave after Puck's performance, practically jumps out of their chairs and exits the choir room.

As usual, Quinn and Emily slowly trail their way behind the others and exit whenever the coast is clear.

"I was thinking we could go to Breadstix tonight," Quinn says after they reach Emily's locker.

"Weren't we just there last night?" she asks, though she's not exactly opposed to the idea. Maybe it's a little childish of her, but she's peeved that Quinn hasn't said anything more about lunch. She apologized, sure, but an explanation, an actual _conversation_, would have been nice.

It's starting to bother her that they can't be too personal with each other. It's partly her fault, she knows that, but she also knows that, when the time feels right, she will talk. She's decided that she won't hide her secrets from Quinn forever, even if it would be safer that way.

"I said I was sorry about lunch," Quinn says, catching on immediately, which doesn't surprise Emily. "I _am _sorry."

"I believe you," Emily assures her, shutting her locker after having retrieved her Chemistry textbook and notes. "Breadstix sounds nice."

"Good." There's a smile on Quinn's face now, which pleases Emily. "I'll pick you up at six then, okay? I have a few things I need to do here before I can leave."

She nods, deciding not to ask questions because whatever her girlfriend has to do here is probably school-related and not personal. And regardless, it's not any of her business.

"Sounds great," Emily replies.

The two share a quick kiss before heading off in different directions.

* * *

Silence, absolute silence - it's music to Quinn's ears.

She goes through a list of songs in her head, trying to choose one to perform at the charity event her mother is dragging her to next month. That's why she stayed behind, so she could have the choir room to herself and practice without interruptions.

Eventually, she settles on 'Where the Story Ends.' The event isn't a gala and she doesn't have to perform a song related to the cause, so she thinks a song by The Fray is perfectly fine. It's not even an event, per say, it's more like a concert, only not everyone will be singing, so... maybe talent show is more like it.

"_Trying not to lose my head, but I have never been this scared before,_" she starts singing, shoving all her thoughts aside and allowing a melody to take their place.

As she continues to sing, she feels at peace. The feeling is almost foreign to her these days, so she revels in it.

She's so lost in the words leaving her lips that she doesn't hear when the door opens, nor notice that she is no longer alone. She doesn't notice when Puck leans against the inside of the door, nor does she feel his eyes on her as he watches her sing with her eyes closed tight.

It's only after she finishes singing that Puck's presence is made known, due to him applauding her.

She whirls around, completely shocked to find that she's not alone.

"I - how long have you been standing there?" she manages to ask after sputtering incoherent nonsense for a few seconds.

"Long enough," Puck replies coolly, showing no signs that he plans on leaving.

"I'd like to be alone," she says evenly.

Puck's only response is to lock the door.

Quinn glares, managing to avoid his gaze whilst doing so. "What do you think you're doing, Puck?" No response. "Unlock the door."

"I'm going fucking insane here, Q," Puck says instead of listening to her. "I miss her, too, okay? And you're the only one who fucking gets it. I don't care if I sound like a pansy, because my baby girl is gone and there isn't shit I can do about it. And I hate it. I know you do, too, so stop avoiding me and just fucking talk to me."

She doesn't say anything. She just stares at him, not sure what to do or say because he's never done this before. He's tried talking to her before, but not like this. And she's not sure she has it in herself to turn him away this time because she's so tired of feeling guilty.

"I do, I miss her," she eventually says, because she thinks maybe if she throws him a bone, he'll leave her be for a little while longer. Because yes, she feels guilty, but she can't have this conversation. Not here. Not now. "I miss her _everyday_ and it's killing me," she continues, trying, but failing, to keep her voice from breaking.

Tears sting at her eyes, but she forces them back. The one thing she won't do is cry in front of Puck.

"I regret giving her..." She pauses, takes a deep breath. Her only thoughts are _can't cry, won't cry_. "...away," she finishes. "Even though I-I know it was the right thing. The best thing, for her."

"It was. It is," Puck says, like he's trying to convince not only her, but himself, too.

She takes another deep breath, but it doesn't work this time - a traitor tear falls and slides down her right cheek. She quickly wipes it away, hoping Puck doesn't notice, but one look at his face is proof enough that he does.

"Quinn..." he starts, his expression and tone much softer than before.

She shakes her head, interrupting him. "No, don't. _Please_. I can't... I can't talk about this anymore, okay? I just can't."

"I know it's not easy, but don't fucking do this again. Please. This is making me nuts. I can't sleep or-or hang out with the guys. All I can fucking do is think about Beth, and they really don't get it so I can't talk to them."

All she hears is that name. _Her _name. Beth.

She hasn't thought it since they gave her away, hasn't let the name invade her thoughts. It's always there, trying to push its way to the front of her mind, but she hasn't let it. Not until now. And it's too much. It's too soon.

She needs to get out of here. She would try to get past Puck, but she's not strong enough to get by him and he's not going to let her leave. Not until they talk some more, but she just can't.

"I'm dating Sadie," she blurts, regretting the words even before they slip from her mouth.

Puck stares at her, looking as though he doesn't quite believe her. Like he doesn't want to believe her.

_Well, at least you got his attention_.

She tries not to think of how this is so not how she wanted him to find out.

"You're _what_?"

She doesn't answer him because she knows the question is rhetorical. He's trying to process the information, but she knows he won't accept it. Not right now. The hurt she can see reflecting in his eyes is proof of that. She'd chalk it up to them talking about _her_, but that's not it. Not all of it, anyway. She may be a lot of things, but naive isn't one of them.

She's plenty aware of Puck's very real feelings for her. Feelings that she returned once upon a time.

"Whatever," he snaps after a moment. She almost jumps at the anger in his voice. _Almost_. She doesn't react. She tells herself he has every right to be mad, to be upset. He has every right to be hurt. "Hope you two are very happy," he mumbles before unlocking the door. He doesn't spare her a single glance as he leaves.

She sighs, watching his retreating figure until he's completely out of her sight. It's only then that she lets her tears fall.

* * *

**author's note: **hiya! not a lot of emily/quinn in this chapter, but they'll be together in the next chapter. i'm not being critical of myself by saying this, i don't think, but i honestly didn't mean for quinn and puck's scene to turn out like that. yes, i'd planned for her to tell him in that way, but i wanted it to be longer... didn't turn out that way, however, but i think it's fitting enough to post, so...

anyway, thanks for the reviews. i'll try to update as soon as possible. :)

- kara.


	9. Chapter 9

_Knock. Knock. Knock. _No answer.

She knocks again. Still no answer.

She can't say she's surprised - if she were Sadie, she wouldn't answer, either, not after being stood up with no explanation.

She thinks she should just give up, come back later, but it's like her feet are glued to the ground. She can't leave; she doesn't want to leave, not until she fixes this. Not until she apologizes. She hadn't meant to stand Sadie up, she really hadn't, but after her talk with Puck, she kind of... forgot.

It wasn't until a couple hours after she arrived at the Jones' that she realized she'd made plans to meet with her girlfriend at Breadstix after leaving the school. She feels terrible, absolutely awful. She tried calling first, but there had been no answer - not the first time, nor the five times after that. She knows it's almost nine, but she doesn't care because after that sixth call and there being no answer again, she couldn't just let it go. She _can't _let it go. Her relationship with Sadie is one of the only good things in her life right now and she won't allow herself to screw it up.

Even if it seems as though that's exactly what she's doing.

"Hey, Princess."

The familiar voice snaps her out of her thoughts and she looks up to find herself facing her girlfriend. Her expression is flat, emotionless. Just like her tone. However, Quinn's not fooled. There's so much hurt and disappointment in Sadie's eyes.

She's not even mad... just hurt, and that makes Quinn feel so much worse.

"I'm sorry," she blurts, though she knows it must sound stupid and that it simply won't be enough. "I know that's not good enough, not even a little, but I mean it and I just... would you please let me explain?"

Sadie steps out onto the porch and shuts the door behind her, but doesn't say anything. That's good enough for Quinn.

"I'm not going to say that I know how you're feeling because I don't," she says, searching for the right thing to say, yet not sure there _is _a right thing to say. "I've never been stood up before, but I do know it must feel awful. Trust me, though, standing you up was _not _my intention," she continues. "I can only imagine what you're thinking right now. You're probably thinking I stood you up because I thought something was more important, or someone was more important, and trust me, though I have never been stood up, I do know how _that _feels. I know what it feels like to have someone you care for very much treat someone else the way they should be treating you."

Sadie still hasn't said anything, but at least she's looking at Quinn now; that's a start. "After Finn joined Glee, he was more... distant and he acted funny a lot, and I could see that he was falling for Rachel. I joined the club to hold onto him and it worked, but the whole time we were together, I knew that if I said the words, he'd run right into Rachel's arms. I knew he'd never leave me on his own 'cause he was just too... loyal and because I knew that, I used it against him to make him stay."

She'd been so desperate to hold onto him, because at the time, he'd been a constant. The one person in her life that was always there, but she screwed it up because that's what she does. Not this time, though. She refuses to screw up this time.

"So, if that's what you're thinking... if you think I stood you up because of someone else, I need you to know that's not true. I would never, _ever_ do that." The words are true, so true that she's almost surprised by how much she means them. "And I would never do that because I don't want lose you," she continues when Sadie still hasn't said anything; she shifts nervously from one foot to the other, afraid that maybe she's really messed it up. Sadie's silence terrifies her. "I think I could..." She pauses, not sure if she should say what she so desperately wants to say; not sure if maybe it's too soon to put herself out there. There's still so much Quinn doesn't know about Sadie and so much that Sadie doesn't know about her, but despite that, Quinn hasn't been this happy in _so very long_ and her girlfriend is one of the most important people in her life right now.

When Sadie's around, she feels a little less lost and a little less alone. She's not ready to lose that. She's not sure she ever will be, nor does she want to.

"I _know _I could fall in love with you," she says after releasing the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, "so I really hope you can forgive me."

Sadie meets her gaze then and after a moment, she says, "'I'm sorry' was good enough." Quinn almost laughs at the wave of relief that washes over her. "Why don't you come inside? I promise my mom won't notice if you come up to my room for a bit."

At the mention of Sadie's bedroom, Quinn swears her heart leaps into her throat.

"I, uh, okay," she says, taking the hand her girlfriend offers her and allowing herself to be practically dragged inside.

They tip-toe, hand-in-hand, up the stairs so as to not wake Mrs. Field. Quinn's unsure why, but she's extremely nervous. It's not like she hasn't been in Sadie's room before because she has, but all those other times, Santana or Mercedes or Rachel, or even all three, were there with them. It's never been just the two of them alone in a bedroom, not even in Quinn's room.

"I could fall in love with you, too, y'know?" is the first Sadie says when they lay beside each other on Sadie's bed.

Quinn can't help it, she smiles and laces her fingers through Sadie's.

"You mean that?" she asks, more vulnerably than she intends.

They lock eyes. "More than you know," is Sadie's response.

"Trust me, I know," Quinn says and she means it.

They share a kiss and then a few more, not paying attention to the time and not caring that Mrs. Field is asleep across the hall, and eventually, both girls fall asleep, their fingers still laced together.

X

When Quinn awakes, she's a little freaked to feel someone's arms around her, but after blinking a few times, she remembers where she is and isn't so freaked anymore. She smiles; she likes the way it feels, having Sadie hold her like this, so close. It feels right. Sadie feels right.

It's not until she looks at the alarm clock on Sadie's bedside table that her smile quickly fades. It's two a.m. and she's not home; she's in bed, with her girlfriend, a little far away from home. Well, not home home because she still has a hard time thinking of the Jones' house as her home, but it's still the place where she eats and sleeps and she's sure Mercedes' mom or dad or even Mercedes has noticed that Quinn still isn't home.

She inwardly groans because she doesn't want to leave, but she knows she has to. As carefully as she possibly can, she manages to maneuver herself out of her girlfriend's grip and rolls off the bed, wincing when her back hits the floor.

She scrambles to her feet quickly, hoping that her fall didn't wake Sadie. One look at the brunette is enough assurance that it didn't and she smiles at how peaceful Sadie looks when sleeping. Beautiful, too, but she always looks beautiful. Anyone who doesn't see that is obviously blind and hasn't spent enough time with her to realize that not only is she beautiful outside, but inside, too.

Sadie deserves the best. A lot more than Quinn can give her, but she is so thankful that Sadie is taking a chance on her. A chance on them.

"I wish I could tell you about her," she whispers, leaning over so she can place a gentle kiss atop her girlfriend's forehead. "Someday, I promise," she adds after pulling away and tiptoeing out the door.

* * *

Emily purposely doesn't stir as she feels soft lips against her forehead and she tries her best not to smile.

She hears Quinn say, "I wish I could tell you about her," and she hides her confusion until after she's sure the blonde is gone.

It's only when she's sure her girlfriend has left that she opens her eyes and sits up, the only thought running through her mind being, _tell me about who?_

_

* * *

_"Okay, spill."

Quinn groans. She's so not in the mood to deal with Santana right now.

"Spill what?" she asks, failing at her attempt to be nonchalant. She knows why Santana is sitting beside her right now; hell, she's surprised that the minute she entered the choir room, none of the other glee kids hounded her to 'spill.'

Sadie has been acting weird all day, and it shows. She hasn't been avoiding Quinn, per say, but when she talks to Quinn, it's like she's not even really talking to her and she hasn't made eye contact with the blonde since they showed up to school in the morning.

During her first few classes of the day, Quinn had been convinced she'd done something she wasn't aware of, but around lunchtime, it became very clear to her why Sadie is acting so strange. Obviously, last night, she hadn't been as quiet as she'd wanted to be. And Sadie had heard her little comment about wanting to tell her about _her_.

She's at a loss at how to explain that one away when Sadie stops acting all weird and starts asking questions.

"Don't play dumb with me, Q."

"I'm not playing dumb, San."

Santana rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Look, your girl has been walking on eggshells around you all day and I want to know why."

"Hasn't anyone ever taught you how to mind your own business?" she asks snidely, sending a halfhearted glare her friend's way.

"Actually, no," Santana says, "so _spill_."

"She's mad because I stood her up last night." It's only a half-lie, so she doesn't feel too guilty for not being completely honest. Besides, like she said, it's not any of Santana's business. Not that that's ever mattered to Santana.

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not," Quinn argues, though she sees no point. She rarely wins in an argument against Santana.

"Seriously, Q, do I _look _stupid?"

The question's clearly rhetorical, so Quinn doesn't answer.

"I may have slipped up about something I've been hiding," she eventually whispers, a small part of her hoping that Mr. Schue or Sadie will walk through the door at any moment and save her from having to continue this conversation.

No such luck.

"So, this has to do with when I could get away with calling you Preggers."

Once again, the Latina's words are not a question; Quinn doesn't say anything.

"You do know you're gonna have to come clean, right?"

Quinn just glares, choosing to still not say anything.

"Secrets hurt, Q," Santana whispers. "Big time," she adds before moving to sit beside Sam. Quinn has no idea what's going on between the two, but they've been hanging around each other a lot more than usual recently.

Quinn thinks Santana is just using Sam as a way to get back at Brittany. Or to forget Brittany. Probably both.

She makes a mental note to warn Sam; one Cheerio has already hurt him, she can't let another one do the same.

She doesn't have time to reflect on her thoughts much longer, however, because right after making that mental note, Mr. Schue enters the room, followed by Sadie. The former takes his usual spot at the front of the classroom and the latter takes her seat beside Quinn, instantly grabbing the blonde's hand and placing their now joined hands in her lap.

Eyes wide, Quinn looks at Sadie and whispers, "What are you doing?" just as Mr. Schue starts speaking.

It's not that she minds holding hands with her girlfriend, because she doesn't. It's just that she's used to doing so _outside _of school. Yes, Mercedes knows now, but the rest of the club, excluding the four others who know, is completely clueless.

She supposes they don't really have to say it; everyone can assume whatever they want to assume. Maybe letting them figure it out on their own will be easier.

"Holding your hand," Sadie says, stating the obvious. When she looks at Quinn, once again it feels as though she's not really looking at her. More like she's looking past her. Or through her. The idea of the latter being true scares her more than the idea of the former being true.

She merely smiles, however, and pretends that she doesn't notice that something is terribly wrong.

X

"It's just not badass, Mr. Schue."

"And neither are you."

"You're one to talk."

"You're just mad 'cause San refuses to give you some."

"All right, Quinn, Puck, Santana, that'll be enough," Mr. Schue interrupts, trying to regain control over the conversation. "I don't particularly care that the song isn't 'badass' enough for you, Puck. It's a terrific song and if you want to win Regionals, you'll at least give it a chance."

"Whatever," Puck mutters, rolling his eyes.

"Great," Mr. Schue starts enthusiastically, "then it's settled. The one thing we haven't discussed as of yet is the group performance. If I don't receive ideas by this coming Friday, I'll choose the group number myself."

"Gotcha. Now can we go?" Mercedes asks impatiently.

"No, you may not," Mr. Schue says. "You guys always rush out of here like someone just yelled 'fire'. I'd like you to stay a little longer and discuss next week's duets assignment. Sadie, you're not required to stay. It may get a little boring, so if you want to leave, you can. Everyone else, get to work."

Mr. Schuester exits the room after leaving Rachel in charge. Surprisingly, the others have started listening to her recently, so it's safe to leave the club in her hands.

"All right, everyone needs to get with their partners," Rachel says after taking the seat to the left of Quinn. The two girls were paired up for next week's assignment. Quinn thinks it should be interesting, singing a duet with Rachel, though she also feels a little nervous because her range is nowhere near Rachel's.

The glee kids do as Rachel says and get with their partners and it doesn't take long for the room to be filled with chit-chat that probably has nothing to do with the duets.

"Will you be staying to add your input?" Rachel asks Sadie.

Sadie shakes her head. "I don't think so. I've got homework, so I really have to go home."

"That's understandable," Rachel replies. "Schoolwork is very important."

Quinn can see her girlfriend attempting to hide her amusement from the petite brunette. "Yes, it is," she says before turning to look at Quinn. Again, she doesn't make direct eye contact. It's starting to bother the blonde even more now, and she's starting to wonder if maybe Sadie somehow guessed what she's keeping from her. It's not completely impossible that's the case. "Meet me at the park at five? I need to talk to you and I think the park is the perfect place."

She hopes Sadie can't see how nervous the words 'I need to talk to you' make her. At least she didn't say '_we_ need to talk'.

"Sure, I'll be there," Quinn says and she makes sure to look directly at Sadie when she says it. She's not going to stand her up. Not again.

"See you then, Princess," Sadie says, not even bothering to check and see if anyone's looking before giving the blonde a quick kiss. "Bye, Rachel," she adds before standing up and making her way out of the choir room.

Quinn stares after her, too baffled by her girlfriend's back and forth behavior to even hear Rachel speaking to her.

"_Quinn._"

That time Quinn does hear her, but only because the girl practically shouts in her ear.

"Sorry," she apologizes, though she's not really sorry. She doesn't want to be here right now. She wants to go crawl under a rock so she won't have to talk to her girlfriend because she doesn't think this talk is going to be all that great. And she doesn't believe it will end well.

"If you wish to talk about whatever is bothering you, we can go over ideas for our duet another day."

Quinn shakes her head; she needs a distraction. Badly.

"I think mainstream is a good place to start."

Rachel looks unsure for a moment, but then she nods.

"Let's begin, shall we?"

* * *

Emily's pacing. She's not a pacer, not normally, but she's going crazy. Quinn should arrive at the park in a few minutes and she has no idea what she's going to say to her. She's been acting weird all day and she knows Quinn notices it. She's going to have to explain herself, she knows that, but she doesn't know where to start. She doesn't want to just outright ask her girlfriend who the hell she was referring to last night, but the curiosity and the _need to know _is eating away at her.

She knows Quinn wasn't referring to an ex-girlfriend or anything, because she's clearly never been in a relationship with a girl before. They've already had the talk about past relationships and neither of the girls have lied. They may be keeping secrets, but she does trust Quinn.

"You wanted to talk?"

She's startled out of her thoughts when she hears her girlfriend's voice from directly behind her. She whirls around so that she's facing her.

"How was practice?" she asks instead of asking what she wants.

"That's not what you want to ask," Quinn states pointedly. "You've been acting strange all day... have I done something?"

Emily shakes her head, because no, she hasn't done anything wrong; not necessarily. "Of course not," she assures her. "It's just..." Pause. "Maybe we should sit."

"Okay..." Quinn says unsurely, taking Emily by the hand and leading her over to one of the picnic tables. They sit across from one another. "What's this all about? You're starting to freak me out."

For the first time since the previous night, Emily meets Quinn's gaze. "Something you said last night has been bugging me and I just... what did you mean when you said that you wished you could tell me about her? I know you think I didn't hear you, but I did."

"I was afraid of that," Quinn whispers. Emily hates the look on the girl's face. It's so pained, like she's remembering something that she doesn't want to remember. "Could you maybe forget that I said it?" she asks hopefully.

Emily wants to say yes because she doesn't want to disappoint Quinn. She can't let herself say yes, however, because she can't take this any longer. Her curiosity needs to be satisfied because she's tired of all the unanswered questions.

Even if that does make her a hypocrite.

"No, I can't. Who were you talking about, Quinn?"

"It's not important."

"Judging from the fact that you had to practically choke out those words, I think it is," Emily says. "You can tell me, y'know? I wish you would open up to me, just this once."

"That goes both ways," Quinn retorts.

She hates how guilty that comment makes her feel. "We're not talking about me. We're talking about you."

"That's not fair and you know it." She's closing herself off; Emily can see it, and she can feel it.

"Why can't you just tell me who she is? Why is it such a big deal?"

"Because it is, okay?" Quinn snaps. "And besides, it's none of your business."

"_Don't_," Emily snaps. "Don't you do that. You're trying to push me away by acting like a bitch and it's not going to work because I know you. You're not the Quinn you were when I met you."

Quinn glares, but it's halfhearted. She's mad, but not at Emily.

"You don't know me, not really," Quinn says after standing up. Emily stays seated, afraid that if she stands up this will all end very badly. "I'm keeping things from you, big things, and like San said, secrets hurt, but telling you these secrets would hurt worse."

"I don't need you to protect me." _Hypocrite. _She tries telling herself it's not the same, but she knows it is. "Stop running from whatever you're hiding and tell me about it so I can help because every single day, I can see that whatever secret you're keeping, it's killing you."

"I'm not the only one who's running," is her girlfriend's reply. "So, why don't _you _stop running? Tell me what you're running from."

"I'm not running." _Liar_.

She wishes she could murder that stupid voice inside her head.

"You can't expect me to be honest with you if you aren't willing to do the same with me," Quinn says, her tone softer than before. She's not yelling anymore, for which Emily is thankful; she doesn't want this to turn into some big argument, though part of her feels like maybe it's too late for that.

"I asked you first," is her lame response.

Quinn laughs wryly and shakes her head. "This isn't kindergarten." She sighs, reclaiming her seat across from Sadie. She reaches across the table and takes Emily by the hand. "Just... let it go, please, and I'll do the same. We can pretend this whole conversation never happened. We can pretend you didn't hear me."

She sounds so desperate and it breaks Emily's heart, but as much as she wants to, she can't let this go. She knows Quinn can't, either, no matter how good she is at pretending. Emily knows better than anyone that, after a while, pretending grows tiring and less easy.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Quinn shakes her head. She looks regretful. "And I'm not going to tell you," she says with a sigh. "I'm not keeping things from you because I want to, Quinn," she continues after a moment, hoping that if she explains, maybe Quinn will understand. Maybe they'll be okay. "There are certain things about Rosewood that you wouldn't understand. A lot of people have been hurt and I don't want you to end up on that list. I won't risk it."

"Way to be cryptic and dramatic," Quinn mutters, but she doesn't let go of Emily's hand. Emily hopes that's a good sign. "I don't want to be keeping secrets from you, either," she continues. Emily chooses to believe her because the look on her face makes it really hard to believe she's lying. "There are a few things I have to deal with before I can talk about... her. I need to make peace with myself and reconcile with people that I haven't been all that great towards recently because being around hi-them reminds me too much of what I'm trying to forget."

Emily's not stupid; she knows Quinn is referring to Puck. Maybe she's referring to someone else, too, but Puck is a part of it. A big part.

She doesn't want to say what she's thinking, but she knows they can't continue like this. They can't be together until there are no more secrets, until they're completely ready to start opening up about the things they've been hiding. Emily's not ready, no matter how much she wishes she was, and Quinn obviously isn't, either, so...

"Where do we go from here?" she asks.

She knows the answer. She just doesn't want to be the one to say it, though hearing it won't be much better.

Quinn swallows and for the first time, Emily notices the tears in her girlfriend's eyes and feels her own tears fighting to fall.

"I-I think we need to take a break."

She doesn't say anything; she doesn't think she can. It feels like her heart is stuck in her throat.

After taking a deep breath, she nods and manages to choke out, "I think you're right."

* * *

**author's note: **to _your kat_, no, your use of the term 'self-deprecating' didn't upset me at all. honest. i was mostly agreeing with you because i know it's true. i've always been that way, and trust me, you are not the first to point it out, so don't feel bad. it's no big deal. :) and thank you, that's very sweet of you.

okay, on to my actual note, uhm... i don't even know how i feel about this. it feels... rushed to me, i guess, but i can't think of a way to fix it, so i'm just going to post it despite how i feel about it. i hope you guys at least enjoy it a little - if not, that's completely fine.

i know the end is kind of a 'mean' place to leave it, but that's the only part i actually do like. i'm not sure how many chapters are left, but i can assure you it's very few. i'm thinking of maybe adding in a parent or two in the next chapter, but i'm not sure, so... anyway, thank you for all the lovely reviews. :)


	10. Chapter 10

The last two days of school this week are terrible and go much too slow for Quinn's liking. She hasn't been sleeping much since Wednesday night, ever since she suggested that she and Sadie take a break. She knows she's doing the right thing, she really does, but that doesn't change how much it hurts.

It was weird, having to explain on Thursday why Sadie didn't show up to the choir room. The club has gotten so used to having her there; _Quinn _has gotten so used to having her there, and explaining the reasoning for her no longer being there had been uncomfortable because she knows it's mostly her fault.

Still, them being apart _is _what's right. It may not be what's easy, but Quinn has to deal with what she's running from. With _who _she's running from.

She promises herself that she will, after glee rehearsal. It's lunchtime right now, though, and she's trying hard to focus on whatever Santana and Brittany are saying rather than the brunette sitting diagonally from her.

Just because she's not sitting in on glee meetings anymore doesn't mean that Sadie stopped sitting at the table. Quinn doesn't think she should have to because the glee kids are her friends now, too, and it wouldn't be right of her to ask Sadie to leave the table because it makes her uncomfortable having her there.

"What're you thinking about, _Quinnie?_"

The use of her mother's nickname for her drags her out of her own little world. She glares at Santana and says, "Don't call me that, San."

"Don't be so mean to S, Quinn," Brittany says in her usual innocent Brittany tone.

"Sorry, B," she apologizes because she can't stand it when Brittany pouts. It makes her feel extremely guilty, even when she's done absolutely nothing wrong. "I was just thinking."

"'Bout what, Q?"

"... Stuff," she answers eventually. She doesn't want to lie, so she hopes 'stuff' is good enough for Brittany.

Thankfully, it is, but not for Santana, unfortunately.

"This 'stuff' has three names." It's not a question. Nothing Santana says regarding Quinn's personal life is ever a question.

"Stop acting like you know everything," Quinn snaps.

"Psst. I am the all-knowing, Quinnie."

"I do not want to talk about this with you," Quinn mutters, choosing to ignore that Santana called her 'Quinnie' again.

"Come on, Q. Let this Latina be your Yoda."

Quinn raises her eyebrows. "Yoda? _Really_?"

"Shut it," Santana spits out. "You're scarring my feel goods, Q. Spill, or do you just not trust me?"

"Don't be so dramatic," Quinn says with a roll of her eyes. "Look, I want to tell you, okay? Just not here."

"Where, then? 'Cause I'm seriously dying of curiosity here."

Quinn resists the urge to once again roll her eyes. "The auditorium. I'm sure we can convince Mr. Schue or someone to let us go there now."

"Then what are you waiting for? Move your ass."

Quinn scoffs as she and Santana stand up after explaining to Brittany that they're going to talk in the auditorium. Santana's not as irritable as usual, for which Quinn is grateful, and she know it's because of Brittany. Though Britt is still with Artie, she's at least started hanging around Santana a lot more lately and that's a start, Quinn thinks.

After asking Mr. Schue for permission to go to the auditorium for the remainder of lunch, and receiving said permission, Santana and Quinn leave the cafeteria and head for the auditorium. They're quiet during the short walk, but once they're inside and seated on the edge of the stage, Santana starts talking.

"What's with the 'woe is me' attitude, Q?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. She knows she's acting childish, but she doesn't particularly care. She's in an awful mood. With her lack of sleep and all her thoughts revolving around how she always manages to screw up the good things in her life, that's to be expected.

"Look, I'm no expert on relationships and love or whatever, but I'm sure if you're missing someone, you're supposed to tell 'em."

She wants to say she doesn't miss Sadie, that their 'break' doesn't bother her, but merely thinking of saying something even remotely close to that makes her feel horrible.

"If it isn't the pot calling the kettle black," Quinn remarks snidely. She immediately feels guilty after, but tries not to let it show.

Santana glares at her. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" she snaps.

"It means that you're always off screwing guys that don't matter to you when you should be telling Brittany that you want her back," she says, and she feels even more guilty, but she doesn't care because she's desperate to take the focus off her. Even if only for a few minutes.

"That's stupid," Santana scoffs. "Because I never even had her to begin with. So, shut it. And it's not like I even care that she's off fucking some guy who can't even use his legs."

"Hey!" Quinn exclaims, quick to defend Artie. "That was out of line and you know it, San."

"Right, whatever," Santana mutters, but Quinn can see that the brunette feels guilty for what she just said. She's not completely heartless, contrary to popular belief. Santana's spent a lot of her life building a wall between herself and the rest of the world and the way she sees fit to keep that wall up is if she's a bitch. Because she knows that if she's a bitch, no one's likely to want to be her friend. And if no one wants to be her friend, she doesn't have to worry about letting someone in only to have them stab her in the back.

Quinn knows this because, a lot of the time, she does the same, but she never quite takes it to the level Santana does.

"I guess I do miss her," Santana admits, "but tell anyone, and I'm gonna have to end you."

Quinn attempts to glare, but ends up grinning. "So, do something about it."

"Only if you stop running and face your issues so you can stop being all mopey dopey," Santana says. Quinn knows she's not kidding. She won't tell Brittany she misses her unless Quinn stops running and faces her problems head on.

"Okay, I'll stop," she promises. She thinks she means it. "I'll talk to Puck, I swear. Today."

"I got your back if you need me," Santana says sincerely.

Quinn knows she's not lying; Santana doesn't say that to just anyone.

"Thanks, San."

"Yeah, whatever."

They both laugh.

* * *

"Sadie, I'd like to speak with you, if you don't mind."

Emily looks up, dropping her plastic spoon onto her tray by accident. She's been in her own little world the entire lunch period. It doesn't help that she's overly curious as to what Santana and Quinn are talking about in the auditorium. She thinks she knows, and she's not sure how she feels knowing that she's being talked about.

She hasn't said much during lunch, either. Partly because of her own volition and partly because no one's said anything to her until now. They all know about her and Quinn's 'break', of course; she can see it every time she looks at them and vice versa. She's assuming Quinn told them, or maybe they just guessed it because she normally sits in on Glee meetings. She hasn't missed one since the first day she attended McKinley High School, so, of course, they know something's off.

"Uhm, okay, sure," she says after a moment, trying to focus all of her attention on Rachel and not on her thoughts.

"Not here," Rachel says. "Would you care if we moved to an unoccupied table, such as the one a few tables down?"

Emily shakes her head. "Of course not," she says. She'll take any excuse to get away from this table. Puck keeps glancing at her and it's making her uncomfortable because she hasn't spoken to him once since Quinn told him about the two of them.

"Fantastic!" Rachel whisper-shouts as both girls stand up with their trays in hand. It takes only a few seconds for them to be seated across from one another at the table Rachel pointed out.

"So, what's up?" she asks after a few seconds of neither of them saying anything.

"I don't mean to stick my nose in something that is certainly none of my business, and though I'm sure you do not want to speak of Quinn, I'd very much like to give you some advice."

It takes a second for Emily to process all of that, but once she does, she simply says, "Shoot." She may not want to talk about Quinn, but she's in no place to be turning down advice. Besides, Rachel knows Quinn, a lot better than Emily does and maybe the brunette can help her find a way to fix this. Or at least give her some idea of how to fix this.

Even though she knows the only way to truly fix this is to stop running and come clean.

"Last school year was a very tough year for Quinn," Rachel explains, "and this year, she's spent a lot of her time attempting to rebuild the reputation she lost. She presents herself as a snob, as someone who could care less about others, but that's far from who she really is, as I'm sure you're already aware. With that said, you need to know that you met her when she was running from so much more than what she was running from previously, and I'm assuming the two of you taking a break has something to do with her still running."

"Something like that," Emily says, not wanting to admit that she's running, too.

"She plans on speaking with Puck tonight," Rachel says. The words surprise Emily a little. Okay, a lot, actually. "About what, I can't say because I've hurt her with my somewhat big mouth before, but I can say that everything will be much better after she has a very much needed conversation with Noah."

"Something big happened between them, huh?" Emily asks, though she already knows the answer.

Rachel nods. "You've no idea."

* * *

Awkward. That's truly the only word Quinn can use to describe how the club meeting went today. She spent the entire meeting half-listening to whatever Mr. Schue was ranting about and attempting to coax Puck into looking at her at least once. This was awkward because at one point, while he was practicing 'Dirty Diana', she jumped up and started dancing around him, but he didn't spare her a single glance. Not one.

She supposes she doesn't really deserve his attention, but she's not exactly used to having to _vie _for it. It's usually the other way around.

Currently, she's standing outside the boy's bathroom. That's where he went after Mr. Schue announced they could all leave. She feels like a stalker, following him through the halls and whatnot, but she _has _to talk to him before she convinces herself otherwise. It's not going to be easy for her, she knows that, but life isn't easy and she feels ridiculous for ever having tried to convince herself that it could be.

"Puck," she says, stopping him just as he exits the bathroom.

He stops dead in his tracks and turns to look at her, a mixture of emotions playing on his face as he does so. There's confusion, anger, curiosity, and a few other emotions she can't identity. More like, she doesn't want to identify. She knows she's hurt him. She hopes she can fix it before it's too late. If it's not already too late.

"What are you trying to prove, Fabray?" he snaps.

Now, it's her turn to be confused. "Huh?"

"Leave me the hell alone, okay?"

She sighs, grabbing his arm just as he turns to leave. "Please, just listen to me."

He yanks his arm out of her grasp, but, instead of leaving, turns to look at her again.

"Well, guess the shoe's on the other foot now, huh?"

"Stop doing that." She's not as mad as she sounds. She's merely frustrated. She wants him to listen.

Which is probably why he's right. The shoe_ is _on the other foot.

"I know what I did was a pretty bitchy thing for me to do," she starts, while thinking, _that's the understatement of the century_, "and I'm sorry. It's just that I knew if I told you about me and Sadie, you wouldn't push me to talk about Be-her." She almost spoke her name, almost, but it's still too hard.

She thinks _Be-her_ is a start, though.

"I know that wasn't fair. It's _not _fair. I'm just asking for you to understand so we can talk because I want to now. I'm ready to listen." Not completely ready, but maybe she never will be. Maybe she doesn't have to be. "I don't want to avoid you anymore."

His facial expression softens; he doesn't smile, but he rarely smiles, so it's not such a big deal.

"We can talk," he says after a moment.

She smiles. Not because the words make her happy, but because she's relieved. And that's a good feeling.

"Not here, though," he adds. "The park?"

She hesitates; she hasn't been to the park since the last time she went with Sadie. She doesn't think of it as their place, not really, because it's just a park, but she doesn't want to feel any weirder than she already does. She doesn't want this to be any harder.

Then again, she thinks maybe this will be hard no matter where she is, so it probably won't make a difference.

"Only if you drive," is her reply.

Puck surprises her by chuckling softly. "Yeah, okay," he says before turning and heading towards the exit. She follows.

* * *

"Want some coffee?" Mrs. Fields asks as Emily enters the kitchen. She's been home since about three-thirty, but she's been avoiding her mother for the past couple of days, so she decided to stay upstairs when she realized her mother didn't have to work.

However, she can't stay upstairs forever, so, she may as well quit avoiding her. It's just that she really doesn't feel like explaining _why _she isn't with Quinn anymore. Okay, so, technically, they haven't broken up, they're just taking a 'break', but she doesn't think there's much of a difference.

"No, thanks," she says, grabbing a bagel off the saucer on the counter by the sink.

"Aria called earlier."

"She did?" Emily asks after taking a seat on one of the stools at the island counter. "When?"

"About three," her mom answers, also seating herself on a stool.

"I don't understand why she didn't just try my cell," Emily mutters, more to herself than her mother.

"That's the thing, Emily..." Her mom pauses and takes a sip of her coffee, as if trying to think through what she's about to say.

"What's the thing?" Emily asks. Her heart's beating a little faster. She doesn't know how, but she knows she won't like what her mom is about to say.

"Whoever 'A' is has apparently texted the girls saying that he or she is getting 'warmer'. They think that may mean 'A' knows they've been calling you and they're afraid if they call you now, he or she will be able to track you down."

Emily sighs. "Is it all right if I use the home phone to call her back?"

"Absolutely, sweetheart," Mrs. Fields says. "Before you do, though, I wanted to talk to you."

Emily saw that coming. "About Quinn, right?"

Mrs. Fields nods. "Yes, about Quinn. You haven't been yourself the past couple of days and I was wondering if that had anything to do with her."

"I haven't been myself since we moved here, mom." She doesn't mean to snap, but she's so _frustrated_. 'A' could have found her, if not for Aria. "My name isn't Sadie Field. My name is Emily Fields, but no one can know that. I know it's my fault, but..."

"It isn't your fault," Mrs. Fields interrupts. "Someone is playing a very cruel game with you girls, and despite what you four may believe, that is not something you deserve because of the secrets you've kept."

Her mom knows some of the secrets. Mostly Emily's. She doesn't know about Aria and Mr. Fitz, which is for the best, nor does she know about the financial problems Hanna and her mother are experiencing. The stolen money is part of that. Emily doesn't think those secrets are something her mother could simply turn away from and forget.

"The secrets I'm keeping are the reason Quinn and I are taking a break," she says. "Secrets are like poison, mom. They destroy."

"I'm sure you and Quinn will work it out," Mrs. Fields says.

She wishes that were true. "I can't fix this, because I can't tell her the truth."

"You can," is her mom's response. "You should. This person that is torturing you and your friends will not find you because your friends are looking out for you. You do not have to protect Quinn from this twisted person." Emily doesn't say anything; she doesn't have anything_ to_ say. "I get the feeling that's not even the reason you haven't told her who you are."

"It is." She doesn't know why she sounds so defensive when she says that. Then again, she thinks maybe it's because part of her knows that her mom is right.

"No, it's not," Mrs. Fields counters. "You're terrified of what she'll think of you. These secrets do not make you a bad person, Emily, and I've... I've seen the way that girl looks at you. She seems to care about you very much. Your past will not change her opinion of you, I'm sure of that."

That means a lot to her coming from her mother. She knows how hard it's been for her to accept that her daughter is gay. She doesn't think her mother will ever truly understand it, but she knows she doesn't really need to; a person's sexuality is not something that can be understood. It simply is.

"I'm scared," she admits. "This will change everything."

"Life is full of changes, sweetheart," Mrs. Fields says, placing her hand on top of her daughter's. "Embrace the changes, don't run from them."

* * *

"You wanted to talk, so talk," is the first thing Puck says to Quinn when they arrive at the park.

She plops down beside him on the grass. It's a little damp, but she doesn't mind it. It feels good outside - not too hot, not too cold.

She smooths out invisible wrinkles on her jeans, attempting to buy herself some time. She doesn't know where to start, not really. There's so much she has to say to him and she doesn't know how to phrase any of it.

"I was with Finn," she starts, not sure where she's headed with this, but not really caring because it's a start. She can feel Puck's eyes on her, but she doesn't look at him. "I went to a party and got drunk with you because I felt fat. We had unprotected sex and I got pregnant, and then I lied about who the father was."

"I know this already," Puck says, confusion obvious in his tone.

"Just let me finish," she says, annoyed. "I lied about who the father was. I made up some ridiculous story and Finn believed me. I decided you were a Lima Loser and you wanted to prove me wrong, and eventually, you told Mercedes you were the father. Then the rest of the club was told. Not long after my father kicked me out of my own home, the truth got to Rachel and she told Finn. I decided then that I wanted to have the baby alone. I didn't want any help."

"I still fought," Puck says. "I didn't believe you."

She flashes him a pointed look then. "_Then_," she emphasizes, hoping that's enough to let him know she doesn't want him to say anything more; not yet, "we started to date, but we broke up because I wouldn't have sex with you. I'd given up all hope on you, pretty much, but then we did those Lady Gaga and Kiss songs and you sang..."

She pauses, not ready to say it. Not yet. Soon, she thinks.

"'Beth'," he finishes for her. "I sang 'Beth' because I wanted us to name her. I wanted her to have something from us."

"Then came Regionals, and I gave birth to a very beautiful baby girl." She can feel tears in her eyes now; the memory is clear as day in her mind. Those tiny feet and tiny hands and those beautiful eyes. "Our very beautiful baby girl. Then, Shelby came along and we gave her up. We let her go."

"I was pissed," Puck blurts. For the first time, she meets his gaze. "At myself, mostly, for not fighting harder to convince you to keep her." The words make her feel slightly guilty, even though she knows that's not his intention. "I stayed pissed for a real long time. I punched walls. I couldn't even look myself in the mirror because I knew I was like my dad."

She interrupts him then. "You're not like you're dad. You're not."

"Thanks," he says, "but I know that now. I didn't then. I forgave myself. I didn't give her up for me. I gave her up for her, so she could have a better life than I could ever dream of having. You did the same, so it's about damn time you forgive yourself, too."

She looks away from him; focuses her gaze on her feet and picks at the grass. She thinks over what Puck just said; everything about how he was mad and how he punched walls and hated himself. That whole time, she should have been there. She should have been helping herself and him, but she hadn't. What she'd done instead was put up those walls that had been up before she'd been pregnant. She became a bitch again; she avoided him, for the most part, and she never dealt with what they'd done.

She had cried herself to sleep for the first couple weeks, but the tears stopped eventually because she knew they wouldn't change anything. She could either deal with it or run from it, and she did what she does best and ran from it.

She's sick of running. She's sick of hating herself for what she did.

"She'll understand, won't she? Be-" She sighs, frustrated. She needs to say it. She has to. She takes a deep breath and after exhaling, she starts again. "Beth will..." She doesn't finish her question, doesn't think she has to.

She did it; she said her name.

"Beth will understand," Puck assures her, a small, crooked smile playing on his lips. "Forgive yourself."

She can't help but return his small smile. "I will," she whispers. "I do," she corrects herself, louder this time.

She looks at Puck again. "Thank you, Puck. And I'm really sorry, for everything."

He nudges her and she leans into him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her as she rests her head on his shoulder. It feels nice, comfortable. She's missed him.

"Did you mean what you said that day, Quinn? Even a little bit?"

She doesn't have to ask what he's referring to. "I did," she assures him. "I still do. I'm just not in love with you, but I'll always love you."

"I'm still in love with you," Puck admits. She already knew that, but it feels weird, hearing him say it. "It fucking sucks."

"You'll get over me," she promises him. "I'm nothing special."

He chuckles. "Oh, you are so wrong. You're pretty fucking awesome, Q, which is why, if you really care about cool chick, you need to tell her everything."

"Her name is Sadie," Quinn says out of habit, "and I know."

"If you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it a hundred times over, but I really just want you to be happy."

She smiles and leans into him a little more. He wraps his arms tighter around her.

"You're a lot sweeter than anyone gives you credit for," she compliments. It's true. There really are two sides to Puck. The sweet guy and the guy who is sweet deep down, but acts like a jackass and a man slut.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone," he jokes.

She laughs. "My lips are sealed, Puckerman. My lips are sealed."

* * *

**author's note: **i feel like those two are finally getting somewhere. so, puck, and quinn had the talk. short, sweet, kind of mushy... i really wish they'd had some kind of talk on the show. i'll always be convinced that the writers handled it the wrong way.

there's only going to be a few more chapters, probably. i don't have much else to say, so...

thanks again for all the reviews. they're very much appreciated. :)

- kara.


	11. Chapter 11

Emily groans; rolls over in bed. She hears someone at the door, but she doesn't want to move; can't move, actually. Too tired.

"Rude, much?" she mutters as she hears the doorbell again. She rolls onto her other side and glances at her alarm clock; it reads: 9:00 a.m. Nine 'o' clock in the morning? Seriously? Sure, she gets up earlier than this on most days, but it's _Saturday_, for the love of God. And besides, she hasn't been sleeping much the past couple days. Today is supposed to be her day to catch up on that sleep, but judging from the incessant ringing of the doorbell, the lunatic at the door doesn't plan on giving up and leaving anytime soon.

With a heavy, over-dramatic sigh, Emily pushes the covers off her body and swings her legs over the side of her bed, careful not to sit up too fast. After wiping the sleep from her eyes, she stands and makes her way out of her bedroom and towards the stairs.

"Just give me a sec!" she shouts as she starts descending the stairs, rolling her eyes when whoever is at the door doesn't listen and continues to ring the doorbell. "I'm coming, dammit!" she shouts, a little louder this time, and thankfully, once she reaches the bottom of the stairs, the ringing stops.

She makes a mental to ask her mother to have the doorbell removed. She'll probably say Emily's just exaggerating, but Emily knows if her mom were here and not at work, she'd be throwing a fit.

"What do you-" She starts to speak as she opens the door, but cuts herself off when she sees who is standing on her porch. "Quinn." She's surprised. Obviously. It's not like they've been speaking. And even when they were speaking, it's not like her girlfriend(?) ever showed up at her door at nine a.m. on a Saturday. "What are you-"

She doesn't finish; doesn't get much of a chance to finish because Quinn pushes past her and enters her house. She doesn't get mad, doesn't question it; she just shuts the door and follows the blonde.

Quinn doesn't say anything until they're both seated on the couch. On opposite ends, of course.

It's a little awkward, sitting here with her now; especially remembering the countless amounts of time they spent making out on this very couch.

She's not sure why the thought crosses her mind, but she's glad she chose to wear a t-shirt and pajama pants to bed last night.

"Are you going to tell me what you're doing here or...?" She decides to break the silence; it's too unnerving. Too awkward.

The blonde doesn't look at her; she merely shrugs. "I'm not sure yet." Her tone is soft, but serious. "I know it's early," she adds. This time, she looks at Emily. Emily doesn't meet her gaze. "I-_we _need to talk. We need to fix this."

She finally lets herself meet Quinn's gaze. "We can't." That's a lie and she knows it, but she says it, anyway, because her mom's right, she's scared. "You're the one who said we needed a break. You're the one who ended it. It was the right thing to do; we have too many secrets."

Quinn doesn't look like she buys what Emily's saying; Emily doesn't buy it, either.

"Sadie, I'm ready to tell you."

She searches the girl's gaze, looking for any sign that she's not telling the truth, but all she sees is sincerity. Her heart skips a beat; Quinn is ready to open up, after all this time. What changed and what can she do to make herself feel the same way? She's not ready. Or at least, she doesn't think she is.

Then again, maybe she never will be fully ready; maybe she should tell Quinn because it's what's right.

"I'm not ready to tell you mine," Emily admits, and she swears her heart breaks a little when she sees the disappointment on Quinn's face. Because of that, she's quick to add, "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to tell you, because I am." She refrains from sighing with relief when the disappointment on the blonde's face disappears. "Could we maybe have breakfast first, though? Pass some time? It's too early in the morning for serious talk."

She's trying to buy herself time; time for the both of them, actually. She can see that the thought of opening up scares Quinn just as much as it scares her. It is scary, letting someone in, but she realizes now that she's more scared of losing Quinn and if she doesn't let her in, that's exactly what will happen. It almost did happen.

She tries not to think of how it could still happen.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry about that," Quinn apologizes. "Breakfast sounds nice, though. We have all day to talk."

She smiles. "Yeah, we do," she agrees before standing and gesturing for Quinn to follow her.

They have all the time in the world for serious conversation; right now, she just wants to eat.

X

"I can't believe Rachel did that!"

Quinn and Emily laugh as they descend the stairs. A lot of time has passed since Quinn showed up this morning. It's a little after one in the afternoon, and they've yet to have their talk because Rachel invited herself over and the three girls ended up giving each other makeovers in Emily's room.

"It was just a minor food fight," Emily says as she plops down beside Quinn. She's referring to the food fight Rachel started after they decided to eat lunch in the kitchen. She threw sugar at Quinn and when Quinn threw some back at her, Rachel jumped out of the way so that it would hit Emily and not her, which prompted Emily to jump in... and so started the food fight with sugar and sprinkles that Emily retrieved from the snack cabinet.

It was more a sugar and sprinkles fight rather than a food fight. No one got anything in their hair, but their clothes were covered so Rachel decided to leave and Emily gave Quinn a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants to change into.

So far, the day's been fun, but she knows that's about to change because they can't put off their conversation forever. Quinn didn't come here to get a makeover and have a sugar and sprinkle fight; she came here to talk and Emily knows she's not going to leave until she does. Until they both do.

"So..." Quinn's the first to break the silence. "We should talk."

All Emily can do, at first, is nod her head in agreement. "We should," she says after a moment.

"I-I don't really know where to start," Quinn admits. "I guess I can start from the beginning, but it's complicated, kind of."

She wants to say that it can't be as complicated as what she has to explain, but she refrains because she doesn't know that for sure. She doesn't know what Quinn's been hiding. She knows it's big, something that is obviously very hard for Quinn to talk about, and that isn't much different from what she's hiding.

"Go as slow as you want," Emily says, trying to assure Quinn that it's okay to be hesitant. She is, too.

"I... well, it all goes back to when I was with Finn," Quinn starts; she's not looking at Emily, but the brunette doesn't mind. She understands. "I really cared about him, but I was feeling insecure and now that I think about it more, it was ridiculous, but... I went to this party and Puck was there. We started talking. I told him I felt fat and he started handing out compliments, which was something Finn never did and it made me feel good, really good, so I let him take me upstairs..."

She pauses then; Emily wants to tell her she doesn't have to finish. She can guess what Quinn is going to say next; she's not sure it's something she wants to hear about, but she knows she has to; she has to hear about this night if she wants to know what Quinn is hiding.

"I'm not easy," Quinn blurts; this time, she looks directly at Emily. "I'm not. I was captain of the Celibacy Club... I was supposed to know better. I did know better, but I..."

Emily interrupts her. "I believe you, okay?" she assures her. "You're not easy. You weren't then, either. It's okay."

Quinn looks so unsure and scared that all Emily wants to do is take her by the hands and then pull her close. She doesn't, though - she feels like maybe she shouldn't because they're on a break and she doesn't want to scare Quinn away. She doesn't want to scare her out of continuing, either.

"We had a couple of wine coolers. I was trying to loosen up, y'know? I was trying to convince myself that having sex with Puck would be okay, but it wasn't... I shouldn't have cheated on Finn." She pauses; Emily can picture the wheels turning in Quinn's head and she wonders how many times the blonde has beat herself up over this; she wonders how many times she's told herself she's a bad person because of one big mistake she made, and Emily wants to interrupt, tell her to stop thinking whatever it is she's thinking because she's not a bad person. She's human and she made a mistake and it's okay to forgive herself.

She doesn't, though, because she promised she'd listen. So, she'll do that. She'll listen and then she'll talk.

"I stayed with Finn after that night," she continues. "I tried to ignore the part of me that was saying I hadn't slept with Puck because I'd been drunk. I knew, deep down, it was right, because that may have been the first time I had alcohol, but I wasn't drunk... not really. And part of me had wanted Puck... for a lot longer than I was willing to admit. I lied to myself, though, and I continued to lie to Finn, and then..." She pauses; Emily can picture those wheels again.

It's not until Quinn looks away from Emily that she finishes with, "... I found out I was pregnant."

* * *

After Quinn says the words she's been dreading to speak, she waits for Sadie's reaction.

Her girlfriend's(?) just staring at her. She hasn't gasped, her mouth's not hanging open, and she hasn't said anything. Not a single word. Quinn doesn't know how to react to that; she's not sure what it means. She doesn't know what Sadie's thinking and it bothers her; it bothers her that she can't read the brunette better.

It was hard for her to admit all of that, but this is the hardest part, the part she's been dreading.

Sadie's reaction could be good or bad; she doesn't think she can handle bad.

* * *

Emily knows that Quinn wants her to say something, _anything_, but she can't find any words. She doesn't know what to say; she kind of wants Quinn to keep talking so that she can have a few more minutes to process this. To process the fact that Quinn has a kid. Or maybe she doesn't have a kid. Maybe she didn't have it, maybe she gave it up... she should probably ask, but when she opens her mouth, no words come out.

"With Puck's baby," is all she manages to choke out, but it's a start, she thinks.

Quinn looks relieved that she at least said something. "Yeah, with Puck's baby."

Emily doesn't say anything else.

"I... could you please say something?" Quinn asks hesitantly. "Anything is fine. I'd even take being called a slut right now." She laughs after that last part, but it's a nervous laugh, almost.

This time, Emily knows exactly what to say. "You're not a slut." Her tone is firm, leaving no room for argument.

Quinn smiles, but doesn't say anything else for a minute or a two. Then, she asks, "Anything else?"

"Did you...?" Emily doesn't finish her question; she can't bring herself to. She knows Quinn. She's not someone who would abort a child. Ever. Regardless of the circumstances. "Where is..." She doesn't know if it's a boy or a girl, so she opts to finish her question with, "it?"

"She," Quinn tells her, looking even more relieved than before; Emily doesn't blame her. "Her name's Beth."

_Beth. _It's a pretty name.

She doesn't think much more on that, though; she focuses her gaze on Quinn, notices the way the blonde's eyes have taken on a faraway look. She can see the sadness in them; it breaks her heart. She wants to take the pain away; she doesn't want Quinn to ever be hurt.

She knows she can't take it away, though, so she does the only thing she can think to do and grabs Quinn's hand, lacing her fingers through the blonde's. She gives her hand a comforting squeeze, which elicits a small smile out of the girl. That's enough for her; it's not much, but it's enough.

"I bet she's beautiful, like her mother," Emily says after she finds her voice. The fact that Quinn has a baby is still a lot to take in, but she's not going to judge her; she's in no place to judge. And besides, plenty of teenage girls are pregnant or have already been pregnant; that doesn't automatically mean they're 'sluts' or make them bad people.

"She's very beautiful." Her voice is almost a whisper. The pain in her tone tears at Emily's heartstrings. "We gave her up for adoption... to Rachel's mother." Emily doesn't say anything; she just takes that in with everything else and gives the blonde's hand another squeeze. "I hated myself for so long..." Hearing that makes her heart break just a little more. "I don't anymore, though... Last night, I talked to Puck, and he was right... he still is right. I need to forgive myself and I have. Giving Beth up... that was the right thing. She deserves a great life and that's something Puck and I can't give her."

"But you still miss her." It's not a question. Quinn nods. "And that's okay. It's completely okay. She's _your _daughter, and you should know that she _will _understand. When that day comes for her to learn that Rachel's mom isn't her biological mother, she may be a little hurt, but eventually, she will understand that you only gave her up for her. She can't hate you for that; she won't."

"I always told myself she would," Quinn admits, "but I know you're right. Both you and Puck. I just... I was so mad at myself because I screwed up and when she's older and she finds out who gave birth to her, I don't want her to be disappointed. I don't want her to hate me because the only reason I conceived her was because I had sex with my boyfriend's best friend at a high school party. And her grandparents... how do I tell her about them if she ever tries to see me? How do I tell her that the only one that will want to see her is her grandmother because my father wanted nothing to do with me after he found out? How do I-"

"Quinn, she's not going to hate you," Emily interrupts her. She can't listen to another minute of Quinn putting herself down. "When you do meet her, she won't judge you because of the mistakes you made in the past that led to her being born. And as for your dad, he's crazy for letting you go. That's his mistake and one of these days, if not already, he will regret it."

What Quinn says next catches Emily off guard. "I could kiss you right now. I really could."

"I wish you could," Emily says, and she means it; she wishes she could, but she knows that they can't kiss. Not now. Hopefully, soon. "Just, no more beating yourself up, okay?"

"No more," Quinn agrees. She gives Emily's hand a squeeze before saying, "It's your turn."

All Emily can think is that she really hopes Quinn doesn't hate her after this.

* * *

Sadie doesn't start talking immediately after Quinn tells her it's her turn, which doesn't surprise the blonde. Nor is it much of a surprise when Sadie suggests they go elsewhere.

They're at that somewhere else now, and that somewhere else just so happens to be the park. She knows her secret was pretty big, but she has a feeling that Sadie's is bigger. Not only because Sadie made them leave her house, but also because the brunette looks nervous; she looks like she feels even more nervous than Quinn had before she opened up. Also, she looks guilty and sorry. Extremely sorry. Quinn can't for the life of her figure out why.

They're laying on a blanket that Sadie grabbed before they left. It's chili outside, but not freezing, thankfully. They're lying so close to one another that their arms are touching, but Quinn is ignoring her hormones because she knows now is not the time. Yes, she's missed being able to touch Sadie, to be close to her, these past couple of days, but they can't be truly happy together until they've both been completely honest with each other. And like Quinn said, it's Sadie's turn now.

"This is ridiculous." Sadie finally breaks the silence. She's picking at the grass; she sounds frustrated. "It shouldn't be this hard, but... what I'm hiding _is _going to change everything. I'm really not the person you think I am."

"I doubt that," Quinn says, prompting Sadie to finally glance her way. "I think you are an intelligent, talented, _gorgeous_, and extremely kind person. Nothing you say is going to change my thoughts on you. Nothing you say will make me lo-care about you less."

She almost says love, but stops herself; now isn't the right time. Regardless, she knows she means it. She hasn't allowed herself to think it before now, to admit that she's a goner, but it's true. Nothing Sadie says right now, no matter how big or awful and painful, will change the truth.

There's a small smile on Sadie's face now, but her eyes are sad. Quinn's heart aches at the sight.

"Everything I'm about to tell you all goes back to one person. A friend of mine named Alison." There's a mixture of bitterness, anger, sadness, and even love in Sadie's voice when she mentions her friend. All the emotions pique Quinn's curiosity.

"She kind of 'recruited' me, Aria, Spencer, and Hanna. She made us popular by association, but certain things happened while we were friends with her. A lot of people got hurt and eventually, Ali was the one who paid. The one who got hurt the most."

She pauses then; takes a deep breath. Her exhale sounds painful to Quinn's ears. She instantly covers Sadie's hand with her own, trying to offer her some sense of comfort.

"She was murdered," Sadie eventually chokes out. All Quinn can do is stare at her, wide-eyed. She doesn't say anything; she just gives Sadie's hand a squeeze, but she doesn't think it's enough.

"I-I don't know what to say," Quinn eventually admits, not meeting Sadie's gaze. She feels ashamed. She feels like she should know what to say and she's sorry that she doesn't.

"That's okay," Sadie assures her. Her tone is enough to make Quinn believe her. "No one ever knows what to say. I don't expect anyone to. It happened and it's awful and there is no right thing to say because nothing is ever going to bring her back."

Now, she really has no idea what to say.

Thankfully, Sadie chooses then to continue. "Me, Ari, Spencer, and Hanna went our separate ways after Alison disappeared; at the time, no one knew she had been murdered. There were too many secrets involved in our friendships that we kind of felt it best to just leave each other behind.

"It wasn't until a year after Ali disappeared that her body was found buried within the gates of her house. Me, Ari, Spencer, and Hanna started receiving strange texts after that from an anonymous person. 'A' is what he or she calls him or herself and this person knows everything. All of our secrets. This person has information that could ruin our lives."

If Sadie didn't look so serious, Quinn would think she's simply being dramatic, but the look on her face... it scares Quinn. She can see how scared Sadie is obviously feeling and she knows the brunette isn't exaggerating; not in the least bit.

"I'm not going to tell you their secrets, if that's okay," Sadie says. "I don't want to betray their trust or anything, y'know?"

"I understand," is Quinn's reply. She refrains from adding, _But what's yours? _

"A outed me to my mom. My big secret was that I'm gay. It's not such a secret anymore because eventually, I stopped denying it and accepted myself for who I am. I'm gay and I can't change that... that was my big secret, but there were always new secrets, always new things to keep, so A just kept coming after us. He or she is still after us."

"That's why you left Rosewood?" It's not a question; not really. She knows now that A is the reason Sadie left.

Sadie nods. "Yeah, that's why I left. If it weren't for my friends, I would have already been found, but they have my back. I haven't forgiven myself for leaving them behind. They're dealing with this monster and I'm here, living as normal of a life as I can. It doesn't seem fair."

"I'm sure they understand. You're doing what you have to do. They're probably doing the same."

"They are," Sadie is quick to say. "It's just, they're being hurt and I can't do anything to stop it."

"All of this is because of secrets?"

"It's more than that," Sadie says. "Alison didn't just taunt people. She... victimized them, in a way. Tortured them is more like it. Whoever A is, obviously is someone who was the center of one of Alison's pranks. Someone that is very angry and wants revenge and will stop at nothing until he or she gets it."

Once again, Quinn's at a complete loss for words.

"Which is why I had to..."

Sadie pauses, as if unsure she should continue.

"Why you had to what?" Quinn asks, trying to coax her into continuing, but one look at the girl is enough to realize that it's not working. She refuses to give up now, however. They've come this far and there's no going back. Nothing Sadie has said has changed Quinn's opinion of her. All the girl's words have done have made Quinn scared for her and made her feel awful that there's literally nothing she can do to help or make things any better.

Whatever she's about to say, whatever it is she had to do, can't be that bad.

* * *

She's close to saying it, so close to telling Quinn that her name is Emily Fields, but she hesitates; she's not sure she can do this. Things are good right now - Quinn knows just about everything and she doesn't hate her, but Emily knows that her biggest secret is the be all, end all.

Her words could cause Quinn to walk out of her life forever and she doesn't know if she can handle that. She doesn't want to let her go; she can't.

Still, she knows that if she doesn't finish this, if she doesn't completely open up, she'll lose Quinn, anyway.

After releasing a shaky breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding, Emily finally says, "My name isn't really Sadie, Princess. It's Emily. I'm Emily Fields."

* * *

Quinn's not sure what she's expecting when Sadie speaks, but the words, _"My name isn't really Sadie, Princess. It's Emily. I'm Emily Fields"_ are definitely not it.

The first emotion that courses through her is anger. Essentially, this whole time, she's been dating a complete stranger. Sadie Field is non-existent. That makes her angry, but not so angry that she wants to yell and make a scene. The second emotion is hurt. She's hurt that Sadie (or Emily, she supposes) felt she had to keep this from her, but the majority of the hurt doesn't last for long because she realizes by thinking such a thing, she's being a hypocrite. She kept a secret, too, but her identity had never been a secret.

"Was everything a lie?" she asks, a little louder than she intends. She doesn't mean to sound so frustrated, but she is, a little. "Were we a lie?" She knows they weren't, that they aren't, but she doesn't know how to be rational after learning that her girlfriend isn't who she's been saying she is.

She finds it almost comical that this is what upsets her. The other secrets don't, the supposedly bigger ones, but this one does. She thinks she knows why. It's because her girlfriend has been lying to her and there's a difference between lying and hiding - isn't there?

"Of course we weren't!" Sa-_Emily _exclaims. "We aren't! My feelings aren't a lie and I'm sorry I didn't tell you my real name. It's just... I had to protect myself. I kept it a secret because I thought it would be safer for both of us if I did. I didn't mean to hurt you by lying. I don't want to hurt you."

"I wouldn't have said anything," Quinn says. "I wouldn't have told anyone your name if you had told me not to. You should have told me. I can understand not telling me everything else, but not telling me your _name_?"

"_Please _forgive me. I'm sorry."

Quinn sighs. It's a sad sound. "I want to, but I-I don't know if I can right now." She needs time to process everything. She needs to get used to thinking of the brunette as Emily and not Sadie. _Her _Sadie. "I don't care about the other stuff, okay? I mean that. It's just... I don't know who you are, not really. I need time."

Quinn can see that her words are hurting the girl, but she can't take them back. She doesn't let go of her hands, though; she doesn't want to because she's not ready. This time, she's not sure how long they'll be saying goodbye; she doesn't know how to get used to Sadie being Emily.

* * *

Emily wants to cry; she wants to ask Quinn not to give up on them, but she refrains.

She finds hope and comfort in the fact that Quinn hasn't let go of her hand. She's content with this for now; she doesn't know where they're going from here, and she doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want to think of the possibility that this could be the end.

So, she doesn't. For once, she's choosing to live in the moment.

* * *

**author's note: **i'm not going to say anything aside from thanks for the reviews.

so, thank you, very much.

-kara.


	12. Chapter 12

**Monday (Quinn's point of view)**

"You, Fabray, are a liar."

Quinn does her best not to sigh. She's been waiting for this moment; this moment being when Santana accuses her of not holding up her end of their 'bargain.' Really, she's in no mood to deal with her friend's accusations. Not only because it's Monday and Monday's are always _insane_, but also because she has no clue how to explain away why she and her girlfriend are _still _on their break.

She's not going to tell Santana any of Sa-_Emily's _secrets, because one, it's not her place, and two, it's none of Santana's business. It's not like knowing that will stop Santana, however; she's oddly perceptive and she's noticed that Emily and Quinn have been nowhere near each other today; that's a given.

Quinn's having a hell of a time getting used to thinking of Sadie as Emily. Or Emily as not Sadie. Whatever.

Case and point, they're not together and they won't be together until Quinn can find it in herself to look past the fact that she's been dating a stranger. Okay, so, maybe she hasn't been dating a _total_ stranger, and maybe lots of people hide worse things from their significant others, but she's hurt that Emily kept her real name from her all this time. And, unfortunately, she doesn't quite know how to let that go.

"I'm not a liar, San," Quinn mutters, her voice barely above a whisper, "and keep your voice down."

Quinn decided not to go to lunch and just read in the library instead. She's not ready to face everyone and the twenty questions they will, undoubtedly, have for her. Nor is she sure she can explain.

"Really now?" Santana asks skeptically. "Then, why aren't you and Sadie being all mushy and gross and whatnot?"

_Because her name isn't Sadie_, she thinks; she refrains from voicing the thought aloud.

"We need more time, is all." It's not a complete lie, so she doesn't feel too bad. "I kept up my end of the bargain, Santana. Honest. The question is, did you keep yours?" She's attempting to take the focus off herself; well, that, and she's genuinely curious as to whether or not Santana has finally told Brittany how she really feels.

"Maybe, maybe not," Santana says nonchalantly. "Point taken, however. I'll back off. For now."

"How considerate of you, San," she mutters, her tone nothing short of sarcastic. "I'd like to get back to reading, if you don't mind."

Santana scoffs. Feigning offense, probably. "Chill, Q. Don't be such a bitch."

"Coming from _The _bitch," Quinn retorts without looking at the brunette. She's too busy _trying_, and failing to read about the epic romance that is Jamie and Landon. The epic romance that ends tragically.

This makes her fourth time reading the book. The first time she picked up Nicholas Sparks' _A Walk to Remember_ was after Finn broke up with her. The second time was after she and Puck made the decision to hand Beth over to Shelby and cut themselves from her life completely, and the third time was after her break up with Sam. She and Emily haven't exactly broken up, but they're on a break that seems never-ending, and when her relationships have either failed or are on the verge of failing, she picks up her copy of _A Walk to Remember_ and reads. It's her go-to-book. That way, if she cries and someone catches her, she can lie and say she's crying because of Jamie and Landon and not because her heart is breaking.

"Touché," Santana says, dragging her out of her thoughts and tearing her attention from the book. Again.

This time, when she speaks, she looks directly at Santana. "Don't you have anything better to do? Like, I don't know, _talking to Brittany_, or sucking up to Coach or-"

Santana cuts her off. "_Watch it_, Q." She's not going to lie, the glare Santana is giving her _is _kind of scary. "And to answer your question," she continues, no longer glaring at the blonde, "no, I do not have anything better to do."

Quinn raises an eyebrow at that. "So, you_ didn't_ keep up your end of the bargain?"

"Did _you_?" Santana asks. "I know you said you did, but did you _really_?"

"I'll take that as a no," is Quinn's only response.

Santana smirks. "Back atcha, Q."

X

**(Emily's point of view)**

Emily hates Mondays. She thinks she hates this Monday even more than all the ones before it. Quinn won't look at her, won't talk to her; she didn't even show up to the cafeteria for lunch, which is why Emily decided to take her lunch to the choir room and eat there.

She doesn't want to have to explain why she and Quinn are continuing with their break. A break that is starting to look a hell of a lot like an actual break up.

"Hey."

Emily starts at the voice, instantly looking up, only to find herself facing none other than Noah Puckerman. Which, to be honest, surprises her. She's tempted to ask him if he's lost or something because he hasn't spoken a single word to her since Quinn told him about their relationship - what reason does he have for talking to her now?

"Hi," she replies, unsure of what to say.

She doesn't even know what Puck is doing here, what he wants. She has an idea, of course, but she doesn't really _know_.

"Want company?" he asks.

The question shocks her silent. She doesn't respond; she doesn't think she has to because after he speaks, he shuts the door and makes his way over to her. He takes the seat beside her without saying a word. The silence, thankfully, only lasts a few minutes; she's the one who breaks it.

"So, what are you doing here?" She doesn't mean for the question to sound so rude. It's just that she's confused and curious as to why he's here and not eating lunch in the cafeteria with everyone else.

"I love her," he blurts. She thinks that's an odd response to her question.

Emily doesn't look at him, doesn't ask who he's referring to. She doesn't have to. "I know." _I do, too_, she thinks, but doesn't tell him that. She hasn't even told Quinn, or even herself. She's admitted it in her mind, of course, but only briefly; being in love with someone again terrifies her.

What terrifies her even more about being in love again is that she may not even get to say so. Things between her and Quinn aren't looking so great, and though it breaks her heart to think such a way, she's not sure how much longer they're going to last. It's already starting to feel like they're over. And it hurts.

"Look, I was pissed when she told me you two were, y'know, together," Puck starts; if he's trying to make her feel guilty, it's working, "but I've been thinking and she's real happy with you. Happier than I've seen her for a long time and I like that. I like when I know she's okay. So, like, I'm cool with you two being together." She can see how hard it must have been for him to say all of that. She respects him for it; he's really not a bad guy, not in the least. "And not just 'cause it's kinda hot," he adds after a moment.

Despite herself, she laughs at his last remark. Realization dawns on her, however, and she stops laughing. She understands why he's here now. "You think us not being together is your fault." It's not a question; that's clearly why he wanted to talk to her. Emily can see how much he loves Quinn; he wants her to be happy, he said so himself, and he'd hate it if he was the one keeping her from said happiness.

"Well, yeah," he says, scratching the back of his neck. It's almost cute, how confused he is.

"You're not," she assures him with a small smile. "And it's not that we aren't together anymore... we're still on a break, that's all." She thinks she says that more for her benefit than for his.

"I'm no expert on relationships, but I'm pretty sure breaks lead to break ups," Puck says. She doesn't respond. It's not like he's saying anything she doesn't know. "Anyway, just... fix it, okay? Talk to her or something. Buy her flowers. Just do whatever you have to."

She doesn't say anything; she merely nods.

He doesn't say anything else as he stands up and makes his way towards the exit. It's only when he's got the door halfway open that he turns and meets her gaze as directly as he can from across the room.

"You two have got something good," he starts; she can hear it in his voice how hard it is for him to say those words, "and trust me, you don't want to let her get away. So, don't let her."

She thinks he's done then, but when he opens his mouth again, she realizes she's mistaken.

"You'll regret it if you let her," are the last words he says before exiting the choir room and quietly shutting the door behind him.

_You'll regret it if you let her_.

His last words play over and over in her mind like a broken record. _You'll regret it_. She knows he's right.

_He is right, y'know?_

She doesn't argue with her inner voice this time.

Instead, she makes a promise to herself. She won't let Quinn Fabray get away.

_I won't_.

* * *

**Tuesday (Quinn's point of view)**

Quinn's confused. Utterly so.

Yesterday, Emily wouldn't even look her way - granted, she refused, for the most part, to look the brunette's way, but _still_... Today, the girl has not only looked her way, but waved and said 'hello' and she even sat at lunch with the glee club despite seeing that Quinn was there.

Quinn never returned her waves or her 'hello' and she completely ignored Emily at lunch. She feels guilty, of course, but she's doing it on purpose; she's shutting herself off, pushing the brunette away so she won't be hurt anymore than she already has been. To put it simply, she's turning back into HBIC Quinn.

Anyway, none of that has to do with why she's utterly confused. Well, not all of it, anyway. The _main _reason she's so confused is because right now, Emily is seated by a very smiley Brittany, who happens to have her pinky laced with Santana's. This doesn't surprise her - she learned during yesterday's Glee club meeting that Santana did keep up her end of their 'bargain.' This had been made obvious because Brittany had been sitting in Santana's lap, and Artie had looked none-too-pleased.

"Sadie! It's wonderful to have you here again."

Mr. Schuester's delighted tone of voice drags Quinn from her thoughts and she seats herself in the seat behind Sam, which is also the seat to the left of Rachel. She doesn't look to her right, even though she can feel Emily's eyes on her. It's killing her; she wants to be sitting next to the girl, to be holding her hand and whispering to her while Mr. Schue prattles on and on forever about Regionals. She can't be doing either of those things, however, because they're taking a break and taking a break means space.

Which is why she's confused as to what her girlfriend is doing here. Why is she trying so hard to get Quinn's attention? And why now?

X

**(Emily's point of view)**

A smirk graces Emily's features as she takes note of the confused slash frustrated expression on Quinn's face.

She's been trying to get the girl's attention all day. So far, nothing has worked. The Glee club meeting is her last hope. Her last hope for today, anyway. She's taking Puck's advice; she's not letting the blonde get away.

If that means losing some of her dignity by waving furiously in the hallways and screaming 'hello' from across the room, then so be it.

She'll do anything. Absolutely anything, because Quinn is worth it and so much more.

* * *

**Wednesday (Emily's point of view)**

"I don't know why I listened to you," Emily mutters, tossing a glare at Puck.

"Chill, cool chick," Puck says, throwing his hands up in a defensive gesture.

She huffs. "_My name is Emily_," she seethes.

It's only after the words leave her mouth that she directs her anger at herself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_, she thinks.

Her anger dissipates. "I mean, my name is... I," she sputters lamely.

Puck just stares at her, confused. "Dude, isn't your name Sadie?"

She sighs, shakes her head; she doesn't have the energy to lie anymore. Today was worse than yesterday. Quinn avoided her during homeroom, somehow managed to get away from her when they passed each other in the hallways, and she didn't show up to lunch.

Puck _should _be in the auditorium with the others right now, rehearsing the group number for Regionals, but he asked Mr. Schue if he could stay behind for a few minutes. She appreciates that he's trying to help her. She's grateful for it, even, but after two days, she's _this _close to giving up.

She keeps telling herself that Quinn is worth it. _She is_.

"My name is Emily Fields," she says after a moment. Puck opens his mouth, but she cuts him off before he can say anything. "Before you ask me why I lied about who I am, let me just say that it's complicated. Very complicated, and I can't explain to you why."

Realization seems to dawn on the Mohawked boy. "She's pissed 'cause you lied to her."

"She's _hurt_ because I lied to her," Emily corrects him.

"Right, okay. Well... apologize."

"I _did_." She knows he means well, but Puck is not doing anything to help her mood. "She said she needs space."

Puck rolls his eyes. "No, she doesn't. Space is the last thing you guys need."

"I'll keep trying, okay?" She means it; she's not ready to give up. "Oh, and one more thing," she starts just as he starts to walk away, "don't tell anyone my name."

"What name?" he asks, a smirk on his face. She chuckles. "Later, cool chick." He mock salutes her before exiting the choir room.

After a minute, she decides to follow. There's no harm in seeing what New Directions has cooked up for Regionals.

X

**(Quinn's point of view)**

"This is disastrous, Mr. Schuester!" Rachel exclaims, stomping her feet as she makes her way to the front of the stage.

"Why is that, Rachel?" Mr. Schue sounds almost bored.

Quinn giggles into her hand as Rachel launches into a dramatic speech about the choreography and their competition and _blah, blah, blah_. She loves the girl and all, but the tiny diva is definitely a drama queen.

"She is grating on my last nerve," Santana mutters as she, Brittany, and Quinn seat themselves cross-legged on the stage. The other members of New Directions follow suit. No one really knows how long Rachel's 'conversation' with Mr. Schue is going to last.

Quinn's bet is that they won't make any progress today. The good news is that they're doing something completely original, something no other club is doing; they're performing an original song. Rachel is genius, that's all Quinn has to say.

"We're going to win because of her, so be grateful and shut up," Quinn says, her tone half-teasing.

"Quinn's right, Santana. We're going to kill it because of Rach," Mercedes chimes in from behind her.

Santana doesn't even spare the girl a single glance. "Shut up, Beyonce. I know that already. I was just sayin'."

"Cool chick!"

Puck's shout causes Quinn to turn until she's facing the opposite end of the stage. There Emily is, talking to Puck. The sight confuses her, frankly. Everything Emily has been doing since Monday has confused Quinn.

"Just forgive her already," Santana blurts as she looks at Quinn. "Whatever she did can't be that bad. It's obvious you still like her, so do something about it."

She looks at Emily then. The brunette is laughing at something Sam and Puck are talking about and Quinn can't help but smile.

_Just forgive her already_.

She sighs as the words run through her mind. Can she do that? Can she forgive her? Or has she already?

"Maybe I will," Quinn whispers, and this time, when Emily looks at her, she doesn't look away.

* * *

**Thursday (Emily's point of view)**

Progress. She's making progress and it feels wonderful.

Quinn actually looked at her when they were in the auditorium yesterday, and this morning, the blonde returned her 'hello' and her waves from across the hallway.

She's in the auditorium again, watching the club rehearse. Unlike yesterday, they're getting some actual rehearsing done. The song they're performing, 'Loser Like Me', is absolutely perfect. It sounds sort of like a pop song from the 90s, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

This is her first time seeing the group _really _perform together and she thinks they're amazing. The other clubs are going to have to bring it if they want to beat New Directions this year because it's obvious her friends aren't backing down without a fight.

Neither are her friends back in Rosewood, she thinks. According to Hanna, Spencer and Toby are doing 'hardcore detective work' and they're making progress, which is good news. On the downside, Aria's brother knows about Mr. Fitz and Aria and, though he's keeping quiet, Aria's terrified she doesn't have much time left before her parents find out.

She wishes there was something she could do to help, but all she can do from here is offer her advice. It isn't much, but the girls understand. Doesn't keep her from feeling guilty, though.

"So, oh wonderful judge," Quinn starts, dragging Emily out of her thoughts, "what'd you think?"

She looks up only to see Quinn standing at the foot of the stage, grinning down at her. She can't help but to grin back.

She claps her hands dramatically, but she's one hundred percent serious when she says, "Excellent. New Directions is going to kick ass at Regionals."

Mr. Schue states his agreement and the group erupts into applause and squeals. She laughs as she climbs up onto the stage with them and joins in. She may not be part of the club, but right now, it sure as hell feels like it. And it feels good to feel like she's part of something again.

X

**(Quinn's point of view)**

Quinn makes sure to say goodbye to Emily before she follows Santana and Brittany out of the auditorium.

Santana turns to her once the three girls reach Brittany's locker.

"You done dancing around her yet?" she asks.

Quinn simply grins. "Maybe, maybe not," she replies, mimicking Santana's nonchalant tone from their conversation on Monday.

Santana half scoffs, half laughs. "Touché, Fabray. Touché."

* * *

**Friday (Quinn's point of view)**

"I'm very excited!" Rachel exclaims,_ gracefully _throwing herself onto Quinn's bed.

"Yes, you've said that five times now," Quinn says with a laugh.

"More like ten," Santana corrects her. She's sitting at Quinn's computer desk.

"Am I not allowed to be excited? I'd like to assume the two of you are as well. Please correct me if I'm wrong."

The last part of the brunette's sentence is sarcastic; Rachel using sarcasm is something that's taken some getting used to, but it's pretty much a daily occurrence now.

"You're not wrong," Quinn says. "I'm excited. Ecstatic, actually. So ecstatic that I couldn't even concentrate today."

"You're exaggerating and I don't find it very comedic," Rachel comments haughtily.

"Says you, _The _drama queen," Santana remarks.

Rachel glares. Quinn decides to butt in before the girl can say anything.

"Back to writing, okay?" That's why they're all here; they decided to work on their English essays together.

"Whatever," Santana mutters, turning her attention back to the computer just as Rachel picks up her pen and begins writing again.

Quinn rolls her eyes at both of her friends before picking up her own pen and starting to write again. Only, she's not actually concentrating on the assignment. She's trying to figure out why, exactly, Emily didn't show up to school. She seemed fine yesterday, so she doesn't think the brunette is sick.

She doesn't want to be worried, but she is, a little. Emily hasn't missed a day of school since she came to Lima and it's not like her to skip. She doesn't want to think it, but what if something happened with that A person she told her about? What if Emily's not safe anymore?

The thought scares her; mortifies her, actually.

She makes a decision then and excuses herself from the room. She's going to call Emily. Quinn has to know that she's okay.

X

**(Emily's point of view)**

"Thanks for letting me skip!" Emily calls to her mom just as she exits the house.

She doesn't normally skip; it's not really like her, but she's been so distracted all week that she forgot to do a couple homework assignments, so she asked her mom if she could stay home. Being that Emily hasn't missed a day of school since moving to Lima, Mrs. Fields was quick to agree.

Just as she's about to enter the kitchen, Emily hears her cell go off. She would ignore it, but the ring tone that's playing is _Quinn's _ring tone, so she practically runs back into the living room and grabs her phone off the coffee table.

"Hi," she says after answering and plopping down onto her couch.

All she hears on the opposite end of the line is a deep sigh. One of relief, she thinks.

"Is everything okay, Princess?" she asks after a moment.

"Everything's fine. You're okay, so everything's perfectly fine," is Quinn's response; she sounds so relieved to know that Emily is okay that said brunette can't stop the smile that graces her lips.

Although, she has no idea why Quinn thought she was anything but okay.

"Why'd you think I wasn't okay?" she asks, partly because she's curious and partly because it's nice to hear Quinn's voice again. She wants to keep her on the phone, even if only for a few more minutes.

"Well... you didn't show up to school today and I just thought that A-"

Quinn lets her sentence trail off; Emily doesn't have to ask her to finish it.

"You thought A found me." It's not a question. "I'm _fine_, okay? I'm safe."

She hears that sigh of relief again. "Good. I'm really glad that you're okay. I'm glad you're safe."

Emily opens her mouth to say something, but the line goes dead before she can. She's a little hurt by that, but she gets it; she understands. She's not going to let it bother her; in fact, what she's going to do is be glad that Quinn still cares.

And because she cares, there's still a chance. There's still a chance that this isn't the end. They're not over, not by a long shot.

* * *

**Present Day (Emily's point of view)**

Emily groans. This is the _second _Saturday that someone has showed up this early in the morning to annoy her. Granted, the last time, it was Quinn, but _still_, this is ridiculous. She wants sleep; needs sleep. She has a long day ahead of her because she, along with the entire Glee club, is going to Mr. Schuester's to help him with a garage slash bake sale.

"I'm coming!" she shouts as she makes her way down the stairs and towards the front door.

She doesn't say anything as she opens the door, which is probably for the best because once she sees who's standing on her porch, she can't bring herself to say much of anything.

She _tries _to speak, but no words come out. It's frustrating.

Quinn holds her hand out, confusing Emily further, and says, "I'm Quinn Fabray."

Her confusion quickly fades. A smile replaces her frown.

She takes Quinn's hand in her own and says, "I'm Emily Fields. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too, Emily," Quinn says as the two girls shake hands.

When Quinn smiles at her, Emily thinks it's like meeting her for the first time all over again.

The blonde is offering her a fresh start and she'd be making a fool of herself if she didn't accept it.

* * *

**author's note: **the next chapter will be the last, most likely. or the next to the last. i'm not sure. i guess you guys will have to wait and see.

thank you so much for the reviews and the support. i appreciate it very much. :)

also, as you can see, this chapter is written a bit differently. the next one will be written the same as all the others. the only different thing will be that, in quinn's point of view, she won't be thinking of emily as sadie. sadie is gone now.

- Kara.


	13. Chapter 13

"So... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I overreacted."

Emily chuckles at that - really, she's been wanting to release that chuckle since Quinn first started talking about fifteen minutes ago. She should have been the one apologizing, not Quinn. She's the one who kept her name a secret; she regrets it and she realizes now that Quinn had every right to be upset with her. She could have told Quinn, nobody else would have had to know, but she let her fear keep her from being one hundred percent honest and for that, she would forever be sorry.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Quinn pouts. Emily thinks it's the most adorable pout she's ever seen.

"You didn't overreact," Emily says, ignoring her question. "I should have told you, okay? End of discussion."

Quinn rests her head on Emily's chest - they're lying on Emily's bed and Emily is holding her; she doesn't ever want to let Quinn go.

"Okay," Quinn relents, meeting Emily's gaze, "but I'm still sorry."

"For what?" Emily asks, confusion lacing her tone. She honestly believes her girlfriend has absolutely nothing to apologize for.

Quinn's eyes are glistening with tears, Emily notices. It tears at her heartstrings.

"For pushing you away like I did," Quinn starts. "I... I know our relationship was rocky because of our secrets, but I shouldn't have suggested we take a break. I shouldn't have ignored you like I did. I didn't want to take a break from us.. I care about you so much and being away from you, it caused a physical ache in my chest. I pushed you away and I shouldn't have. And for that, I'm so, so sorry."

A tear falls from the blonde's eye and Emily uses her thumb to wipe it away. She strokes Quinn's cheek softly with her thumb and never once tears her gaze from Quinn's as she speaks. "I didn't have to agree with you, but I did. You have nothing to be sorry for, Princess. Absolutely nothing. We're both at fault, but we don't have to dwell on it. We can move on from that. A clean slate. You offered one to me and now I'm offering one to you... so, what do you say?"

A smile graces Quinn's lips; it's small, but still very beautiful.

"I say yes," is Quinn's answer. "I'll accept the clean slate. I think we need the clean slate."

"I'm sorry that we need one," Emily apologizes; she ignores the warning glance Quinn gives her. She has to apologize; Quinn may not think Emily has anything to apologize for, but that's not what _she _thinks. They could have avoided their entire break had she just told the truth from the very beginning.

"Em..."

"_No,_" she interrupts her, "I know you think I don't have anything to apologize for, but you're wrong. My name, Quinn... I never should have kept it from you." Quinn sits up; doesn't say anything. She just looks at Emily - she can see it in Quinn's eyes that she agrees. "I did, though, and I can't go back and change that. If I could, I would, but... the point is that, I can't. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am and hope that you can forgive me because I regret it, and-"

She doesn't get a chance to finish; Quinn cuts her off with a kiss. It's passionate and she kisses back with just as much fervor; she doesn't ever want to come up for air, but they do eventually and she leans her forehead against Quinn's, wanting to be as close to her as possible after being away from her for what she deems too long.

"You're forgiven," Quinn whispers breathlessly. Emily shivers as she feels the girl's warm breath fan her face. "I care about you so much, Emily. More than you know."

A smile graces her lips; she likes the sound of her name when Quinn is the one saying it. It feels amazing to not have to lie to the blonde anymore. She can be herself around Quinn. She can be Emily Fields again; not around everyone, but she'll take what she can get.

"I care about you, too. So much," she says, squeezing her eyes shut as she sighs.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asks, the worry evident in her tone. She starts to pull away, but Emily doesn't let her. She takes Quinn's hands in her own and prays Quinn can't see how nervous she is as she meets her gaze.

"Nothing, it's just..." She sighs. She's frustrated; not with Quinn, but with herself for not being able to say what she wants so badly to say. She's terrified of what Quinn's response will be and she's terrified of opening herself up to someone that fully for the second time. It's not that her first relationship ended badly because it didn't. She and Maya had a nice talk, and Maya understood why things had to end; she understood and they were still friends and everything was okay, but not every relationship ended that way. Quinn isn't Maya.

She reminds herself that none of that matters right now; she's thinking too far ahead. If she wants this to work, if she wants to do this right, she has to focus on the here and now. She has to learn to live in the present - not in the past or in the future.

"I mean it when I say that I care about you. I _really _mean it, and even if you don't feel the way that I do, I have to tell you that I-"

"I love you, too," Quinn interrupts her; she grins as she says the words.

Emily swears her heart flutters; she opens her mouth and tries to say something back, but she discovers that her mouth is suddenly very dry and she can't get the words out. She opens and closes her mouth a few times; she's sure she looks stupid, but she's speechless. That, in itself, is stupid, because she should be telling Quinn that she loves her, but she needs a few seconds to process that she's not the only one who feels that way.

It suddenly hits her that this, what they have, is very real, and she feels a sadness she's never felt before at the thought that she almost lost Quinn.

"I love you," she blurts out after a few more seconds; she sees a brief expression of relief on her girlfriend's face before the blonde leans in and kisses her fully on the lips.

She's not sure how long their kiss lasts, but she does know she pouts when Quinn pulls away.

"We have a very long day ahead of us," Quinn reminds her. Emily had almost completely forgotten that she and the glee kids had agreed to help Mr. Schue all day. "As much as I'd love to stay in with you all day, I try my best not to break my promises."

"But staying in sounds so _tempting_..." She's not ashamed in the least bit that she's practically _whining_; it's not something she usually does, but she, very badly, wants to be alone Quinn. "I know we can't, though. We promised..."

"And?" Quinn asks with a playful grin; she's clearly amused.

"A promise is a promise," Emily says, a laugh escaping her after she speaks.

"Exactly!" Quinn exclaims, kissing Emily on the lips once more before jumping up. "Now... what do you say to making me some bacon?"

Emily chuckles as she, too, jumps up. "I say, what's breakfast without bacon?"

* * *

Quinn is extremely bored. She, along with Emily and the rest of the glee club, has been here for hours now. It's only been about two hours, maybe two and a half, but it still feels much longer than that. Mr. Schue has so much _stuff _and he's trying to sell it all and they've yet to sell even half of it.

Puck, Santana, and Brittany are having no trouble with their bake sale, however. She's not stupid; Puck's changed in a lot of ways, but he's still _Puck_ and she knows those brownies they're selling aren't normal brownies and the cupcakes are definitely not normal cupcakes. There are normal ones thrown in, of course, for those customers that don't want to rot their brain cells, but most of the sweets being sold are 'special.'

Mr. Schue is completely clueless as to what Puck is selling; partly because he's oblivious and partly because he's been too busy taking inventory with the help of Artie and Finn. Why Finn is helping, she has no idea - she loves the guy and all, but he's about as dumb as a stack of bricks and probably has no clue what inventory even is.

She's been helping sell used appliances, which is probably why she's so bored because no one wants used appliances. Not these ones, anyway; she has no clue what Mr. Schue is thinking trying to sell them, but she's not about to question his sanity, so she won't ask.

She'd be less bored if she wasn't selling alone, but unfortunately, she's the one who got stuck at a table by herself. Emily had wanted to stay with her, but Mr. Schue had other ideas for the brunette and dragged her away to help Rachel and Mercedes sell his old records and the cassette tapes that he, for whatever reason, owns.

"Mr. Schuester, don't!"

Rachel's shout grabs Quinn's attention, dragging her out of her thoughts. She glances in the direction of where Rachel has been for nearly three hours now, but the brunette isn't there. Mercedes and Emily still are, but they're looking in the other direction, where the bake sale is taking place.

Quinn faces the other direction just in time to see Rachel snatch a cupcake out of Mr. Schue's hand. She can tell from the soft laughter of her fellow glee club members that she isn't the only one who witnesses it.

"Care to explain yourself, Rachel?" she hears Mr. Schue ask after she and a few(read: all) others have moved from their tables and made their way to the opposite end of Mr. Schuester's front yard.

"I advise you to not buy a single sweet from Puck, Mr. Schuester," Rachel replies, looking one hundred percent serious.

Out of the corner of her eye, Quinn sees Puck flash Rachel a pleading glance. The sight almost makes her laugh; key word being almost.

"And why is that?" Mr. Schue asks. See, _oblivious_.

Quinn sees Puck send Rachel another pleading glance and then hears the brunette huff.

"Because, I had planned to bake you a full batch of my cookies," Rachel explains. Quinn's surprised the girl is able to lie so easily; then again, she has a feeling that Rachel will end up making those cookies just to assure Mr. Schue that she isn't a liar. "I wouldn't want you to not enjoy them, and I feel as though you would should you continue to consume more sweets today."

Quinn watches as Mr. Schue thinks over Rachel's response before saying, "Okay, then. Your cookies happen to be delicious, Rachel." He turns to Puck after receiving a nearly blinding smile from the tiny diva and says, "I won't be needing a second cupcake, after all, Puck," before telling everyone to get back to work and then making his way over to his own table.

"Rachel and Puck certainly have an... interesting relationship."

She turns around, only to see her girlfriend standing beside her with an amused grin playing on her lips.

Quinn nods her head in agreement. "You have no idea. Sometimes, I'm convinced they're an old married couple."

Emily opens her mouth and starts to say something, but Rachel approaches them and says, "That Puckerman is very frustrating," effectively shutting Emily up.

"Just_ that_ Puckerman?" Quinn asks, her tone border lining on teasing. "Clearly, you've never met the other Puckermans."

"I have, actually," Rachel counters, "and I must say, they can be frustrating as well. I quite enjoy babysitting Lily, however. Though, I could do without Susan inviting me to stay for dinner after she returns home. They end somewhat awkwardly for Noah and myself; she seems to have this idea in her head that I will someday become Mrs. Noah Puckerman."

Quinn can't help it; she outright laughs at that statement.

"What?" she asks innocently when Rachel huffs indignantly. "I'm not surprised, is all. You're Jewish. Puck is Jewish. You two could have beautiful Jewish babies together. _Of course_, she wants the two of you to get married."

"You sound awfully bitter, Quinn," Rachel points out. Emily nods as if agreeing with her. Quinn merely rolls her eyes at the both of them.

"I'm not very fond of Puck's mother, and I know the feeling is mutual, so I don't feel bad for disliking her."

The blonde is very well aware of Puck's mother's intense dislike towards her. It bothered her before, when she was pregnant and still very in love with Puck, but she doesn't care much anymore. Besides, she knows it's nothing personal - the woman is merely delusional and wants her son to marry a Jewish girl. One like Rachel.

"I understand where you're coming from," Rachel says. "As much as I'd love to stay and chat, I'm afraid I need to return to my table. It looks to me as though my help is very much needed."

Quinn laughs, looking in the direction of Rachel's table. It looks like she's right; her help is definitely needed. She sees at least six customers walk away from Mercedes empty-handed.

"I think you're right," she says after looking at the petite brunette again.

"Tell 'Cedes that I'll be there in a few, okay?" Emily says when Rachel turns to her and asks if she's planning on returning to the table anytime soon. Rachel agrees to tell Mercedes just that before excusing herself and making her way back over to her table, leaving Quinn and Emily alone.

"I should probably return to my table." She doesn't want to, mostly because she's positive she won't be seeing customers anytime soon. "Though, my services are definitely _not _needed, but like I made you say earlier, a promise is a promise."

"We'll be done soon, I'm sure," Emily replies, placing her hands on the blonde's waist and pulling her close until their bodies are pressed together. She's sure the others are watching, but she doesn't care and Quinn's not pulling away so it's obvious she doesn't, either. "When we are, we can get some much needed time alone. Promise."

Quinn pouts and Emily thinks it's the most adorable thing she's ever seen in her life. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but her girlfriend is seriously adorable.

"Really?" she asks hopefully.

"Definitely," Emily assures her. "After all, I try and make a habit of not breaking promises."

Quinn frowns, but Emily's not stupid; it's not real.

"That's basically what I said this morning," she points out. "Copy cat."

"You'll get over it," Emily teases, reluctantly pulling away from Quinn. Quinn, however, pulls her back again and kisses her passionately on the lips before pulling away and heading in the direction of her table.

She's momentarily dumbfounded, but then she yells, "Hey!"

Quinn merely throws Emily a glance over her shoulder and smiles, and all Emily can do is smile back.

* * *

"Yes, but..."

"Everything _is _rusty, y'know? The prices shouldn't be so high."

"I know that, but..."

"Really, someone should talk to that William Schuester about this."

"We've tried, but..."

"I do _need _a toaster, but I simply cannot pay this much. Did William somehow forget this is a yard_ sale_?"

"I doubt it, but Miss-"

"The dictionary defines a sale as-"

This time, Quinn is the one who interrupts. "Okay, _listen_," she snaps, standing from her chair and leaning over so that she's practically eye level with the older woman that has been _harassing _her for the past fifteen minutes, at the least. She can't take much more of being interrupted every single damn time she attempts to speak, so now it's time to play HBIC. "_I _am not Mr. Schuester. I did not put the prices on these appliances, okay? If you have an issue, take it up with Mr. Schue, and while I agree to some extent that these items are ridiculously priced, I suggest you do not talk to Mr. Schue. You are obviously very cheap," the woman has the decency to not scoff at that, "and _very _rude, and I refuse to sit by and tolerate it any longer. So, please, go away."

She doesn't let the lady get a single word in; she simply sits back down and calls 'next', which, thankfully, is enough to make the lady leave. She can feel a few eyes on her, but she ignores it and goes back to selling appliances; when the next woman starts asking _more _questions than the last, she takes a deep breath and reminds herself that as soon as she's done here, she'll be alone with her _girlfriend_. The girlfriend she loves who loves her and that makes her very happy; not happy enough, however, to not snap at this lady, too.

But, hey, she's still Quinn Fabray.

* * *

Emily's laughing and Rachel and Mercedes are giving her strange looks, but she doesn't care because she can't get over how funny and _cute _her girlfriend just was. She doesn't think Quinn noticed, but she was watching the entire time as Quinn told that woman off. It probably wasn't the most professional thing for the girl to do, but honestly, this is a yard sale, so who cares? Quinn isn't exactly the most _patient _person in the world; it was only a matter of time until she snapped at one of the customers; Emily's surprised, actually, that it didn't happen sooner.

"I _have _to ask, what is so hilarious?" Rachel asks eventually, halting in the process of rearranging the cassette tapes they're supposed to be selling; her curiosity must have gotten the better of her.

"Quinn," Emily replies simply, tearing her gaze from her girlfriend and focusing it on Rachel.

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Rachel says. It's not as though she has to; Emily can see how confused the girl is. "She's very... scary when she wants to be." She thinks scary is the right word. "I find it adorable, almost." Not almost - it's _completely_ adorable.

"You're very much in love with her." It amazes her how _blunt _the girl can be sometimes. "You're blushing." She sounds amused.

"I am not blushing," she denies; she is _so _blushing.

"Don't be bashful," Rachel says with a bright smile that makes her eyes sparkle. "I've noticed that she, too, is very much in love with you. Her past relationships have failed miserably," see, _blunt_, "so she may not be ready to admit her love, but her feelings for you are obvious to anyone with an IQ above ten."

"Not that it's anyone's business," she starts, "but Quinn and I have fixed things, and we both know how the other feels."

"_Obviously_, the two of you have worked through your issues," Rachel states matter-of-factly. "I doubt she would have kissed you in front of us all had you two still been on a break." She couldn't argue with that. "Not to mention, the both of you have been practically attached at the hip since your arrival earlier this morning."

"Not true," Emily argues. She feels that they've been away from one another for far too long today.

"You're merely experiencing what experts refer to as the 'honeymoon phase'," Rachel says. Her serious tone leaves absolutely no room for argument. "Though, I don't believe much in that phase anymore. Finn and myself have been back together now for quite some time and we're still going through said phase."

She laughs. "Too much information, Rach," she jokes, playfully smacking Rachel's arm.

"Sorry," Rachel apologizes halfheartedly before once again focusing her attention on their customers. Not that they have many. Mike, Tina, and Sam are having better luck selling silverware and old clothes than she, Mercedes, and Rachel are selling records and tapes. And here she thought old records and cassette tapes were the easiest to sell at yard sales. Boy, was she wrong - then again, she considers herself lucky because at least she didn't get stuck selling what Quinn is selling.

She wishes she could help her, though, _but _Mr. Schue is adamant about her staying where she is. Something about her not being able to concentrate when she's around Quinn or whatever. She wants to believe that isn't true, but it is, for the most part. What can she say? Quinn Fabray is definitely a distraction, but a welcome one.

And she can't wait until they leave here because she has a feeling Quinn will be _very _distracting then.

* * *

"I'd like to thank you all very much for helping me today," Mr. Schuester says after everyone has finished cleaning up.

A few more hours have passed - lunch was eaten at about one, they started selling again at about one-thirty, and surprisingly, things had picked up and they'd sold just about everything. Quinn even had some luck with the appliances, but not much.

"You're welcome, Mr. Schue!" everyone yelled in (almost) unison.

"And before you ask, Mercedes," Mr. Schue starts again, his tone a little teasing this time, "yes, everyone may leave now." That's all it takes for the glee kids to scurry off towards their cars. Mr. Schuester laughs and shakes his head before disappearing inside his home. Quinn and Emily are the only ones who stay behind.

There's a smile on the blonde's face as she approaches her girlfriend and immediately pulls the brunette closer to her.

"I think we should get that alone time now." Her tone is mildly suggestive; she's surprised at it, but not too surprised. She's a lot more open about her sexuality when she's with Emily and she likes it. Loves it, even. She just loves _her_.

"I have no objections," Emily says with a playful grin.

Her playful grin disappears, however, when Quinn's expression morphs into that of a serious one.

"I'm glad we're okay," Quinn says. It's only then that Emily sees the unshed tears shining in her girlfriend's eyes.

She smiles; a very real, full-blown smile. "We're more than okay, Princess. Much more."

Quinn doesn't say anything; she just kisses Emily, and the kiss is loving and sweet and _perfect. Like Quinn_, she thinks as she continues to kiss her girlfriend because it's true. Quinn may not realize it, but she is all those things and so much more and Emily makes a vow right then and there to make the blonde believe it.

Quinn deserves the best and nothing less and Emily hopes against all hopes that she can provide her with just that.

* * *

**author's note**: this isn't the end, i don't think. i have an idea for one more chapter - it'll be short, really short, and it will definitely be the last one. however, once it's finished, i may decide i just want to leave 'breathe me in' with this chapter. guess you'll just have to wait and see!

thanks for the reviews. and bye. for now. :D


	14. Chapter 14

It's perfect. Absolutely perfect, Quinn thinks.

Maybe she's the only one who thinks so; God, she _hopes _that after she performs, she's not the only one who thinks so. Or else it would have been a complete waste of her time.

She and Emily have been back together for about a month now; things have been going great for them. For Quinn, in general. Regionals was a couple of weeks ago and New Directions _won _because Rachel, as Quinn has stated thousands of times since they became friends, is a genius and original songs were _exactly _what they needed to make it to Nationals. She moved out of the Jones' place last Monday and into her mother's new place; actually, it's her new place, too, but it's going to take some getting used to. She's yet to unpack all of her stuff, but she figures her stuff can wait because her mother's been going crazy shopping for furniture and kitchen supplies and any other necessities that will make their new home feel more 'homey'.

Surprisingly, living with her mother again hasn't been all that terrible. Her mom is more mellow without _Russell _there; she'll always love her father, but he abandoned her and her mother and as much as she wishes she could, she doesn't think she'll ever find it in her heart to _truly _forgive him. He hasn't even showed his face once since he and her mother split, and honestly, she's glad he hasn't and she hopes he doesn't anytime soon because her life is _great _and she doesn't need him ruining that for her.

Then again, she thinks not even her father could ruin her happiness - yes, _happiness_. For the first time in for what feels like far too long, Quinn Fabray is genuinely happy. Her life may not be perfect, but whose is? She's never going to reach perfection and she was crazy for ever believing she could; her life, for now, is as good as it's going to get and she's not ashamed to say that she is perfectly okay with that.

X

"Fuck, Quinn, this shit is _gross_," Puck says, tossing the lyrics she handed him earlier right back at her.

She scowls at him after the sheets of paper hit her in the face and land on the floor.

"Pick those up," she orders, not giving him a chance to protest as she turns to Santana and asks her opinion on the song she chose to perform during glee. She wants to be assured that she's not going to look absolutely ridiculous up there singing about her feelings like this. She's not used to pouring her heart out in the open; it's not going to be easy, she knows that, and it scares her.

"Honest?" Quinn nods. "I can't believe I'm _actually _saying this, but Puck's right, Q." Santana pauses, turns her head to look at Puck. "And wipe that smirk off your face right now, asshole." He does, and Santana grins before focusing her attention on Quinn, who is currently glaring at her. "Chill, Fabray. The song is gross. Which means it's perfect. So perfect that it makes me want to puke."

Quinn's glare disappears and she smiles a smile that she's sure lights up her entire face.

"Perfect!" she exclaims. She starts to clap her hands together excitedly, but catches herself and stops before she gets _too _carried away.

It's official, she's been hanging around Rachel _way _too often.

"Sappy isn't my style, Quinn," Puck pipes up after he's scooped up every last paper into his hand and handed them over to Quinn. "My gross ain't the same as your gross."

"_Isn't _the same," she corrects him; he rolls his eyes, "but thank you for your input. It's appreciated."

"Anything for you," he says, and even though he says it in a slightly teasing way, she can see how much he means it. They've come a long way; they threw a party for Beth after performing at Regionals and somewhere in the middle of the party, the two took a walk together and finally looked at the one picture they have of their baby girl. He held her while they both cried; though, he will never, _ever_ admit he cried and she knows it, but for him to let her see that side of him? That's more than enough for her.

That night proved what she's always known; she and Puck will forever be linked because they have a child together and nothing can break that bond. She doesn't mind it, either. Being linked to Puck forever, that is. He's a great friend and someday, he'll find someone that can love him wholly and she knows he'll make that girl, whoever she may be, very happy.

"Okay," Santana drawls, capturing both Puck and Quinn's attention, "let's get this fucking show on the road, yeah?"

Quinn grins. "Yeah," she says, taking her usual seat. The club, in its entirety, should be here in a few minutes, which means that, in a little more than a few minutes, she'll be performing her first serenade ever. Only, it's not really a serenade - it's more like a bearing of the soul, but that saying is _way _too dramatic for her.

She'll settle with referring to her performance as just another way to prove to her girlfriend that she's not going anywhere.

* * *

Everyone's okay - she has to keep telling herself that; it makes her feel better. She doesn't know why she needs to feel better, though, because it's true. Aria, Spencer, Hanna, Maya, Toby... they're all okay. It's not over, not by a long shot, but they know who 'A' is now. They may not have the upper hand, but they're getting there.

_I know who 'A' is now_. That thoughts plays over and over in her mind as she enters the choir room and takes her usual seat. Quinn's not beside her, but not because she isn't in the room; she's standing at the front of the room, preparing for a performance, which confuses Emily because she thought Rachel was performing today, but... that's not really important.

This past month, it's been amazing. She and Quinn are happier than ever, she talks to her friends back in Rosewood nearly every day, and now, _now_, this little game that 'A' has been playing is almost over. She doesn't want to let herself believe it, or set her hopes too high only to have them crushed, but she can _feel_ it; this nightmare she's been living in, it's coming to an end. She doesn't know what she'll do when it's over; she doesn't know if she'll stay here or return to Rosewood, but she's decided that she'll cross that bridge when she gets there.

The important thing is that she's okay. More than okay. She's content with her life how it is right now; she has the most amazing friends and girlfriend. Life is good.

"Okay, so, I know this week's song choices are supposed to be about heartbreak or whatever," her girlfriend's voice drags her out of her thoughts, "but the song I'm about to sing is... well, you'll see."

She raises an eyebrow as the first chords to a song she's never heard fill her ears. Whatever it is, it's beautiful - that much is obvious when Quinn begins to sing. She watches, mesmerized as her girlfriend sings, and it's only when Quinn reaches the chorus and looks directly at her that she realizes why the blonde chose this song.

"_So won't you breathe_  
_Oh won't you breathe_  
_Breathe me in_  
_So I am whole._

_Oh won't you breathe_  
_Oh won't you breathe_  
_Breathe me in_  
_So I am whole." _

Quinn doesn't break eye contact with Emily as she continues the song. The brunette knows it's probably a cliché, but it's as though they're the only two there. And the words, _And I watch you circle and baby I watch you fall, you make me feel what I thought I could never feel at all _seem to hit so close to home for the both of them.

She's seen Quinn fall and she's been there to pick her up, and Quinn has done the same for her. She felt something with Maya, something very strong, but with Quinn, it's different. With Quinn, what she feels is... better. Not stronger, but a thousand times better. And it's because there aren't any secrets; not anymore.

Quinn finishes the song with _"Oh, won't you breathe me in"_, and everyone starts clapping. Excluding Emily, of course - she's just gazing; gazing lovingly at her wonderful girlfriend. She's never understood the big deal with having the one you love sing to you, but she thinks she gets it now. What she's feeling, it's indescribable.

She doesn't give herself much time to think of what she's doing; she stands and makes her way over to her girlfriend, and the second she's standing in front of the blonde, she grabs her and kisses her. She kisses her passionately, in front of everyone. She can hear Puck and Sam wolf-whistling and she can hear Mr. Schuester clearing his throat and she can feel eyes boring into her from nearly every direction, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care because she loves this girl and if she has to, she'll kiss her like this in front of the entire world just to show how much she means it.

They're both breathing shallowly when Quinn pulls away and she rests her forehead against the blonde's, never once breaking eye contact.

"Me, too," she whispers; she doesn't elaborate, doesn't really need to.

Quinn grins a full-blown grin. "God, I love you."

There's a few 'awes' from some of the glee kids, and she hears Mr. Schue clear his throat again, but they both ignore the noises.

"Good," Emily replies, her grin matching Quinn's.

"And why's that?" Quinn asks, arching her eyebrow in that cute way she always does.

"Because I love you," is her only reply.

* * *

When Quinn met Emily, she'd been running. So had Emily. Quinn had been running from Puck, from Beth, from her parents... Emily, she'd been running from _everything_, from life as she knew it. Both girls had run until they couldn't anymore, until they chose not to.

Quinn, she never wants to run again, but she doesn't regret running. Sitting here, in the choir room, surrounded by her _family_ and holding her girlfriend's hand, makes her see that, had she not decided to run, she wouldn't be here now. She wouldn't have a girlfriend whom she loves that loves her back, she wouldn't be best friends with Rachel Berry, and she and Santana, their friendship would probably still be on the rocks, practically non-existent.

She realizes running is not the smartest thing to do; it's just about the dumbest, but she wouldn't change a thing.

The important thing is, she's not running anymore. And neither is Emily.

And because of each other, they will never, ever have to run again.

_So much more than I had ever hoped  
Oh, won't you breathe me in_

_

* * *

_**author's note: **and this is the end.

i don't know the song. don't know what the beat is or anything, but the lyrics are beautiful, i think. also, the song is called 'breathe me in', so it's kind of perfect, yeah?

this is goodbye. for now. i may write something again soon, may not. thank you so, so much for sticking around and for reviewing. i truly appreciate it and i'm glad i'm not the only one out there who thinks emily and quinn would be interesting. :)

thanks again, lovelies.

- kara.


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